Vol. 1, No. 2 • Summer 1997
The love in fostering
by Sheena, age 15Although I am not a foster child or foster parent myself, I have had a foster brother and two foster sisters. My family has had foster children in it all of my life, and I think that it has been one of the best experiences which I have encountered. Having foster children in our home has done a great deal to influence the way in which I live. I have a biological half-brother to look up to, and he and I were very close as children. Growing up, though, has torn us farther apart for one reason or another, and even though he is always there if I should need him, I love being able to have big sisters to turn to.
I barely remember my foster brother, Louie, because I was so young, and he didn't live with us very long. What I do remember is my foster sister, Teresa, who lived with us from the time I was an infant until I was about 6 years old. At that time, she was 18 and moved out on her own. She now has two beautiful daughters whom I love very much. I always thought of Teresa as one of my best friends, and although I don't see her now nearly as often as I would like, I still think of her that way. I also have another foster sister, Kathy, who I remember the most about. She still lives with us and is 19 years old. She is also one of my closest friends. I think we are so close because we have done most of our growing up together, but the fact that she is older gives me a role model as well as a friend. I love Brandon, my half brother, to death, but it just isn't the same as having a sister to bond with, share secrets with that no one else knows about, laugh with, cry with, and ask questions about all the "girl things" that you learn growing up. I think that has really been great for me with Teresa and Kathy. They both influenced me greatly!
Foster children coming into our home and learning about all of the good times and the bad times that they have had, as well as making new memories, has made be a better person. Throughout the course of my life, I have learned about different lifestyles, families, and many more things from my sisters.
Most of all, though, I have learned to be more loving and open-minded. Just because someone is a little different from you, has grown up in a different environment than you, or isn't biologically related to you doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't love them anyway. All of the children that have come into our home, as well as our hearts, are not thought of as an outsider or "that foster child." They are loved and thought of as one of us.
Although there have been problems (quarrels, disagreements, and fights), we have always managed to work everything out for the best. One thing that really helps in everyone getting along is my mother. She and my father are divorced, but she has handled everything quite well herself. She is a strong and independent mother with all of the love that anyone could ever want. Without her love, patience, and tolerance, we never would have made it this far.
Since I am the youngest child in the family, I have always been the "spoiled brat." Therefore, even though I may joke about wanting everyone out of the house except for me, I really do love each and every one of my brothers and sisters, and I consider myself very lucky to have been able to have all of them in my life.
My life in foster care
by Shian, age 16My name is Shian and my child's name is Brittany. We have been in foster care for almost 3 years. It has had its ups and downs.
The first foster home we went to, I was scared to death. Here I was going into a home with complete strangers. When my child and I arrived there I was a nervous wreck. But the foster parents greeted us and welcomed us into their home. It took us a little while, but we got settled in. I went to school every day and when I got home, I took care of my child. I was 14 years old when I had my child. I guess you could say I had to grow up pretty fast. With the help of DSS and my foster parents I was able to manage. The first foster home I went into was just short-term care. I stayed there for almost 2 months.
Then one day my social worker called me up and told me we had an interview at a group home for teenage mothers and their babies in Lenoir, North Carolina. I was excited and scared at the same time. About a week after I went for the interview my social worker called and told me and my foster mom that my child and I had been accepted at the group home. I was sort of sad because I had to leave my friends, family, school, and foster parents. But once I got there I made new friends.
The group home definitely had its ups and downs. I guess one down was that I was so far from my family that I became rebellious. I had a bad attitude and that made matters worse then they already were. Thanks to my house parents and my friends, I recovered. While I was up in my group home I learned different kinds of parenting skills that I needed, and I went through a lot of classes. My child and I stayed in the group home for 18 months.
While I was up there, on holidays and during summer vacations we went through three different other foster homes. Two of them came out okay but one of them didn't. That's because they put me down because I had a child and thought I would be a bad influence on my sister. But that's a big problem for people to face about me.
Since I have been in foster care I have been saved and straightened out my life with God. I have also learned that just because you have been abused and neglected (or whatever the case may be), you can always turn your life around and better yourself.
