Vol. 4, No. 2 • Spring 2000

Motivating Yourself...
Motivating Your Child

• Make logical decisions about adding foster children to your family and include the whole family before you make a final decision. Every child in your family needs involved, motivated parents who have enough quality time for each of them. Evaluate carefully how much more time, energy and backup your immediate family and extended family have to give.

• Be a consistent, decisive and respectful parent. Set and explain the rules of the household, and enforce them consistently. Remember: Fair is not always equal. Keep in mind that good rules must be within a child's capabilities and serve reasonable purposes.

• Maintain regular contact with your child's school and teachers. Take an active interest in each child's school and social lives. As your child spends most of his waking hours at school and with his friends, maintaining regular contact with the school, the teachers and other parents can help you know what your child needs and is doing.

• Ask your child open-ended (not yes or no) questions about school or friends to start discussions. Talk during those "in-between" times, when you are riding in the car, making dinner, or playing games, so your child won't feel interrogated.

• Teach leadership and self-confidence by creating situations in which your child is in charge and is likely to succeed. Encourage extracurricular activities and the pursuit of individual interests and talents. Nothing motivates like success!

• Expect your child to take on responsibilities within the family. Having chores and deadlines will not only help your child learn self-discipline, it can help him feel that he is an important, contributing member of the family.

• Make it a priority to reward behavior you want to encourage. MORE than punish those you want to extinguish. Simple smiles, praise and companionship help children know that they have done well.

• Keep communication lines open at all times. Be a good listener for what is said and what is not said. You can't listen to your child while you're talking. Letting him talk out his options in solving a problem is much more helpful than jumping in with your own solutions. How many of your mother's solutions did you use?

• Don't be too hard on yourself. You may be a 24-hour a day role model, but you are human! Admit mistakes. Teach your children that every mistake is an opportunity for learning. Observing how someone successfully handles a mistake, reacts in a crisis, and deals with difficult situations can teach many lessons. Teaching children to reason, associate behaviors with consequences, and solve problems will help children make good choices and become independent.

• Be your own best friend. Don't abuse or neglect yourself. Stay in shape. Laugh! Take care of your own personal health and well-being. Take a husband, wife or friend on a date. Don't assume the entire weight of the child welfare world --you are not alone. Meet other foster parents and make contacts with other child advocates and tap into their networks. Foster parents are already doing more for children than 99% of the population. By keeping your personal energy and motivation refreshed, you will always be a wonderful motivator for your foster children!

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families