Vol. 12, No. 1• November 2007

Books on the nightstand

A book review by Becky Burmester

A book store regularly e-mails me a survey. The questions are an attempt to learn what influences my purchasing decisions. I frequently select books based on the information on the cover. Pictures don’t matter much to me, but words are important.

The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis, Ph.D., David Cross, Ph.D. and Wendy Lyons Sunshine has a cover that captured my interest. A bright yellow circle promises to “Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family.”

After a solid week of fruitless nagging about meals, homework, etc. with my adopted 7-year-old son, this sounded like just what I needed.
Below the title the book continues selling itself, indicating it is for parents who have welcomed children from other countries and cultures, from troubled backgrounds, and with special behavioral or emotional needs.

I read this and think: I need this book NOW! My family life could improve – hope rises.

I am nearly always at the front of the line for more training concerning parenting. I do not believe that I will ever have too much understanding of issues in parenting, nor do I believe that there is a single way to parent all children. There are approaches that work better with some children than with others.

The Connected Child arrived at my house at a time when I was near the end of my rope. I was repeating the same ineffective approaches to dealing with my son all of the time. They did not work on Monday, or Tuesday, or Wednesday, but Thursday found me trying the same old things (loss of privileges, time outs, and some ineffective ranting and raving). We needed help and we needed it NOW!

On the book jacket Carol Kranowitz (author of The Out-of-Sync Child) calls The Connected Child “a must-read for all families striving to correct and connect with their children.” I think, I have to read this book, and quickly!

The book is written in a non-technical, chatty style. I got enthused early on and read straight through from cover to cover. This book is about parent child interactions in their entirety, with a table of contents that makes it easy to find the particular parenting technique you are interested in.

I began implementing some changes in my parenting as I was reading the book. Eye contact moved to the front burner. Shawn and I had some difficulties making eye contact every time. I cringed as I realized just how far our relationship had to go.

I began to stop and take three deep breaths before reacting. By the end of the first day, the kids were paying much more attention to this than I ever imagined. I accidentally took four deep breaths rather than the three I had been taking and they told me, “Hey, that’s four breaths!” I was calmer and they were more responsive.

This is a book I highly recommend. The price is $16.95 for a paperback copy. The techniques I have tried with my 5 and 7 year old became effective once they realized this is how I will respond now. I don’t successfully follow through every time, but I am getting better and my family is happier most of the time.

Suggestions?
What are you reading? Know books, magazines, or DVDs others might find useful? If so, contact me (becky.burmester@mind spring.com, 919/870-9968). Keep reading!

Copyright � 2007 Jordan Institute for Families