I think that's one of the main reasons DSS and foster care are around. A lot of people thing that Social Services is only around to take you away from your parents and make you suffer. I thought that for a little while, but it didn't take me long to change my mind.
DSS has turned my life around. Now I am living in a foster home with two wonderful foster parents who love me and my child, even though I have put them through a lot. I thank God every day for DSS and foster parents who want to help children in need.
Reprinted courtesy of Richmond County (NC) Families for Kids News.
The parents I never had
by Latorya, age 15On June 15, 1995 I was confused, hurt, and tired. And the saddest part about it is that I was scared on the inside. But nobody cared, because of what happened between me and my birth mother.
My social worker was in New York, so he had other social workers looking for a place for me to stay --a foster home or group home. More likely I was going to a group home in Kinston, North Carolina, for all girls until I was 18. But after lunch time the social workers got a phone call saying someone would take me. At that moment I was still sad because I didn't really want to go to a foster home. But before the sun went down, I was already there.
A month passed, and nobody liked me because I was so mean. But at that point in time I didn't know nobody, trust nobody, or even care because I thought nobody else cared. But when that started to happen I thought Mom (my foster mother) was going to kick me out, but she didn't--she just talked to me. And after that long conversation we had, she said that I needed to act better and get along with everyone.
From then on, she let me know that she cared and didn't want be to leave. Throughout the year I got better and better. And me, Mom, and Dad got closer and closer. In the second year that I was here, I asked my Mom and Dad to be my godparents, because I really think they are the best parents anybody could have. But most of all I am very happy now, so much happier than I was two years ago.
Leaving Does Hurt
by Amanda, age 13Leaving hurts when you're so close
One always leaves that you love the mostWhy do you have to leave, it's tearing me apart
Now my life is empty with a broken heart
All alone on this bed I lie
Trying my best not to cryYou're gone forever and we are through
The only thing left are memories of youLate at night is when I cry
I miss you so much, but still I sighI ask the Lord to help me see
What would have been our future,
But now will never be....* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
drawing by Lekeshia, age 16
Lekeshia wants to know:
Can someone tell me why this girl did not tell her foster parents about her baby and why her baby does not have a Dad?One reader writes back in our next issue "Readers Write: Cycle of Society".
Poem: I so scared for my baby
by Lekeshia, age 16I love my foster parents but now I am having a baby. I don't know what to do. I want to tell them, but how?
I am in the 10th grade and I am having a baby, but I don't know who the Dad is. I don't want my foster parents to find out that I don't know who he is because they might take my baby from me. I know why- because they say I am not fit for a mother. But I know I am because I got myself into this so I can get myself out.
Someone tell me, why? I'm only 15 years old. I can't do this. Please help. Please!
Writing Contest Winners
Below are the winners of the first Fostering Perspectives "Kids' Pages Writing Contest," which asked foster children: "If you could change any three things in your life, what would they be?"
1st Prize by Allen, age 15
First thing I would change is the income of my family, because I am tired of having nothing. I want to have something in my life that I could say I bought myself. My family would not have to keep on moving because we would buy our own home to live in.
The second thing I would change is how my family gets along together with each other. We would not curse at each other all the time. We wouldn't have to fight most of the time; I would not have to worry about my stepfather hitting on me anymore; and I would not have to worry about my mother trying to turn me against my big brother.
The final thing I would change is the place where my family lives and the environment about it. My family would not have to worry about someone breaking into the house to steal our possessions. We would be in a place I always dreamed about. The place would be on top of a hill with lots of grass to roll around in with my dog, and room for my baby brother to run around in without having to worry about going in someone else's yard; and somewhere I can go to look out at the land around us so I could be calm and draw what I see.
In conclusion, all three of these things are things I would really want to happen in my life and become a reality as I grow up.
Allen was awarded $100 for his entry.
2nd Prize by Chris, age 19
The first one would be that I could start all over with my background. I wish that I could let my biological parents see how it feels to have to be away from your real family members, to see how it would feel to go to different schools and different foster homes and have to meet new friends. I wish my parents could have realized life's not fair to children who are so little that they don't understand what is really going on with their life, who just get pulled away.
