Vol. 11, No. 1• November 2006

Looking for insights that will help you care for kids better?

A Review of Foster Care and Adoption-Related Books

by Becky Burmester

The theme for this issue of Fostering Perspectives is “step into my shoes.” Currently I am unable to wear my shoes (or at least any of my shoes on my left foot). What I first thought was a slight sprain has been correctly diagnosed as a minimally dislocated fracture. Let me assure you that “minimally dislocated” can be downright uncomfortable!

Actually, now that I have my stylish “fracture shoe” to wear all of the time except in the shower and in bed, my foot is less achy.

But come to think of it, isn’t my situation with the broken bone in my foot very similar to the dislocation experienced by children in care, their birth families, and foster parents?

As foster parents we try to make things better for the kids. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail. How can we experience more successes?

Blessedly few of us have the life experiences of the families whose children we care for. Lacking that experience we need to find other ways to walk in their shoes. It is important to the success of the children that we understand where they are coming from and the struggles they face every day to reconcile what should be with what is in their lives. I found the following resources helped me do this.

Truth Be Told
In Truth Be Told: A Foster Child’s Recollection, Tashima A. Dukes shares her experiences with foster care and her strong ties to her mother who, because of her own difficulties, could not be a good enough parent. (No one is perfect, but good enough is the minimum acceptable standard.)

To step into the shoes of this story the reader needs to be a person of faith or one who understands the power faith can have in someone’s life. The author absolutely would not be who she is were it not for her very strong Christian beliefs. Her book is a testimony to those values that her faith provides.

The seventh chapter, “Truth Uncovered,” contains the 12 principles of ethical conduct for social workers according to the International Federation of Social Workers (adopted July 1994) as well as five additional principles the author suggests.

While all of the principles are certainly appropriate, I especially identified with the five principles Ms. Dukes added. They are:

• Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
• Watch what you say
• Know why you are here
• Always be honest
• Work in harmony with others

I try very hard to live my life following these principles, though I know that I fall short of meeting them much of the time. Never far from my thoughts is “there, but for the grace of God, go I.” When I imagine my loved ones in situations similar to the children sharing my home, it becomes very important that I walk in the shoes of the family, the social worker, the children, and anyone else involved with the children.

Truth Be Told: A Foster Child’s Recollection is available for $14.95 plus shipping and handling from:

Foster Children in Focus, Inc.
PO Box 30171
Elkins Park, PA 19027

It is also available via the web at <http://www.tashimadukes.com/home.html>.

Rise
Walking in the shoes of a birth family is difficult for me when my focus becomes too narrow. Birth families are so much more than the reason their children came into care. Youth Communications has a publication entitled Rise that is written by and for parents involved with the child welfare system. Regular readers of this column know that I am a big fan of Represent magazine, which is written by and for youth in the child welfare system.

The articles in Rise are so real. They address some of the same issues we as foster parents encounter. How quickly should reunification proceed? What are reasonable expectations as a child moves home? What is the role of family therapy in reunification? How can an attorney help with reunification efforts? How can parents deal with the ways the past influences the present as they parent their child?

The parents published in Rise lay their souls open for inspection. They share the experiences they have had with their children, and they share their fears.

Walking in the shoes of the authors of the stories in Rise expanded my understanding of birth families.

To receive a free copy of Rise send your name, address, e-mail address, and telephone number to:

RISE
224 W. 29th St. 2nd Floor
New York, NY 10001

Be sure to indicate the number of copies you wish to receive: 1, 5, 10, or 20 are free.

For When I’m Famous
The last resource I wish to share with you is For When I’m Famous: A Teen Foster/Adopt Lifebook. This spiral-bound book was developed by Beth O’Malley, an adoptee and a social worker. Ms. O’Malley’s passion is helping young people put down roots.

Growing up she experienced a hole in her life—emptiness—the blanks in her past. Children in foster care share her experience. Many times they cannot even put this experience into words.

For When I’m Famous is a very low-key, nonthreatening tool for getting the past and present down on paper. This book would not be something that a young person (or you and a young person) could complete in one sitting.

Many of the pages get at the truth of the child’s life. For example, the “Why?” page explores the reasons a child believes he or she came into care. There are pages for details about each foster care placement. There are pages for remembering the good and the bad. The book concludes with the “Life Plan Page.”

This book could be a useful for tool for a young person seeking to fill in the emptiness and for the foster parent wanting to walk in their shoes. The book can be ordered by calling 800/469-9666 or by writing to:

Adoption-Works
25 Harborview Ave.
Winthrop, MA 02152

The cost is $11.95 plus $3.95 shipping and handling.

I am looking forward to wearing my own shoes again soon, but I plan to continue to try to really walk some of each day in the shoes of others.

Please share with me any resources that you think others might find useful. You can write to me (Becky Burmester, 625 Down Patrick Lane, Raleigh, NC 27615; [email protected]) or call me (919/870-9968). Happy reading!

Copyright � 2006 Jordan Institute for Families