Vol. 12, No. 1• November 2007

If "40 is the new 30" . . .
Reflections on Helping Teenagers in Foster Care

by Jeanne Preisler

“40 is the new 30.” You may have heard the phrase before. It’s mentioned on TV when discussing how great Demi Moore or Sarah Jessica Parker look, and I’ve seen it on magazine covers while I wait in line at the grocery store. There is even a “40 is the new 30” bracelet you can purchase online.

But why am I writing about this in Fostering Perspectives, you ask? Good question. My friend just said it to me the other day and it got me thinking . . .

If 40 is the new 30, this actually has implications for us as foster and adoptive parents. You see, it would be logical to continue that pattern: 30 is the new 20 and 20 is the new 10. Well, maybe not 10. But certainly most 20-year-olds today are not exactly the same as we were when we were 20 years old.

This is especially true for youth in foster care. If they fell behind academically while moving from foster home to foster home, our youth may still even be in high school at 20 years old.

Implications for Fostering and Adopting Youth in Foster Care
When your agency asks you to foster or adopt a teenager, what they are really asking is, can you help prepare this young person for adulthood? Can you do that knowing that there is a chance they will turn 30 before they are really ready to move out on their own?

I know it’s pretty crazy to think about. But I speak from personal experience. My girls are 26 now and have lived with me on and off ever since they became “adults.”

Although they are currently living on their own, they are in college and still need as much support as they did when they were 18. In so many ways, they are much wiser than I was when I was 20-something. But in many other ways, they’re still learning.

* * * * * *

Two years ago SaySo’s Nancy Carter advised readers of this newsletter that:

For every move a young person makes in the substitute care system (including the first move from their biological family), assume they lose one year developmentally and academically. Therefore, a 17-year-old who has experienced 5 moves may respond emotionally and behaviorally much like a 12-year-old.

She may very well be right. The challenges of raising teenagers are difficult enough, but they are difficult and complex when you talk about raising teenagers from the foster care system.

Take the fictional Benton family, for example. Mr. and Mrs. Benton adopted Blake when he was 14. That was four years ago. Last year they adopted Jason, age 17. Both boys are 18 years old now, but Blake is more mature than Jason and is several years ahead of Jason educationally and emotionally.

Mr. and Mrs. Benton have to parent these boys very differently. It’s not always easy.

Adopting Teens = Youth Homelessness Prevention
In New York, there is an agency devoted entirely to finding teenagers permanent families. The thing is, they don’t call it foster care or adoption. They call their program a “Youth Homelessness Prevention Program.”

Did you know that up to 50% of youth in foster care become homeless within the first 18 months of becoming emancipated? And that 27% of the homeless population has spent time in foster care?

In the light of these alarming statistics, it is clear that we need your help. We are asking you to help prevent homelessness by caring for a teenager, knowing that he or she may not be ready to leave your home until his or her twenties.

I don’t mention these things to scare you. I just want to arm you with information so that you can discuss it with your family and help us recruit more parents to work with our young people. Parenting teens is tough, but with support from your community, your agency, and your foster and adoptive parent association, you can make a difference that will be felt for generations to come.

A Powerful Reminder
There is a great video that ABC did, “Aging Out of Foster Care,” that I highly encourage you to watch. Go to <http://abcnews.go.com/Video/> and enter "Aging Out of Foster Care" in the search engine. This presentation is a good reminder that all teenagers, even after they turn 18, long for a family. After watching it, please share the link with people in your e-mail address book.

You never know – someone you never expected might be ready to prevent youth homelessness. This video may be just the thing to get them started.

Start Small
If you are interested but nervous about working with teenagers, start small. Ask your agency if there is a teen who needs a mentor and spend time with this child once a month. Ask your agency if you can provide respite care for a teenager once a month. You may be surprised at your abilities.

Everyone Can Help
If, after becoming a mentor to a teenager and providing respite a few times for one, you decide it is not what is best for your family, you can still help. Make it your mission to recruit one person to become a foster or adoptive parent each month. Talk to your agency about how you can help their recruitment efforts for families who will work with teenagers.
Together, we can prevent homelessness and build better futures for all young people.

Copyright � 2007 Jordan Institute for Families