Vol. 1, No. 2• Summer 1997

Thoughts on Foster Parent Grief
by Betty Evans, foster parent, Houston, Texas

The reality of grief and its handling are so well know that much effort goes into training to prepare foster parents to cope with it. My perception is that my agency expects me to eliminate grief by learning about it. I can't. It's there, it's real, and it's terrible. I need help handling it. I need to know "they" know I'm suffering and they don't distance themselves from me when I need them most. An handling my grief is easier for my agency if I am totally involved in the details of a move.

If I am this undone by grief, think how much more terrifying is the grief of a child. I can better empathize with the suffering child I love if somebody's empathizing with my suffering. Increase my strength and I can pass strength along to my child. Increase my grief by insensitivity and I am weakened in my help to a grieving child.

There are predictable stages of grief. In interpreting them (in terms of foster parent behavior), these ideas may be a way of modifying undesirable results in an episode of adoption. (See "Stages of Grief and Ways to Work through the Stages.")

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families