Vol. 10, No. 1 • November 2005

“I have come a long way”

by Angela, age 17

I have been in a group home for three years now. Initially I was here for running away and for hurting myself. I used to hurt myself just to numb the feeling of emotional pain. It worked until it was brought to my attention that my so-called “coping skill” was not the best one to have.

I was put in a group home at the age of 14. When I arrived in my first group home I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide my face from the world forever.

The department of mental health had put me in a group home far away from home, taking me from my family who I love very much, and putting me with strangers who picked on me. Unless you experience it for yourself you cannot know what it feels like to be taken from someone who loves you, put somewhere you hate, and then have the painful knowing in your heart that it is your own fault.

I have come a long way since then. Later my mother had me put in a group home. When I got here I was still a mess. Still hating life, still running away. I had no self-respect until I met people here who helped me. They taught me how to fix myself up and how to dress. They taught me to respect myself and not let anyone push me around. I think the event that changed my view on life was the school I went to. I immediately made friends, lots of friends. They respected me for who I am, not what I looked like. I have also made God my therapist. I have learned that it is OK to cry, it is OK to have feelings, and it is OK to show your true self. Now I am 17 and about to go home with my mom and dad for good. But if it wasn’t for this group home, I don’t think I ever would have seen how harmful my behavior was.

Now I’m off medications. I am in ROTC, I make the honor roll in school, and I have much more self-respect. The place I once saw as “the end of my life” is now the place that “saved my life.”

Angela received $15 for having her essay published.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

By Erica, age 16
Erica received $15 for having her work published in the print edition of Fostering Perspectives. Her drawing reads:

“Pain stands out from within to the outside.
Don’t judge me, pray for me.
Change doesn’t happen overnight.
Life is an ongoing struggle."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

By Ebony, age 13

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Shermanique, age 14

The next two essays are in response to the question: "Imagine you know someone entering foster care for the first time. He or she is the same age you were when you entered foster care. Based on what you know now, write a letter giving advice to this boy or girl."

I would like to help you, because I went through the same thing you are going through. Matter of fact, I was around the age of 5 or so when I went into foster care. Being in foster care isn’t as scary as you may think, because you will meet different kinds of people, some bad and some good. The only thing you really have to do in foster care is maintain good behavior everywhere you may go. Once you get into a home, if you stay good you won’t have to move around so much like I once had to do. If you have any relatives, keep in touch with them as much as you can, because it will hurt you really bad if you lose them. There are two things that you would like to remember: pray and always carry a smile through thick and thin. I know you’re young but you have a whole life ahead of you. Please don’t mess it up, not while you’re young, not ever. Worship the Father who gave his only begotten son to die upon a cross for everyone, including you. If there will ever be anyone who tries to put you down, just don’t pay any attention to it, because you’re smarter than the ones who choose to do wrong. I have been through some tough times and I definitely don’t want you to go through any of those terrible things. Just remember you mist take a few small steps at a time because your mind is still young. Don’t rush in growing up because once you hit the age of adulthood, you’ll regret it. My main advice is to keep your head up and make something out of yourself. I hope that from reading this, your young mind has picked up some helpful tips. And remember: you can be anything you set your mind to be!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Shermanique, age 14

I would like to help you, because I went through the same thing you are going through. Matter of fact, I was around the age of 5 or so when I went into foster care. Being in foster care isn’t as scary as you may think, because you will meet different kinds of people, some bad and some good. The only thing you really have to do in foster care is maintain good behavior everywhere you may go. Once you get into a home, if you stay good you won’t have to move around so much like I once had to do. If you have any relatives, keep in touch with them as much as you can, because it will hurt you really bad if you lose them. There are two things that you would like to remember: pray and always carry a smile through thick and thin. I know you’re young but you have a whole life ahead of you. Please don’t mess it up, not while you’re young, not ever. Worship the Father who gave his only begotten son to die upon a cross for everyone, including you. If there will ever be anyone who tries to put you down, just don’t pay any attention to it, because you’re smarter than the ones who choose to do wrong. I have been through some tough times and I definitely don’t want you to go through any of those terrible things. Just remember you mist take a few small steps at a time because your mind is still young. Don’t rush in growing up because once you hit the age of adulthood, you’ll regret it. My main advice is to keep your head up and make something out of yourself. I hope that from reading this, your young mind has picked up some helpful tips. And remember: you can be anything you set your mind to be!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My life turned upside down

by Gabrielle, age 11

My life turned upside down when I was taken away from my mother. I was at least eight or nine years old. It was painful and difficult, I did not know what to do. I was crying and screaming for my mother to help me, while she was crying and screaming for them to let me go. To this very day I still feel sad and emotional about the day I left.

See, I did not know why they took me until they told me. The cops said that my mother had been shoplifting and I was confused. I said to myself, my mother would never do that, if she did it was to make me happy! The officer asked me if my mother had taken her medicine lately. I thought and remembered that my mother had illnesses. She had diseases that are too long to pronounce. When I was little I remember calling the ambulance for them to come and get her.

All of a sudden BAAMM!!! It hit me. All this crying and screaming because of what my mother had done. I asked the policeman, “Where am I going?” The officer replied, “you are going to a place to stay for a while.” He said it was called a “foster home.” I was so scared. I thought I would never see her again. But I did and the more I saw her the more I moved, and the more I moved the worse I felt.

In total, I have been to at least five or six or even seven foster homes because my mother would not quit looking for me. After awhile it got better. I went to live with my uncle. But then my mom came to the house and grabbed me and took me home with her. I was so happy to see my mommy. But the happiness only lasted two days. The cops came and again, so long Mommy.