The next thing that I would change in my life would be the fact that I am labeled as a "foster child."
I am the type of person who doesn't like to share with people my background and feelings of disgust and anger at the things that have happened to me. At night I lie in bed thinking of all the things that I hate about my life. I just lie there thinking about question after question, wishing that I could change my life to a new one and wondering how I made it through those rough times that I have been through.
My closing one would be that I could change the way my grades have been in the past. When I was in third grade they held me back because of my mother moving so many times and the fact that I wasn't really in school. My mother would never let me sleep at night. She would always tell me not to put my night clothes on because we were going to walk the streets. At night when I got the change to sleep I still couldn't because her boyfriend was always beating her or said bad words to her, throwing her across the room, pulling her hair. I could go on and on.
I hope the person who reads this will think twice about how well they treat their children and the choices they make. Life's not easy and not everyone deserves to be hurt. So please thing again--are your children in the environment that they should be in?
Chris was awarded $50 for her entry.
3rd Prize by Daniel, age 7
Hello! My name is Daniel. I am seven years old. The three things that I would change in my life if I could would be to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Jones, act better in school, and have better table manners.
Mr. and Mrs. Jones are my foster parents. I have been living with them for eight months. They give me good food to eat, nice clothes, toys, and a warm bed to sleep in. I love everyone in this family.
Most of the time when I get in trouble at school it is because of me acting up in the lunchroom or classroom. In the lunchroom I be throwing my food across the table. In class, I be making animal sounds, running around, crawling under the tables, and taking money from the teacher so I can go back home.
When I eat dinner at Mr. and Mrs. Jones' house I eat with my hands. Sometimes they talk to me about eating with my hands. When I go to school, I eat with my hands too. At home my Mom never tells me to eat with a spoon or a fork. Mrs. Jones wants me to have good manners because when I go to places to eat, I wouldn't get food everywhere and people would think I was a very well-mannered little boy.
These are the things I would change in my life. They would make me a happier person and a very good student at school, as well as at home.
Daniel was awarded $25 for his entry.
MAKE CANDY BARS AT HOME!
Creating your own candies and chocolate bars can be a real treat! What follows is a recipe for creative candy bars that is especially easy because it requires no cooking.
Ingredients
2/3 cup soft butter or margarine
1/2 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup light corn syrup
2 lb. powdered sugar
mixing bowl
wax paper
Optional additions: peanut butter, cocoa, flavorings, extracts, or food coloring
Optional toppings: marshmallows, nuts, rice crispies, caramels, chocolate chips, M&Ms, coconut shavingsProcedure
1. Mix all ingredients together.
2. Knead until mixture feels like dough.
3. Add in optional flavorings to desired taste.
4. Shape the "dough" with hands into desired candy bar shapes.
5. Place on wax paper.
6. Decorate with toppings if desired.
7. When cool enough, wrap with foil to save, or just dig in!!
Going further
Another delicious addition to your homemade bars is a delightful chocolate coating:
Children can invent their own candy bar wrappers. They can begin by conducting research using old wrappers (saved from Halloween). Note the ingredients of commercial candy bars, study packaging and advertising techniques, investigate the best sellers and hypothesize about their success.
1. Heat chocolate in a double boiler until melted.
2. Ladle over the candy bar.
3. Smear all around.Courtesy of the Museum of Life and Science, 433 Murray Avenue, PO Box 15190, Durham, NC 27704. Tel: 919/220-5429.
Word Puzzle
See if you can find the following words in this puzzle:barefoot - baseball - boat - butterfly
camping - firefly
fireworks - fishing
frisbee - frog - garden - hotdog
icecream - mosquito - picnic - shorts
sun - swim - trip - turtleSend Us You Artwork! Can you draw, paint, or sketch? Share your talents with us! Fostering Perspectives awards children and teens who are living or have lived in foster care a prize of $15 for artwork we publish. We are especially interested in art that relates to you and your life in foster care. Artwork should be on white paper, and should be mailed flat. Unpublished submissions will be returned.
Send submissions to: John McMahon, Editor Fostering Perspectives UNC School of Social Work CB# 3550 Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3550| Next Kids' Pages | Previous Kids' Pages |
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