Vol. 18, No. 2 • May 2014

When the Police Knock at Your Door . . .

by Wanda Douglas

If you're a foster parent long enough, chances are one day you will get that dreaded knock on the door by your local police department. Here are a few suggestions if and when that day comes.

1. First Things First
When the police knock at your door, be sure to get the officers' names and badge numbers. At the same time, be mindful that they are a valuable resource to you. It is very important to stay calm so you can explain the details of the issue at hand more effectively. Law enforcement has a short window of time to do their job. If you are honest and cooperative with them, the results will be better for you and your child.

2. Get the Facts
If your child is charged with committing a crime, ask about the charges as well as the penalties for the alleged crime. Listen carefully to the answer. If you do not understand or need more detail, politely ask clarifying questions. It may be helpful to write down details so you don't forget them in the heat of the moment.

3. Know Your Story...
Whatever you and your child are dealing with, be able to explain in clear, precise detail what is happening at that moment. You don't have to discuss the child's entire life history, only what's relevant to your current situation.

4. Know Your Child...
Knowing certain details about your child and what they are likely to do may be very helpful to you and everyone else. For example:

  • Is he or she loud? Quiet? Timid? Dangerous to themselves or others? Involved in a gang? A follower? A leader? A runner?
  • If your child ran away from home, what would they take with them? For example, a cell phone (know their number), a weapon (knife, lighter, gun--real or fake), drugs, medications, clothes, etc.
  • Know your child's diagnosis if he or she has one, what medications they are taking (if any), and why.
  • Know names and numbers of friends, family members, or acquaintances they may run to.
  • Have a current picture available and know the specifics--age, date of birth, height, weight, eye color, hair color, glasses, contacts, etc. Every detail is important.

5. As Soon as They Leave
After the police depart, finish up your notes to capture the details of what you've learned.

Contact your social worker and/or the child's social worker to let them know what has happened or alleged to have happened. Talk with them about what should happen next and how you can be most helpful.

If the child is in police custody and it is OK with your agency, gather any relevant documents and go to the child. It may be helpful to ask your spouse or another support person to go with you.

6. Later
If your child is accused of committing a crime, be sure you understand the charges as well as the penalties for the alleged crime.

Know your child's rights. For more on this, please refer to the next article in this issue of Fostering Perspectives.

Know how the system works. The article that begins on the next page provides a good overview of NC's juvenile justice system.

Talk to your child's lawyer. Any time a child between the ages of 6 and 16 is accused of committing a crime, they automatically get appointed a juvenile defender. To learn more about working with juvenile defenders, see the interview later in this issue with Eric J. Zogry, NC's state Juvenile Defender.

As things progress, take the time to get to know all the parties involved, including judges, child advocates, court counselors, probation officers, and others.

Attend all court hearings. Some young people feel--perhaps rightly so--that they receive fairer treatment in court if an adult appears and advocates for them. As one young man put it, "I think they would have gone a little easier on me. But they see that I don't have nobody backing me up--they think, 'He's just a bad kid, throw him in the gutter and forget about him'" (Morris & Freundlich, 2004). Being present and speaking out in court can make a big difference in what happens and how the youth feels.

Conclusion
A crisis in your home involves everyone, not just the child. It is important as parents to get rest and help--without guilt. We have to remember, when the police show up, it is usually after the crisis has escalated beyond our immediate control and we need their help as much as they need ours. They become a part of a team effort. We must work together for the good of our families.

Wanda Douglas is a veteran foster and adoptive parent in North Carolina.

Tips for Advocating for Your Child
  1. Keep organized. Put all of the papers that you receive in connection with your child's case in one place (including letters, evaluations, lab results, billing or payment records, and any reports from the police, probation officers, court, lawyers, doctors, and mental health workers).
  2. Ask to read and request copies of all reports about your child and your child's case. You may not always be able get a copy of a report. Ask your child's lawyer if you have questions about whether you are allowed to see a copy of a specific report.
  3. Write everything down. Write down information from meetings and telephone conversations with your child's lawyer, probation officer, and other juvenile justice system staff. Include the time and date, who you spoke to (and their title), and future meetings or phone calls.
  4. Attend all meetings and court hearings and arrive on time. Because of job and family obligations, attending every meeting can be very difficult. However, it is very important that you attend meetings about your child. If you know you will not be able to attend, call or write a letter in advance to explain why you cannot attend; make it clear you want to be involved in your child's case.
  5. Help others understand your child. Write down information about your child that will help your child's lawyer, probation officer, the judge, and other adults understand your child better. If your child has a disability, be sure to include information about the disability, how your child processes information, how your child reacts in certain situations, and what help or accommodations your child needs.
  6. Speak up in meetings to share information about your child's needs, even if you feel uncomfortable or intimidated. If juvenile justice system staff (for example, a probation officer) or your child's lawyer will not listen to you, you can contact his or her supervisor. In court, you may have to ask your child's lawyer to tell the judge that you would like to speak.
  7. Always be respectful. No matter how strongly you feel about your child's situation or the people working with your child, remain respectful when you speak in court or speak to probation staff or other people who are working with your child.

Source: Maryland Coalition of Families for Children's Mental Health, 2006

To view references cited in this and other articles in this issue, click here.

~ Family and Children's Resource Program, UNC-CH School of Social Work ~