Vol. 17, No. 2 • May 2013

Helping a Child Understand Your Family Routine

Reprinted from the New York State Foster Parent Manual (2010) by the New York State Office of Children and Family Services

The everyday routine of your family goes on without much thought or discussion. All families have a pattern of behaving and living together that works for them. Your home may have a schedule that you regularly follow, or it may vary and be quite flexible. The kind of routine a foster child brings to your family will depend on where and with whom the child has been living. Some children may come from shelter care, other foster families, or group homes where there may have been many rules and a planned daily schedule. Other children may come to you from homes where there were few rules and no set schedule.

Most children will need some time alone to become comfortable with their new space. They will need time to observe your family's routine before they can be active participants. Think about some of your family's routines that might take a child some time to learn. For example:

• Who usually gets up first, and who usually goes to bed last?
• Where in the house are we allowed to eat?
• Does someone get to use the bathroom first?
• Is it OK to flush the toilet during the night, or would that wake someone up?
• Do people take telephone calls during dinner?
• Do children get a snack after school? Can they snack before bed?
• Can people help themselves to things in the refrigerator?

To help a child adjust to the routine of their home, many foster parents spend some fun time with the child. They may bake cookies; go for walks in favorite places (by the lake, along the creek, or in the park); go roller skating; play games such as Monopoly, checkers, or computer games; or go swimming. Doing things together helps the child settle into the family's routine.

Going to sleep and waking up can be very scary times for children just placed in foster care. Many foster parents have developed routines to help children go to sleep and wake up. There are good reasons for bedtime stories and night lights. It is also important to give children permission to get up and use the bathroom.

To view references cited in this and other articles in this issue, click here.

~ Family and Children's Resource Program, UNC-CH School of Social Work ~