Vol. 8, No. 2• May 2004

Ashley's Story

by Ashley, age 7

My aunt punched my mama in the face one time. She didn’t want my mama to come in one night. So she punched her. We was all standing out there and playing by the rocks and my aunt punched my mama. Then my mama went out and was walking backwards and she yelled and cussed. My aunt just slammed the door and everyone left. We all walked back to our apartments. I liked our old apartments but there was shooting and stuff and then you have to wake up.

They took me from my mama because she drank and did drugs and she couldn’t stop. My mama’s friend gave my sister some drugs and it was light brown. My sister almost threw up on me. My mama and her friend would go to the store and get beer and me and my sister would get juice and candy and not drugs or drink. My mama and her friend would fight and knock stuff down. That’s why I'm glad her friend moved out.

I love my brother and sister. My brother lives with his daddy. Before that he lived with his foster mom. My sister and me live with our foster mom.

Before that we all three stayed in that other foster home. They used to beat me. I asked the lady if I could sit in the chair and she wouldn’t let me. The other children there didn't want to play with me. It was a white lady. We stayed there when I was moved from my aunt.

We stayed with my aunt when I was first moved from my mama. My aunt and them kept fighting and saying cusswords and knocking lamps down and knocking flowers down and I was scared and stuff. Then I went to the white lady. My brother slept on the floor and floors are dirty. But soon I moved to where I am now.

Now I stay with my foster mom and I call her Mama. But I’m not really supposed to call her “Mama” because I went to see my real Mama and she said, “Don’t call her Mama, just call her by her name.”

I think she don’t like her or something.

Ashley is seven years old. She received $15 for having her story published in Fostering Perspectives

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A Foster Parent Responds to Ashley's Story

Foster parents fill a tall order

by Kay Gillis

She’s seven years old. She is in the second grade and LOVES school. She got an award for perfect attendance. Her favorite breakfast is waffles from our heart shaped waffle maker. She goes to Brownies every other week and has earned four badges. I sewed them on her vest. She is so excited about her upcoming dance recital. She is very proud of the library card that has her name typed right on it. She worries about whether her friends will come to her birthday party and if they will all be in the same class next year. She is my Goddaughter.

As I watch her play in our yard, I read Ashley’s story. Ashley is seven years old. How many schools has she been in? How many days has she missed? How can she catch up on all those missed lessons? She worries about shootings at her old apartments and when that will happen here. She worries about how her brother is doing in his daddy’s home and when she will get to see him. She worries about her new home, because if her mama doesn’t like her foster mom, maybe she shouldn’t either.

To Ashley, a life of cussing, punching, throwing things, drinking, doing drugs, and moving from place to place is normal.

Then she comes to live with one of us: a foster parent. How strange it must seem! Now she’s expected to sit at a table for meals and go to school every day. She’s expected to tell us—without throwing things—when she’s upset or angry. She’s expected to get along with her new “siblings,” even though her mom and her aunt could never get along. She is expected not to worry about her family, to trust us and her caseworker to know what’s best for her. She is expected to be like my Goddaughter.

As foster parents, we want to bring about positive changes in Ashley, to show her a different way of life. We want her to have a bright future, to teach her to succeed. We want her to feel safe and secure, optimistic and loved. We know the process will be slow, but we believe it can be done. That’s why we’re foster parents.

But as we care for our children we must always remember one essential fact: Ashley and the other children in the child welfare system will never stop loving the families they came from. They will never lose the craving to be loved by them.

That’s why, if we really want to help children feel good about themselves, we must help them feel good about their families. Not only that, but we must reach out to birth families and have meaningful contact with them. For the sake of the children, we must be Family Preservationists, as well as Foster Parents.

It’s a tall order, I know. But then, creating the changes we want for all the Ashleys of the world is a tall order, too. And there’s no group I know of better equipped to fill tall orders than foster parents.

Kay is a foster parent and a Regional Vice President for the NC Foster Parents Association

Copyright � 2004 Jordan Institute for Families