Vol. 13, No. 1 • November 2008
Advice for Foster Parents Reluctant to Care for Teens
In the last issue we asked young people what they thought about the fact that some North Carolina adolescents live in group homes simply because there aren’t enough foster families that will take teens. We also asked them what they thought would change the minds of these reluctant families. Here’s what young people in foster care had to say.
—John McMahon, Editor
Note: The essay by the first place winner in the writing contest can be found in the article, "North Carolina Needs Foster Families for Teens" in this issue of Fostering Perspectives.* * * * * * *
Second Place
Shelby, age 16
Knowing that there aren’t enough homes for teenagers is really sad because I was once in that situation. Coming from my real mother’s home to a group home hurt me so bad because I thought no one cared . . . .
I think that if people (families) saw what these teenagers go through every day they might change their minds about what they should do to help them feel like they belong and are loved. My other suggestion is to have [foster families] spend a day in a foster home or group home where the caregivers just don’t care. Maybe then they will change their minds.
Shelby ’s letter won second place, for which she was awarded $50.
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Third Place
Mylieng, age 18
If I could say one thing to foster families it would be, yes, children need a lot of attention and nurturing, but we teens need someone to believe in us. We need someone to love us unconditionally and to dare us to dream. We need adults to take us in who are wanting us to make the best for ourselves and who will place high expectations on us so we can get somewhere with our lives.
All we need is a jump start. It’s like teaching a baby to walk. We need adults to hold out their arms for us, just in case we fall. As soon as we get used to walking, then those adults would know they had done their jobs as loving parents. Foster families such as these can save us from the streets and save us from destroying our lives and wasting our God-given talents . . . .
Every single human being on this earth has a gift but we need guidance as young adults to learn where our talents can take us. In my opinion, that all begins with love . . . .
My aunt loves me dearly and she always tells me how proud she is of me, which keeps motivating me to do my best. She loves me as her own daughter and she always pushes me with school and my best talent of all, writing. She knows I pour my heart and soul into my pen. Writing was my only escape from my cold childhood. I can pour my heart into my pen without it getting broken in the end. Her dream for me is to prove my mother wrong. She wants to see me make something of myself and to one day see my mother regret the way she has treated me. She, unlike many other aunts, dares me to dream. I believe with all my heart, if we had more foster parents like her, many of us broken teenagers would be healed. I believe all of us would be saved through love, and that we would all be able to carry on with our lives in a positive way, not afraid to carry our bruises and scars from the past. We would all be able to live out our dream that is buried deep within our broken hearts.
Mylieng’s essay won third prize, for which she was awarded $25.
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Katie, age 15
I’m not surprised by the fact that many teens in foster care live in group homes. When I first came into foster care, I was living in a group home . . . .
The world is full of skeptics and overly cautious people. You know, there is not necessarily anything wrong or bad about that. It’s just those kind of people don’t like uncharted waters. And come on now, a teenager with a separate background that you know nothing about and have no control over whatsoever is definitely what I would call uncharted waters. . . .
What I think would put these people’s minds at ease a little is if DSS would inform them more—share a little bit of background [about] what kind of kid they are, do they get in trouble a lot, you know, stuff like that. [Provide] the facts and a little more, to kinda give these parents a look at what these kids are like. The [foster] parent and the foster child should most definitely meet and get acquainted.
Katie received $15 for having her essay published.
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Carrie, age 12
In North Carolina . . . . [some] teens have to go to group homes [because] most foster families would rather have young kids than teens. I feel sad knowing that the teens will be placed in group homes . . . The minds of foster families could change by trying to know more about teens and then take classes about teens.
Carrie received $15 for having her essay published.
Copyright � 2008 Jordan Institute for Families
