Vol. 9, No. 2 • May 2005
More letters of advice about foster care from children who have been there
The letters you find here were submitted in response to the writing contest in volume 9, number 1 of Fostering Perspectives, which asked children who are or were in foster care to: Imagine you know someone entering foster care for the first time. He or she is the same age you were when you entered foster care. Based on what you know now, write a letter giving advice to this boy or girl.
These children whose work is published on this page received a Fostering Perspectives pen and letter of congratulations for having their letters published in the online version of the newsletter. In some cases the names of the children and others mentioned in their letters have been changed to protect their confidentiality.
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Devin, age 8
One day a boy named Jesse asked me some questions about foster care because he was going to be a foster child. He asked me when will he see his mom. I told him he will see his mom once a week for one hour. It might feel a little bit scary, but when you get used to it you won’t be scared no more. After he went into foster care he felt better.
PS, It really isn’t that bad because it feels like being with your cousin.
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Jessie, age 7
One day I met a little girl. She was about to go in foster care and she was scared. I told her I was in foster care and I was a little scared too. Most of the foster parents are nice. I talked to foster grandma and I felt better. When you get to foster care you need to talk to someone about your feelings. It is not that bad.
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Brianne, age 9
Once there was a little girl named Leona. She said, “Bria, could you give me some advice, because when I get home I am going into foster care. This is the advice I gave her: You need to open your heart and believe that God will work everything out. You also need not to be scared. You also need to have fun! The major thing you do not need to do is worry about your mom and dad because social services will take care of everything. Oh yeah, and there are people that are there for you. They will take good care of you. The people that are there for you are the therapist, social service worker, and your foster parents. It’s OK to cry!
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Heaven
Dear Foster Child,
My name is Heaven and I would like to give you some advice on how to get used to the foster kid kind of things.
When I first became a foster kid it was hard to stay calm and nice because I really missed my family. Plus I had to move from one place to another because no one could stand me. I went to my Aunt Judy’s, then my Aunt Delores’, and then I came to my foster home and was still not doing too good. But now I’m adopted, plus I’m getting better.
Oh yeah, my advice to you is no matter how bad things go or how long things go, hang in there.
Your foster friend, Heaven
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Chanel, age 12
When I was placed in a foster home, I was just 10 years old. It was not fun until I got to meet friends. When I moved I felt sad because I knew I would not know anyone at the C’s place and the day I moved I met this boy named Scott. He was telling me that he used to be in a foster home until his mother stopped doing drugs. I was thinking to myself that he had the same issue I had.
These are some of the things I did to get over when I moved: Don’t worry because you have a foster family there supporting you and your real family is trying to get you back. Just pray about it and see what God will do!!!! Also, there is an adoptive family out there that wants to adopt you!!! While you are waiting for a family to adopt you, just focus on your school work and get a good education and always PRAY!!!
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Elijah, age 15
Hello friend,
I’ve heard you’ve entered the foster care system. Things sure seem different, huh? I assure you with all certainty things are just as well as if you were once again acquainted with your family. Foster care is a program which allows unfortunate children to be placed in the care of families who have been evaluated and trained to specialize in being a positive influence and parent in children’s lives.
The easy hard part of the transition is soon to end. The hardest part of all transitions is getting used to the fact that you do not live with your family. I feel that children shouldn’t have to go through the sorrows of being taken away from their families. I was once in the foster care system. Actually, I still am in foster care. It’s been a great deal of time since I was with my family, but I’ve coped with the situation and tended to make the best out of it that I can. I’ve found that foster care has some good qualities, such as: foster parents know interesting thing that they may teach you, going places you may never have been before, and other great benefits.
I’m glad I have had a chance to tell you what is expected to come concerning foster care. It’s a great experience, second best as I’m concerned. Hang in there, I really do admire you for having the experience of foster care and the wonderful opportunities it presents. Don’t give up, it’s a special gift to all of us foster kids. You’ll see.
With all pleasure, your friend, Elijah
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Katie Marie , age 11
Hi! My name is Katie and I’m eleven years old. When I entered foster care for the first time I was five years old. I was pretty nervous but I managed to do all right. I went to Mrs. R. When I got used to the place I was so happy and thought I would stay there forever. Finally, I had to move. I cried and cried, but I was OK.
I moved to my Aunt Sharon’s house with my baby sister. Sometimes she would get fussy and we would have to take her outside to ride her bike or on her baby swing. We had a great two years together with the holidays and things like that. But I knew pretty soon I would be leaving and I would miss my aunt and my sister and thought I would probably never see them again and that I would move to a strange place.