But then I lived with this new foster parent named Ms. Martha and I stay with her now. She has been super nice to me and I have been with her for two years. And now I am eleven years old. To me, that is a lot of years in the system. I am up for adoption and pray that it will be the last move.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Brotherly Love

by Erica, age 16

Hugging me showing me how to do what’s right
Giving me brotherly love that shows how much you love
Telling me what to do and what’s right
Protecting me from all those who wish to fight
Always by my side hoping that one day I will abide
Pulling my cheeks and giving me kisses
That’s what brotherly love is all about
Looking up and following you around
Although sometimes not making a sound
You telling me to go play not knowing
That being by you made my day
Sometimes even when I knew you were doing me wrong
It was just that brotherly love you
Was showing
Love me, Hug me
Show me how to be strong
That’s that brotherly love
I wish had been shown

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Poem

by Erica, age 16

I’m crying out, my cries are so loud
But no one hears me
My moans are so harsh, but no one
Recognizes it
I try to hide, but deep down inside I want to come out
But it’s so hard to decide
All the pain inside is hidden but sometimes
It seems to rise
In some rage of cries
The pain turns into cries, the cries turn into moans
I ask myself, why? But it seems I know why
The cries are for change
The moans are for love
I’m crying out to you dad to show you how much
I love

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Decide or Not!

by Tyniesha

Born premature in a small town,
Not too long ago people used to put me down.
Hoping the best would come to me,
But instead the living Hell haunted me.
Whipped, beaten, and torn down,
I felt like a worm being twisted and stretched around.
Praying the sun will come out,
But the fear in my heart still had a doubt.
Wondering was I ever going to be set free,
When God stepped right in with a blessing for me.
A warm-hearted family offered to take me in.
Then there were my brothers and sister separated again.
Blamed my mother for everything she did.
Realizing it wasn’t all her fault.
It is really about the thought that counted.
I doubted her when she said she would change.
Many times attempted.
But never stayed in long enough to finish the game.
Although my last name has changed,
Don’t mean I will never be her daughter.
I truly love my mother,
But she needs to change her ways.
Not to criticize my mother or anything,
But before she comes around me,
She needs to be cleansed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Person I’m Supposed to Be

by Crystal, age 13

Sometimes I’m scared to talk,
Sometimes I stumble,
Sometimes I scream,
Sometimes I get in trouble.

I always tell the truth . . . sometimes,
I always yell at my teachers,
When all they are doing,
Is making me another creature.

They tell me to look this way,
They tell me all these things,
Why won’t they get it through their head,
I am not the one with perfect wings

I wonder will I ever see . . .
The person I’m supposed to be

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Foster Care—Go On!

by Crystal, age 13

Have you ever said mom, dad I love you
Have you ever hugged them goodbye
Well have you ever sat in a room and cried

Well I can’t everyday say I love you mom, dad
I can’t say goodbye
Sometimes when I visit my dad I have to be supervised

How would you feel to live in a different home every couple of months
You can’t stay in one place
You always feel like you are replaced

People saying they don’t want you there
People lying so they won’t hurt your feelings
People watching your every footstep while you sit there crying

They can’t hold you like your parents
I have to say I’m strong when I move there
So I can GO ON

How would you feel to lift your head
And see someone everyday that is not your mom and dad

Would you cry, would you worry
Or would you fly or would you scurry

Sometimes you have to let go
Sometimes you have to turn away
Sometimes you let the tears drop
And let them flow anyway

There is more hurt to this than you will ever feel
To see your mother die on mother’s day
I have to GO ON is all you can say

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Christian, age 15

I was three years old when DSS took me from my mom and dad. During those twelve years I’ve been with three different families. Living in foster care is not like living with a real family. I don’t remember when I used to live with my mom and dad. It was so hard saying good-bye to my mom and dad every time I left DSS. Before my dad died my mother lost her parental rights. After my dad died I didn’t know what to do. I used to cry about it all the time and I still do, but not that much. When I cry I go in my room and shut the door because they might think I’m crazy. Then they will probably send me to Butner. I feel like it’s my fault that my dad died because I said I hope that he don’t die. But I’m trying to keep faith in myself. People at school talk about me because I am in a foster home. I try not to listen to them, but sometimes it’s hard not to overhear them. And people who you think are your friends are not really your friends. I found that out by hanging with the wrong people. My foster mother tried to tell me, but I was being hard headed. So now I know what she was talking about. I learned some positive things:

• Not to fight
• Do not use drugs
• Use words instead of fighting
• Do not use weapons
• Walk away from fights or people who don’t care about you
• Be polite
• Listen to your parents
• Have a good attitude
• Follow rules and direction
• Get a good education and job
• Treat people the way you want to be treated
• And keep faith in your self

For the foster kids out in the world: have faith in yourself, be positive, and when someone talks about you, hold your head up high and remember you are somebody and you can be somebody.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Adrian, age 15

My life has been hectic. I feel like I’ve wrecked it. I got things on my chest, and authority on my back. I can’t say how I feel so I turn my head over heels and run, run, run, run till I get faced with the gun of reality and life so I fight and fight for my rights to be a citizen, a businessman, a human being, and I am seeing the bars of prison enclose me if I don’t expose the truth in the heart of me: my solution which guides my spirit, my body, my mind.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

| Previous Kids' Pages | Kids' Pages Main Pages |

Copyright � 2005 Jordan Institute for Families