Vol. 1, No. 1 • Spring 1997

What Would You Do?
by Joanne Caye and John McMahon

In this column we present scenarios involving foster parents and children. At the end of each, we ask for your input: how would you handle these situations? Have you had problems like these yourself? We really want to know what you think.

Why? Because in working with kids day in and day out, you have learned important things about helping children in foster care, things the foster parents and helping professionals who read Fostering Perspectives want and need to know. Although we can't promise to print every response, we will try to pass along your thoughts and "advice" to people who care for children like Eric and Dan by printing them in our next issue.

Getting in touch with us is as easy as picking up the phone. Just e-mail us at [email protected]. Please be sure to tell us what scenario you're responding to, how to spell your name, and the state and country in which you live.

Eric Eric is 14. He is small for his age, under 5 feet, but he makes up for his size with "presence." Eric's foster mother, Brenda, sometimes likens his constant mood changes to switching channels on a TV. He can go from angry, to funny, to violent, to kind in a short period of time. Sometimes he is well-connected to the people and the world around him.

Sometimes, however, the electrical cord is just not in the wall at all. Brenda says she learns to vary her involvement with Eric depending upon which channel is on the screen.

Eric doesn't make transitions well. When he is pulled away from the computer (which he loves) before he is ready, he will hit the wall, kick, curse, make racial remarks, and scream.

This causes problems at school. Brenda has had numerous discussions with teachers and administrators about Eric's need for slower transitions. She has asked them to allow him a little extra time to finish up his computer work, but the school system has been unable or unwilling to vary Eric's schedule. So the outbursts continue frequently.

Brenda has purchased a cellular phone so that school personnel can call her when Eric is out of control. They expect Brenda or her husband to come to school right away and retrieve Eric. The calls come at least once a week.

Last week, Brenda attended a planning meeting about Eric. The school said that they couldn't offer Eric the supervision and guidance needed to keep him and his fellow students safe when he has these outbursts. The committee asked Brenda to sign a release giving them permission to send Eric home at eleven every morning.

How might you handle this? What suggestions and experience have you had in this kind of situation?

Danny Danny is 10. He has worn leg braces since he was very young, as a result of an accident. He cannot move easily, but is physically quite strong. He uses crutches to get around. Because of circulation problems and poor personal hygiene, Danny has frequent infections.

Danny is angry most of the time, is easily frustrated, and gets into frequent fights when other kids tease him or make fun of his ungainly movements. He yells, curses, throws things, and then becomes depressed. He says he feels like he's "second class." He does not deal well with any kind of authority, and becomes verbally abusive to someone giving him "orders."

Danny entered the foster care system because his grandmother was no longer able to care for him. His parents, both substance abusers, disappeared from his life when he was a toddler. His grandmother's health is poor, and his anger and fighting overwhelm her.

Danny wants to be active. He keeps asking to ride on the back of other kids' bikes, which he is not allowed to do before he came into foster care. At school he asks to play volleyball. He says he can balance on this crutches and hit the ball.

Concerned about his physical safety and his angry outbursts, adults have been quite conservative about allowing Danny to engage in activities that interest him. Danny is becoming more and more upset and vocal about this situation. His new foster family is in a quandary about the best way to proceed.

How would you respond to Danny's requests?

To read the responses in the next issue, see "What Would You Do: Case of Eric and Danny."

Joanne Caye is a Clinical Instructor with the North Carolina Family and Children's Resource Program at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Social Work.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families