Vol. 6, No. 1• November 2001

Making Foster Youth Feel Cared For and Accepted

• Do all you can to bring about visitations with siblings and with biological parents; if safety is not a concern - the more a child feels connected to his or her siblings and parents, the less he or she will strike out against the world.
• Talk to and listen to your foster child. Try to help him or her talk about the pain of being separated from his or her family. Help the child feel that it is okay and good to talk about his or her family and it's okay to miss parents and siblings - no matter how troubled his or her home life was. Take time to hear your foster child's story - it shows you care.
• Be aware of any prejudices you might have about children who need foster care and their parents especially if you feel that they must have something wrong with them or be in some way disturbed or even "bad" because of the situation and family they come from. Be honest with yourself about what you think of a foster child's parents - bad, good, unfit, in need of help, a problem to the community - because how you see the parents may impact how you see and treat the child. Recognize, too, that negative feelings can change if acknowledged and challenged.
• Be attentive to and watch carefully for signs that biological children are jealous of or unhappy about a foster child receiving attention from a parent and find ways to remedy those feelings. Signs like painful teasing of or constant confrontation with a foster child by a biological child can signal anger on the part of the biological child.
• Reserve the term "foster child" for legal purposes and do not use it to introduce that child to someone outside the home- a friend, neighbor, relative. Introducing a child by his or her name and simply stating that he or she has come to live with you for awhile is much more comfortable to a child or youth who feels the term "foster child" to be a shameful and socially negative tag.
• Don't take it personally if a foster child cries to go home and doesn't seem appreciative of your help and concern. It is an incredibly painful time for a foster child who is experiencing a deep loss no matter how disturbed his or her life was before. In time, once a foster child begins to feel cared about and secure, he or she will begin to respond in positive ways.
• If financially possible, use part - even a very small part - of the foster care payment to open up a savings account for your foster child. This will help the foster child feel that you are caring for him or her more out of concern than for monetary reasons - foster children hear the negative impressions about foster parent's reasons for fostering just as clearly as anyone else. This can also be a positive way to teach future planning skills.

 

Copyright � 2001 Jordan Institute for Families