Vol. 9, No. 1• November 2004

A Reader Asks . . .

If you have a question about foster care or adoption in North Carolina, please write, e-mail, or fax your question to us using the contact information found here. We’ll do our best to respond to your question either in a direct reply or in a future issue of this newsletter.

Question: Why do I hear agencies need more foster parents, when licensed foster parents like me are still waiting to have children placed in our homes?

One of the goals of North Carolina’s child welfare system is to have “one stable foster placement for each child in foster care in the child’s own community.” This means we continuously need to recruit families all across North Carolina, in every community. The definition of community, according to Webster, ranges from “a unified body of individuals… living in a particular area” to the “society at large.” This range is pretty big!

When it comes to recruitment of foster/adoptive families, North Carolina interprets community this way: keep the child close to familiar friends, neighborhood resources, school and/or extended family. Since there is no way to predict what geographical area a child will be removed from, we need to be ready in all areas. This means some families may have a steady flow of children placed in their home temporarily while others may not. I know it can be frustrating to have gone through so much to become licensed and not yet have a child in your home.

There are a couple things you can do. First, talk to your agency about providing respite care for other parents in your county. Many families only ask their agency about respite when they are going on an extended vacation, but there are plenty of foster parents who would appreciate respite just for a weekend. Self-care is important, especially for foster/adoptive parents, and a weekend for rejuvenation is not only needed, but will help the agency with retention!

Second, verify with your worker that you have realistic expectations regarding the type of children in foster care in your county. For example, if you are hoping for a child under the age of ten and all the children in your area are over 14, you may want to consider adjusting your age preferences. Also, if you are uncomfortable working with the child’s birth family towards reunification, the agency may be selecting other families that are more willing to do that. Just make sure you and your agency are on the same page.

Third, get involved in other aspects of child welfare. Become an advocate for children in your community by giving presentations at civic groups or in your faith community. Become a guardian ad litem, a mentor, a big brother/big sister, or help at the boys and girls club. Ask the agency if they need help with recruitment, following-up with interested families, or transportation. Ask them to put you in contact with local group homes that may need volunteers.

I know the wait can be difficult, but I encourage you to stay licensed, stay involved, and to join a local support group or foster parent association if you do not belong to one already. You never know when a child from your community will need the loving family environment you can provide.

Question: Sometimes when people learn I am a foster/adoptive parent they say stuff like, “You are such a SAINT! I could NEVER do what you are doing!” What should I say in response?

This is such a great question because this has happened to most of us at one time or another. I encourage everyone to use these opportunities to educate people by saying something like,“I think you could do it too, but I respect your decision. There are other ways you can be involved other than becoming a foster/adoptive parent, though. We could really use your help!”

Then, educate them about the possibility of donating money or fundraising for your local parent support group, the NCFPA, SAYSO, etc. Or, let them know we really need more big brothers/big sisters, more guardians ad litem, more mentors in schools, etc. Ask if they could help by volunteering at local events or at their local Boys & Girls Clubs. Or perhaps they could sponsor a child in foster care to go to a camp in the summer, or help coordinate the collection of gifts for foster children over the holidays.

The bottom line: There is plenty for people to do, even if they choose not to foster or adopt. It isn’t for everyone! But if someone admires you for it, get them engaged in the system. They clearly care. Plus, do you know how many people become foster/adoptive parents because they know a specific child in need? LOTS! The more people we engage in the child welfare system as a whole, the greater chance we have of someone else coming up to them in the future with that same sentence! “Oh, I could NEVER do what you do!”

Responses by Jeanne Preisler, Director, NC Kids Adoption and Foster Care Network

Copyright � 2004 Jordan Institute for Families