Vol. 5, No. 1 • Fall 2000

Parenting Without Spanking

Positive Alternatives to Physical Discipline
by Amy Ramirez

Corporal punishment of foster children is prohibited by law in North Carolina (see 10 NCAC 41F.0403). Yet in some ways, this law is like spanking itself: it tells you what not to do, it doesn�t tell you what to do instead. If your primary approach to discipline has always involved physical punishment, you may find it difficult to adopt an approach that avoids the use of physical punishment. The following ideas about encouraging your child�s positive behavior may be helpful.

Use Positive Reinforcement to Help Your Child
Positive reinforcement can be used to increase your child�s positive behavior. If children have a tendency to act inappropriately, positively reinforce them when they do act appropriately. Look for ways to encourage your child to succeed at positive behavior, and quickly reward his or her attempts. Prepare for these challenging situations before they occur. If mealtimes are difficult, you might want to bring out an interesting toy before you are ready to serve the meal to keep your child happy.

Response Cost: Helping Your Child Accept Responsibility
Response cost is a loss of something positive due to a child�s negative behavior. Examples of response cost include early bedtime and no TV. Be firm, a short-term consequence fully carried out is more effective than one that is not. Time out, short for �time out of positive reinforcement� is another example of response cost. Consider the following: time out is most effective for young children; time out should be served near the parent or other children�never in a locked room; length of time out, in minutes, should not exceed the child�s age multiplied by two. Explain the time out before you use it to help your child understand why it is being done. Young children want to please their parents by doing what is expected of them. Tell your child what to do rather than what not to do.

Negative Reinforcement
An example of negative reinforcement is a parent giving in to a screaming children, just so they will stop screaming. The behavior has been reinforced because the children got something from acting negatively�their parent gave in. If you know your child misbehaves for attention, give her some extra attention. Work on one behavior at a time. Choose your battles, decide what the most important behaviors are to work on, and try ignoring misbehaviors that do not cause children to hurt themself or others. In time, you can start to work on those other annoying behaviors.

Hints for Using Reinforcement Effectively
Rewarding your child�s positive behavior is much more effective than punishing his or her bad behavior. The sooner you correct the child�s behavior, the more effective the correction will be. Try using these suggestions to work with your child. Find out what works for them. When you set limits for your children, you demonstrate your love and concern for them.

Amy Ramirez is an Editorial Assistant at the Family and Children�s Resource Program at the UNC-CH School of Social Work

Source: Adapted from: NC Divisions of Family Development and Social Services and the NC Family and Children�s Resource Program. (1994). Cognitive/behavioral strategies. In Family-centered family preservation services curriculum. Chapel Hill, NC: Author.

Copyright � 2001 Jordan Institute for Families