Vol. 13, No. 1• November 2008

12 Skills Corner . . .
Building Self-Esteem

by Jeanne Preisler

You may recall from your pre-service training, you studied 12 skills that help foster and adoptive parents become successful. In this edition of Fostering Perspectives, we want to highlight one of those skills: building your child’s self-esteem. It is never too late to build a child confidence and self-esteem. Here are ten ideas for you to try this month.

1. Spend quality time with your children. This sends the message that they are important and worthy. Each child must feel special, loved, and accepted.
   
   
2. Help them develop problem solving and decision making skills. This increases their sense of control and is an important part of developing self-motivation.
   
   
3. Avoid interrupting them when they are talking. Allowing them to complete their thought will help them feel that what they are saying is worth listening to.
   
   
4. Ask for their help. This could be helping around the house or giving back to the community. By allowing them to make a positive difference in the lives of others, we boost their own self-worth and confirm they have something valuable to offer.
   
   
5. Look at how you handle your mistakes. The way you deal with your mistakes serves as a model for how your children will respond to theirs. Do you get angry, yell or depressed when you make a mistake? Or do you discuss what you learned or how you might do things differently next time?
   
   
6. Praise is a very important motivator and will increase the child’s confidence. Never underestimate this simple tool—it can have a lifelong impact.
   
   
7. It is never too late to start a Life Book for a child. Life Books are an effective way to build self-esteem and help children cope with their past and current circumstances.
   
   
8. Frame your requests in the positive. Rather than saying, “Don’t leave the lights on!” say “Can you help us save money on the electric bill by turning off your radio and lights before school?”
   
   
9. Help them use good eye contact when interacting with someone. When you model this behavior it shows them they have your full attention.
   
   
10. When correcting behavior, do it in private and be sure to focus on the behavior rather than attacking the child’s character. This demonstrates and teaches the child respect.

Sources: Brooks, 2001; Parent Wonder, n.d.

Copyright � 2008 Jordan Institute for Families