Vol. 12, No. 2 • June 2008

My Life, Your Life, Our Connection

by SaySo, Inc.

My name is Nicole Lyght, and I’m a member of the Board of Directors of SaySo. Beginning with this article, Fostering Perspectives is introducing a new SaySo column called “My Life, Your Life, Our Connection.” Every column will present a profile of someone in foster care and invite young people to write in with comments or questions. In the next issue of Fostering Perspectives we’ll share your comments, answer your questions, and present a profile of another SaySo member.

Foster parents and social workers, for this column to work we really need your help. Every time you get an issue of the newsletter, please make a point of sharing this column with youth in foster care. Sparking a dialogue among youths about important issues is what this is all about!

George’s Story
George Duvall entered foster care at an early age due to neglect. George’s goal was always to return home. His delinquent behaviors—such as stealing, running away, and fighting—eventually brought him to a boy’s camp in rural Kentucky. Soon he figured out how to “play the game” to get visits with his mother. His “good” behavior made it possible for George to live in a foster home. His first foster family was Caucasian (George is African-American) so he soon discovered that he could be loved by people different from himself. His stories of growing up in this home are very funny.

As George grew up, his foster family moved and his best friend’s family became licensed so he could live with them. George found his forever family with this family he chose himself. He has learned that family can have different meanings and that love can also be different—none of them better than the other. George was an athlete and attended college playing football.

George and his best friend/brother are joined by their forever commitment to each other. His story touches both youths and adults and allows us all to laugh at the human part of foster care.

* * * * * * * *

When I heard George Duvall’s story, I realized that although every foster child’s experience isn’t the same, we are all the same in a sense: we are all striving to get to where we think we need to be and we do any and everything to get there. Luckily in the end, we find out the truth and do nothing but grow and prosper from it.

I was personally in a situation where I felt I needed to be with my mother and my family to succeed. However, most of my life was spent in foster care, away from my family.

Listening to Mr. Duvall was very inspiring and helpful because it let me know that I may not have a normal life, but I am a normal foster child.

Nicole’s Story
I was born in 1987. I lived in Virginia with my father for two years after I was born. I then moved to North Carolina with my mother at age three. When I was four my mother and I began to move around. By age seven I had moved from NC to Tennessee, Tennessee back to NC, NC to Virginia, Virginia to Florida, Florida back to Virginia, and Virginia back to NC. In that time I had lived in an apartment with no lights or water, with a friend of my mother’s, in an abandoned house, in a public bathroom, a shelter, and finally in a house with my biological family in Durham.

We didn’t stay with our family long, though, because of my mother’s attitude. We then moved out on our own to Chapel Hill, where we lived in another four houses in two years.

Then I was taken into foster care. I was on my way to the bus to go home when a man and a lady approached and asked me to stay off the bus. I overheard them talking to an authoritative person. They were saying that I wasn’t allowed to go home. My first instinct was to run, but I was obedient, so I stayed. I then learned why I wasn’t going home. I was eight years old and in the third grade. I had only been in that school for five or six months and had already missed 80 school days. Further investigation discovered that my mother was doing drugs. They said she was not a fit mother.

So I was taken into foster care. I lived in four foster homes and one group home throughout my years in foster care. I lived with very different people and learned many different things.

Because of that there is never a day that I regret being in foster care. I’ve had opportunities that I would not have had if it wasn’t for foster care. I went to school, did well, and am now in college. I’ve been to the Bahamas three times on three different cruise ships. I’ve been to Beyonce and Chris Brown Concerts. I’ve just been blessed to do things I thought I’d never do or experience.

I’m now a junior at North Carolina Central University. School is paid in full, I have a job, my own car, and I’m even back with my biological family. And after 10 years of not being there, my mother came back and is now staying with my family and me. Life has been so good to me, and so has the foster care system. Being in care has taught me one thing...the system works, you just have to make it work with you.

Your Response

• What feelings came up as you read Nicole’s story?
• Did something Nicole said or did in her life resemble your own?
• Would you like to ask her something about how she not only survived foster care, but thrived?
• How do you thrive and make the best of not being with your biological family?
• What can you say to other youths about how you have learned to work with the foster care system?

E-mail your responses to [email protected].

Copyright � 2008 Jordan Institute for Families