Vol. 6, No. 1• November 2001

Understanding your motivation as a foster parent
by Amy Ramirez

As a foster parent, you are needed more now than ever before. By the late 1990s, more than 500,00 children were in foster care in the U.S. — an increase of more than 90% over the previous decade. Experts anticipate that the number of children in foster care will continue to rise.

At the same time, our country has only 130,000 foster homes. To meet the pressing need for additional foster parents, North Carolina county departments of social services and other child welfare agencies are doing everything they can to seek out, train, and support new foster families.

Part of this process involves helping each potential foster family reflect on why they want to care for foster children and to decide whether fostering is really right for them. For most foster parents, thoughts about what motivates them to do what they do don't end there. Because foster parenting is such demanding work, the rewards and the needs that drive them to nurture children in difficulty are never far from most foster parents' minds. Lucky parents see them every day in the burp and sigh of a contented infant, in the proud smiles that follow success in school, or signs that a formerly anxious child is feeling safe and well again under their care.

Sometimes the experience of caring for foster children helps people realize that they were not being completely honest with themselves when they thought about why they wanted to foster. For example, Pam (not her real name) told herself and others that she was getting into fostering out of a desire to help children in need. While that was true, Pam later admitted to herself that an equally powerful motivation was the fact that her youngest child was going away to college. She didn't want to go back to work as other women her age were doing, and she dreaded the prospect of a house empty of children. "The truth is," she says, "I missed kids, especially the babies. I'm a nurturing person, and I have a lot to give children."

Although things worked out well for Pam, mistaken or unclear motivations can mean trouble for foster parents. If the desires that motivate you are not being satisfied, there will be added tension in your life, and the task of foster parenting may be more difficult. In the worst cases, this can lead people to quit fostering, which may cause additional trauma for foster children.

Reflecting on their motivations helps many foster parents reaffirm their commitment to help children who really need it. To help you in your own reflections, we pro

vide the following list of common reasons people foster. In looking over this list, it is important to remember that there may be many reasons behind your desire to foster a child. Specific reasons may or may not be appropriate, given your family's unique attitude and situation.

Appropriate and Inappropriate Motivations

Altruism or social conscience

Many individuals choose to become foster parents out of an altruistic desire to help children in need of a home. This motivation is strongly correlated with successful foster parenting.

Companionship for one's own children

This is a frequently expressed motive. This is not necessarily a poor motive, but it must be explored. To desire a "sibling" for one's own child for the betterment of both children is appropriate, but it should not be a person's primary motivation for fostering. There are also less suitable motivations for wanting an additional child. For example, some parents are seeking an excuse to give their own children less direct attention. Others want a child to use as a comparison for his or her own child, to demonstrate the child's superiority over the foster child (or vice versa). Others want a teenager to provide childcare.

Desire to derive income

This is often a reason for desiring to become a foster parent, and it is not necessarily a bad one. Parents may view foster parenting as providing child care, a service provided for a fee. Often mothers who desire to stay home with their own children decide to foster so they can supplement their income.

Most foster families understand, however, that reimbursement is often minimal, while the children require their care 24 hours a day. Indeed, a great many foster parents end up spending their own money, in addition to all of the money they recieve from DSS, so they can provide the best care possible to their foster children.

Desire to nurture children or desire to adopt

Many foster parents choose to become foster parents due to a desire to raise children when they do not have children at home. Some foster parents simply enjoy

children. Another possible motivation is a desire to eventually adopt. If this is the case, the family must be able to deal with the possibility that they will not be able to adopt the child. This motivation is strongly correlated with successful foster parenting.

Identification with deprived children

Some people are motivated to foster because they have had experiences (abuse, neglect, dependency) similar to those of children in foster care . Now that they are adults, they identify with these children and wish to help them. This motivation is strongly correlated with successful foster parenting.

Insecurity or a need to be needed

Some people have to be depended on by young children in order to feel useful or to build up their own self-esteem.

Life dissatisfaction

A person may be motivated by loneliness, a need to dominate others, or dissatisfaction with life at present and may be looking for a child to "fix" the situation.

Conclusion

Although motives may appear to be clearly good or bad, it is rarely such a straightforward distinction. For example, there is often criticism of foster parents who are motivated, at least in part, by a desire to derive income. Yet many people get paid to provide child care, and we are not critical of people who do that.

Motives must be explored and examined according to each person's particular life situation. Whether a motivation is appropriate or not often depends on the family's situation.

Strong foster parents

• Never stop learning.

• Know and do not go beyond their own limits.

• Expect to be informed foster parents.

• Contribute to sound planning.

• Seek and expect help from the agency when problems arise.

• Know when enough is enough.

Amy Ramirez is a Curriculum Development Assistant at the Family and Children's Resource Program at the UNC-CH School of Social Work.

Copyright � 2001 Jordan Institute for Families