Vol. 6, No. 1 November 2001
The
effects of grief and loss on children in foster care
by
Selena Berrier
All children in foster
care have experienced tremendous loss. Even in the very best of foster
care placements, children will experience loss of their familiar home
surroundings, at least some disruption of daily routines, loss of personal
belongings, pets, and family membersparents, siblings, and kin.
Even when the plan
is reunification, and there is a good possibility that they will be
returned home, children experience profound loss while they are separated
from their caregivers. How a child experiences loss depends on many
factors, including:
The child's developmental
level
The significance of the
people separated
Whether the separation is
temporary or permanent
The degree of familiarity
of the new surroundings
Of these factors,
a child's developmental level will most deeply impact his or her understanding
of the situation, and therefore influence how he or she behaves while
in foster care. The following is a brief summary of how a child's developmental
level will affect his or her response to grief and loss.
Infancy
A child's major developmental
task during infancy is establishing trust. When an infant experiences
the profound loss of a parent or primary caregiver, the infant is at
risk of losing his or her basic sense of trust in adults, and the world
at large. Specific grief and loss related behaviors include crying loudly,
withdrawal, apathy, and mournful crying. Foster parents can help reduce
an infant's experience of loss by maintaining the infant's routines
(as best as possible). Infants also find comfort in familiar smellsalthough
sometimes it goes against our instincts not to wash all of the infant's
belongings, it gives the infant a sense of security to keep something
that smells of the infant's home.
Preschool:
Two Years to Five Years of Age
At this age, children
have not developed logical thinking abilities, and do not understand
cause, effect, or permanence. Children of this age who experience loss
may feel sadness, hopelessness, denial, and guilt. The fear of further
loss may make the child clingy, anxious, and stubborn. Foster parents
can help reduce the stress of loss by answering the child's questions
honestly, providing loving, stable interactions, and patiently attempting
to connect with the child.
School
Age: Six Years to Eleven Years of Age
During this period,
children are developing their ability to understand cause, effect, and
time. They are beginning to form concrete and logical thoughts. Grief
will show itself in school or learning problems, and pre ccupation with
the loss of caregivers and or related worries. Foster parents should
be available, sympathetic listeners and help teachers and other significant
adults understand that the child's behavior and performance is related
to his or her overwhelming sadness.
Adolescence:
Twelve Years to Nineteen Years of Age
At this stage, children
understand permanence and will grieve like an adult, following the five
stages of grief described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (Shock/Denial, Anger/Protest,
Bargaining, Depression, Resolution). Complicating the grief process
is the adolescent's primary developmental task: forming his or her own
identity. Issues of independence, resistance, and separation are already
occurringprofound loss adds a tremendous amount of stress to his
or her maturation process. When faced with loss, adolescents can turn
to destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, eating disorders,
depression, etc. Foster parents can help adolescents deal with their
conflicting emotions by helping them maintain their sense of identity,
allowing them to make choices (that are not harmful), and by encouraging
safe expressions and experiences of freedom and independence.
Foster children are
often in a state of "limbo." When initially placed into care,
it is often unknown whether the child will or will not return home.
Until a birth parent's rights are relinquished or terminated, it is
difficult for a child to complete the grief process. Foster parents
who are providing care during this time of limbo need to help children
maintain attachments with their caregivers. Continual contact between
birth parents and the child (even if it is not face-to-face) is recommended.
Through contact and visits, the child's family can reassure the child
he or she is safe and loved.
When separation from
the birth family is permanent, it is the foster parents' responsibilityalong
with the social workerto help the child feel safe, secure, and
prepared for the future. Honest, developmentally appropriate communication
is essential. Social workers and foster parents need to work closely
together to develop a plan to help the child grieve and adapt during
this transitional time between permanent homes.
Selena Berrier
is an educational specialist with the Family & Children's Resource
Program at the UNC-Chapel Hill School of Social Work.
Resources for Foster
Parents
A Child's Journey
Through Placement. This highly readable book is a must for social
workers and foster parents. Dr. Vera Fahlberg explains the impact of
separation and loss on attachment and includes concrete tips and examples
for helping minimize the trauma of moves, managing behavior problems,
and communicating with children. (Fahlberg, V. (1991). A child's
journey through placement. Indianapolis, IN: Perspectives Press.)
Helping Children
Cope with Separation and Loss. In this classic book, author Claudia
Jewett provides detailed information about helping children (of different
ages and developmental stages) cope with separation and loss. (Jewett,
C. (1982). Helping children cope with separation and loss. Harvard,
MA: Harvard Common Press.)
Copyright �
2001 Jordan Institute for Families