This Issue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Vol. 4, No. 2• May 2000

Suggestions for Engaging
Birth Parents

Rules of Conversation
The social worker should explain the foster parents' role to the birth parents. Together the social worker and birth and foster parents should decide how to conduct themselves and agree on rules for telephone contact such as:
  • Time and days for calls should be agreed upon.
  • Birth parents should not make promises to the child.
  • All adults should talk positively to the child about the other adults and about the child.
  • The child is not to be accused of blame for the birth family's disruption.

Don't take personally anything the birth parents might say. This is the birth parent's way to fight for their children until they learn and accept the more appropriate ways.

Telephone Contact
  • Contact birth parents within 48 hours of placement, if possible. The child's social worker must approve of contact first.
  • Join with the birth parents by telling them you know they must be worried about their child. Assure them you aren't trying to keep their child and that you want to help them.
  • Ask the birth parents for help with their child. Find out from them when the child usually goes to bed, what the child likes to eat, how the parent fixes the child's hair, who the most important people are in the child's life, etc.

Visits
  • Visits are more successful if held in a "family atmosphere," such as at parks, fast food restaurants, day care play areas (off hours), or family rooms in an agency or foster home.
  • Be sensitive to the birth parents' feelings. Don't overdress the children; understand why the birth parents give candy and other things to the children (to show love); understand how hard it is for birth parents sometimes to face their children on visits.
  • Show the birth family the child's Life Book and ask them to help with the book. Ask for family pictures and family stories. Give the birth family copies of photos taken while in the foster home.
  • Have children draw pictures or make something for their parents.
  • Ask for the birth parents' opinions on parenting issues concerning their child: discipline, foods, rules and other things that enable them to practice parenting while having the foster parent as mentors. This is important especially if the plan is reunification. Trust can be built if the parent is respected for the strengths in their lives.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families