Vol. 17, No. 2 • May 2013

You Never Know . . .
Even experienced workers can find it hard to predict placement "fit"

by Dan Comer

Yes, matching the strengths, weaknesses, desires and special circumstances of foster families with the strengths, needs, culture, desires, and special circumstances of foster youth--to the greatest degree we can in each case--makes perfect and logical sense. And we should do this each and every time we can. And analyze our successful matches, and our failures, carefully to learn from them to add to our knowledge-about both our foster families and our youth in care.

And. . . you never know.

Jane
Jane was an upper middle-class, single woman new to her small southern town. She had a grown daughter back in New Jersey. Her stressful job as a bank executive was the impetus behind the move, and she had known no one in town before she came to town. Her hobbies were reading and ballroom dancing, and she found her large, exquisitely decorated brick home rather lonely after her long days at work. She later said this was why the newspaper ad looking for therapeutic foster parents caught her eye.

Of course, Jane knew exactly what to say to our typical questions about fostering our very challenging children, she was very bright. Her daughter, while not particularly close as an adult to Jane, was successful, and they were in regular phone contact. She had plenty of room, and children would love her in ground swimming pool in her expansive back yard.

We were concerned with Jane's lack of support in her new locale, the stress of her job, and to be honest, she was lacking any evidence of the ‘toughness' and resiliency that we saw and valued so highly in our best therapeutic foster homes.

We decided to license her (there was no legitimate reason not to) with the thought being she would be a good respite resource since children tended to behave well during respite weekends.

Fast Forward a Few Months. . .
Jane had a few uneventful respite weekends, and still expressed interest in full-time care for the right child. We received an urgent request for placement of a sibling group of three.

The oldest child was hospitalized due to mental health and behavioral concerns, the younger two were in separate foster homes, each of which were asking for their removal due to behavioral problems.

No previous placement with all three together had been successful, and the referring agency wanted to try "one last time" to keep them together as they prepared for adoption.
We had no available home with space for three children….except for Jane.

Matching would tell you these children needed: a two (or more!) parent family, with a great support system, experienced with severe behavioral problems. Jane had none of these, but we were willing for some reason to make the placement as a last resort, since no one else had an option to provide the children with their last chance at being together.

Fast Forward a Few Years. . .
Jane has adopted all three children. Her obviously successful "interventions" included teaching the children ballroom dancing and swimming, and never, ever giving up (and there were some very tough times during the years).

You truly never know.

Before he became a clinical instructor for the UNC-Chapel Hill School of Social Work, Dan Comer worked for 26 years for an agency providing therapeutic foster care.M

~ Family and Children's Resource Program, UNC-CH School of Social Work ~