Vol. 10, No. 1• November 2005

Reading this and that

by Becky Burmester

Are we as foster parents ever perfect? Of course not. But we can learn more about ourselves and about the experiences children in care have had and will have. The more we learn the better parents we will become. All children need parents who are striving to become better parents.

The Voice of Youth In Care
My favorite source of information is “Represent: the Voice of Youth in Care.” This award-winning publication is written by kids who are in or who have aged out of the child welfare system.

These articles are wonderful starting points for conversations with youth in our home. One of our girls read an excerpt from an article while waiting for her ride to school. That evening she grilled me to make certain that I understood that what the article said really reflected how kids feel about the system. It mattered to her that I understand that this magazine got it right.

If you foster teens or are thinking about maybe fostering teens, let your social worker know that you would like to read this magazine. Social workers (and others) can go to <www.youth comm.org> for more information.

Plenty Good Room
Plenty Good Room is a novel by Cheri Paris Edwards about the “system” and all involved with it. Tamara Britton, the main character, is a social worker and also a survivor of the child welfare system. She takes training to become a foster parent because her agency asks her to and is soon pressed into providing an emergency, short-term placement for a challenging teen. Of course, the placement is not short-term. (Aren’t we all familiar with how that works?!)

Plenty Good Room is absolutely on the mark in some areas (length of placement, behaviors of the young person, tension in sharing your home with a stranger) but ties everything together too neatly in the end. Real life—at least my real life—is much messier.

The novel is a faith-based story. Many foster parents will find themselves identifying with the role that faith plays in the story. Most of the foster parents I know find tremendous support and encouragement from their faith communities.

I Can’t Get Over It
I Can’t Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors by Aphrodite Matsakis, PhD is a book recommended to me by a friend. Matsakis is a specialist in treating posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

This book is not a casual read. It is serious stuff and requires concentrated reading. But don’t let that scare you off!

I frequently found myself identifying with examples the author used to illustrate her points. I clearly recognized PTSD behaviors in several of the youngsters who have shared our home. If only I had known then what I know now, we might have been able to help them understand how what had happened to them was impacting their responses to current life events. This book helped me understand where some of the “over-the-top” reactions might have been coming from. I also learned what to look for in a therapist if PTSD is an issue.

Reading Impacts Fostering
Having adopted our second family (we have two adult children), reading time is sometimes scarce. There just are not enough hours in the day or enough energy in this older Mom to read as much as I used to. However, my bookstore browsing continues and I have a large stack of books to read.

Joe and I are now fostering pregnant or parenting teens. Knowing how desperately teen foster homes are needed, we ask ourselves: why are we able to share our lives with teens? What makes it work?

The answers seem to be: working with a very supportive placement agency; having raised two children to adulthood (foster youth can’t really shock us); and reading.

See you next issue. Until then, keep reading!

You can contact Becky Burmester at [email protected] or 919/870-9968.

Copyright � 2005 Jordan Institute for Families