Vol. 11, No. 2• May 2007
Writing Contest Results: Finding that Silver Lining
Drug addiction. Helplessness. Being hurt by people you count on. Being separated from your family and friends. Feeling lost, unwanted, confused . . . Kids in foster care can speak with authority about some pretty bad things.
Indeed, as professionals and foster parents it is sometimes hard for us to understand how the children we care for can survive and overcome the challenges they face.
Yet it’s clear that many do. This fact is powerfully demonstrated by the responses we received to the newsletter’s latest writing contest, which asked children and youth who are or have been in foster care to tell us about something that seemed bad at the time but turned out to be a good thing.
As you can see from the essays published here, kids have an amazing capacity to extract insight from crisis, strength from struggle, and hope from stark uncertainty. That’s something we must all keep in mind, especially when the going gets tough.
—John McMahon, Editor
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First Place
by "K," age 15
One thing that seemed bad to me was when my mommy went on drugs. To me it seemed as if she would never give it up. She would be gone days, weeks, and sometimes months without anyone having seen or heard from her. She would steal our stuff and sell it just to get more money to buy drugs. Almost every check she received was spent on drugs. We would have very little food and our utilities would be cut off. We would be in the cold house for days, sometimes weeks. We would go to our neighbor’s house asking for food. We would steal from the supermarkets.
Finally mommy got tired of it. I had to live with my paternal grandmother and my sisters went to their grandparents’ home. I didn’t know where my mother was. While I was at my grandmother’s house I was abused. My . . . grandmother kept me out of school for two years. The abuse continued throughout the two years. When my aunt found out, she went to the school and reported it. One of my old teachers notified DSS . . . . My sisters and I were placed in foster care. My sister was quickly reunified with her birth dad. I’ve been in the foster care system for the past four years. I’ve lived in a group home and two foster homes.
My mother was constantly getting in trouble . . . . When she first went to jail, I felt responsible. I had spent a great deal of time trying to convince her to stop doing drugs. I thought because I was her daughter I could make her stop. I thought me and my sisters were the reason why my mom got on drugs.
My daddy has been in jail since 2002. He is expected to be released in 2008. I hope he gets out and does what he is supposed to do. I felt very sad and depressed, lonely and scared because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me and my family. Everybody was separated from each other.
If you ask me now, I think it was a good thing for my mother to go to jail because that way her system would be clean. . . . I think she needed time to actually sit down and think about what happened to her family. I mean I actually thought she was going to die trying to get drugs. . . .
My mother has completed two recovery programs and has been clean for 90 days. She has made up her mind to participate in a two-year program because she knows that she needs more time in a safe environment.
I didn’t like being in foster care. Sometimes I still don’t like it, but I am grateful for foster care and the people in my life. My sisters are doing well . . . . all of us stay in contact with one another. . . .
I have said all of this just to say that this situation has made me strong. My situation could have been much worse. I thank God for keeping me. Now I am in school working hard on my grades. I am on the step team. I decided to be a positive person in spite of my situation. I feel like I have made it through the rough times and hard times. I think if I have made it this far, I could keep going. One day I hope and pray that my family will reunite. That’s my story—something that started out bad but ended up good.
K’s letter won first prize, for which she was awarded $100.
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Second Place
by Katie, age 14
When I heard the news about entering foster care I was scared and nervous because I was coming into a home of strangers and getting to know their rules. I felt so many feelings but the most outrageous feeling I felt was that I felt like I was going to be harmed.
But it turned out to be that I am safe, loved, and supported by my foster family. They are the F’s. We have gotten to know each other and I have talked to them about getting adopted by them. And I have waited patiently on their answer and they said yes, just not right away. But at first I didn’t think it would work because of my age. But we talked to who we needed to talk to about it and it worked. When you find out that you’re put up for adoption or won’t get adopted it might seem scary or upsetting but it’s really not that bad, cause you will still be able to have fun and be a kid or a teenager.
When I found out I could get adopted I was worried about my real family but the F’s and my caseworker said I could still have visits with them.
Being adopted is a wonderful thing because you have this family wanting to bring you in their home and get to know you and they want to love, support, and give you what you need. They want to be the mother, father—and sometimes brothers, sisters—that you’ve never had. It’s not that hard to give someone a chance that is willing to be there for you. I hope all the kids in foster care that want to be adopted make the right choice.
Katie’s letter won second prize, for which she was awarded $50.
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Third Place
by Donna, age 17
I became a foster child at age 15. I turned myself in to DSS custody. At my foster home I hated it at first. I thought they (my foster family) was being so mean by not letting me go out and do what I wanted to do. I was so sure I wanted to leave their house, but I didn’t want to go to a group home. That was really the only other choice I had. So I decided to stay there and suffer.
Well, as time passed by all that “discipline” and hard love really paid off. It made me a stronger and better person. It took a while, but I grew to love the H family. At one point I wanted them to adopt me. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I went back to live with my mom in October 2006.
I am now so thankful for all the trouble we went through at “the H’s House.” Most of all, I am go glad the H’s didn’t ever give up on me. And even though I’m not a foster child anymore, I still go to spend weekends with the H’s.
Donna’s letter won third prize, for which she was awarded $25.
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Alissa, age 9
When I found out that I was not going back to live with my birth mother, I felt sad. I found out at the same time that I was going to be adopted by a new family. I felt sad about that, too, because I didn’t want to move. . . . I was really scared. When I first met my adoptive mom and dad, I kind of felt happy because they looked like they were nice. As it turns out, I had a fun time and now I am part of their family.