But once more I was happy and had joy in my heart. I knew I would be taken care of. I had a foster brother who was nine and two older foster brothers—twins—who were sixteen. My foster parents were Denise and Eric. Their grandson Anthony was two. I also went to [name of elementary school] for a year.
I made one last move in November 2004. I knew this one was for good and that they were going to adopt me. They are great people. They have a dog named Emma, short for Emerald. So I am happy now that they are going to be my mom and dad!
So the advice I am trying to give you is to let things at ease and just be yourself. It may take a bit of time, but you will be happy! Let your parents have a chance and give yourself a chance and just be happy, OK? They are just trying to help you in your future. Soon you will probably be adopted like me! It just takes a little time. Just trust your parents and just know that they are going to take care of you. Just believe in them as you believe in God.
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Joy Elizabeth , age 13
I’ve been in foster care for about one year and ten months. I came when I was eleven. Now I’m thirteen. A girl named Danielle came to stay with us. She was eleven, the same age I was when I came. My advice to her was to help others and be kind and they should be nice back. She liked to sing. We used to go in the back yard and sing. She helped me out with my singing by telling me if I sing really loud I will sound better. I liked to play the guitar. She had a guitar but did not know how to play it, so I started giving her lessons. If we missed our parents we agreed to talk about it with each other. Because it will make you feel better. Once in a while we got in a fight, but its hard to stay mad at a friend for a long time.
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Ashley, age 16
Dear boy/girl,
My name is Ashley and I am sixteen years old. I live in a children’s home. I have been in a few foster homes and they are not as bad as they seem. I have been in the home for seven months and it is going well. Foster homes give you a place to say and provide you with what you need. I know some people have said some bad things about foster homes but [foster parents] care for you. Foster homes help you meet new people and help you learn skills that prepare you for the real world. I know some people are thinking I am hiding the truth about foster homes but I am not. I used to think they were bad places also but I found out the truth by living in a home. The staff treat you with respect and I treat them with respect also. Respecting others will get you a long way. Living in a foster home has been a great experience for me because I have matured a lot, learned how to cook, and have learned discipline. Foster homes also teach you how to be your own person and not to change for anyone. Many people say I will go a long way in life if I keep doing what I do, which is listening, respecting others, and helping my peers. I am here to help anyone out there who needs advice about foster homes because I have experienced a lot in life. I know some people are thinking, “She is only 16, what does she know?” I know enough to tell others that foster homes are a good place to stay when you have nowhere to go or nowhere to stay. Foster homes provide you with a lot in life. I have had more things now than I ever did at my home. My life has changed and I am sure yours will, too, if you want to make a difference in your life.
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Toka, age 18
I came to Freewill Baptist Children’s Home December 8, 2000. I was in the eighth grade when I came here. I was 14. it was my first time being away from my family. I thought it was going to be a bad place, but it wasn’t. Sometimes I had fun and sometimes things were not as good. I missed my family and friends. I was crying every day until I got adjusted. The day I got there everyone was in school. I met a lot of people when school was out for the day. One girl was cool. She taught me a lot of stuff. She told me to be myself and I listened to her. There was a Christmas party that night and I got a lot of gifts. That was the best Christmas ever since I have been here. Three weeks later, I got into trouble; I talked back to a house parent and did things I knew were wrong. Soon I got to go home to visit my family and then I got to go home for good. When I returned home, I started doing the same things again that got me sent to the Children’s Home the first time. So, I was sent back for the second time. I was the only black resident there and I felt that I was being treated differently from other girls.
This was November 26, 2001. I could go on but in short, I want to give you a little advice. When you are in a home like I was, there are rules. In order to get along with other residents and stay out of trouble, follow the rules and always listen to the house parents. You have to show respect, keep all negative remarks to yourself, and do what you need to do. If you give respect, you get respect. Don’t be like I was and get into trouble. I had a bad temper. I asked the agency to help me get through my 12trh grade (senior) year. I needed to go through therapy first and stay out of trouble; I told them I would. I attend school at Southern Nash High School. I have been there four years. This is my last year; I am in the 12th grade and have accomplished my goals. I have three months to stay at the Children’s Home and I will really miss the place. Everybody has helped me so much and it was like a home. I got in some major trouble in year two. I am very proud of myself. I got a part-time job and had a job over the summertime so I could save my money. One day, I packed my bags to go home for good, but the Children’s Home staff wanted me to stay so I could graduate. I am glad that they convinced me to stay and graduate. So I thank everybody for caring about me. I hope this letter helps you.
Copyright � 2005 Jordan Institute for Families