Alissa received $15 for having her letter published.
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Joy, age 12
. . . . My mother’s been telling me for seven years [she would get us back and we would be happy again] and it hasn’t happened yet . . . . Now I realize that my brothers and me aren’t going back home with our mother again. It will just be for visits unless she loses her rights.
But I’m in this good foster home . . . and they treat me well and they made me have confidence in myself and I feel smart and sometimes prettier.
What do you think? Am I blessed or not? If you were in foster care from the time you were 5 years old till you’re almost 13 years old and your mother and father and grandparents keep telling you they will get you back? Would you begin to feel sad and wonder whether or not your parents will accept the fact that you’re not coming home and you don’t believe it anymore?
But now I’m in a good foster home . . . and now my aunt is trying to get me and I am happy. And my cousins go to the same school and we’re both happy. I guess bad things can turn good.
Joy received $15 for having her letter published.
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Samantha, age 15
When I entered into foster care, I had a very bad attitude. I hated life and I just wanted to die because I seemed lost in this world. I felt that no one cared about me and that everyone was against me.
As I started high school, I changed my whole life around. I told myself that there are things worth living for. So I made new friends, I am on the “A” honor roll, and I feel thankful.
Now that I am in foster care, I’ve realized that all those people that I thought were against me were only trying to help me through my life. I now think foster care is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have a wonderful foster parent that cares about me a lot more than any person ever has. I also see my mistakes that I’ve made in the past. Now I wake up every morning thinking of what I can do to change the feelings that are still with me from my past. I tell myself that everything will be OK and today will be a good day. . . .
To the people who are reading this, always give something a try before giving up, because the harder you try the easier things get. Just give all of your hard work and it will pay off.
Samantha received $15 for having her letter published.
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Star, age 12
I got taken away from my biological parents when I was four years old.
I was really scared. I didn’t know who my foster parents would be. All I knew was their names. When I did get used to my foster family I still cried a lot because I missed my family and friends. Then the foster family decided it was time for me to go to a different family.
I went through five foster families before I got to the one I’m with now. They welcomed me into their home and gave me a place to stay. I wanted this to be my home from now on. I tried my best to act like I was taught to by all the other foster families. I didn’t want to keep going to different foster families and no one wanting me.
The reason no one else wanted me was because I acted up a lot. I thought that if I acted up a lot I would be able to go to my biological family. But they didn’t know how to care for me or teach me anything. So when I first got taken away from my biological family and put into a foster home I thought it was bad at the moment but in the end it turned out to be good.
I am now adopted by the last family I mentioned. And now I know that my life before I came here wasn’t anything compared to my life now. And what used to be bad turned out very good. Actually, it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me . . . . now I have a family I can call my own and that care about and love me very much.
Star received $15 for having her letter published.
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Additional Responses to the Contest
To read additional essays submitted in response to the contest, click here.
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Poetry and Artwork
The Road
by Benita, age 15
May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your heart
And rain softly upon your soul
But until we meet again
May God hold you in the palms of his hands
To keep you on track and focused
To also have hope that you
And your family don’t become separated
Because of stupid decisions made each and every day!* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Behind These Hazel Brown Eyes
by Benita, age 15
Behind these hazel brown eyes
There’s a young girl who’s watching a city being destroyed
In front of her
Because people is always putting her down
They say she will never change
But now she is saved
And sees something better for herself
That no one can see
Because it stays behind these hazel brown eyes
Of a girl who wants a good family
But she always feels alone
But she is only incomplete on the inside
So it stays behind these hazel brown eyes
Of a girl determined to someday make her dreams come true
But not one knows
Because it stays behind these hazel brown eyes
Of a girl who sees nothing
But hell in her life now!* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Not Belonging
by Benita, age 15
Alcohol separated me and someone very special to me.
I was separated and it seems like I will never be found.
It’s like being killed and brought back to life to start out all over again.
When you try to live somewhere you don’t belong
Then it becomes tuff for you
And for all those around you
When a person loses trust in you
Then it’s like going through hell and back
Because you get treated like an enemy
So now you have to do so much more to prove that you are not the person they think you are.
I guess to say the only thing a person is left to do is pray, fast, do praise shouts,
And also by screaming into a pillow during the most stressful times
This is what I call having a little respect deep down inside
Even though you sometimes want to take some heads off by speaking your mind . . .* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Last Tear
By Katie, age 14
W hen I cry, I
wonder why and I say
to myself am I
going to die?I think to myself
I wish I was like
the other kids and cry
the last tear.W ell now here’s my
chance to cry my last
tear.I can stop and lose
my fear and start talking
to my peers.A fter I cry my
last tear I can finally
have a career.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A New Start
by Samantha, age 15
No more tears
For no more years
My life is in God’s hands now
I know He will take care of me somehow
The Lord works in a weird way
From now on He’ll be within my soul everyday
He gives joy in my heart—finally, no more pain
With Jesus in my heart I will never feel the same
With all hate in my soul I was blind to see
That God only loves me
He will forgive me for the choices I’ve made
Never again will my life fade
Into a deep, dark, cold heart
Nothing will ever tear me apart
From His unconditional love* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Rebecca received $10 for having this drawing published in the online edition of Fostering Perspectives.
Copyright � 2007 Jordan Institute for Families
