Vol. 14, No. 2 • May 2010
Replace Parenting Stress with Happiness!
by Donna Foster
Good Morning!
It’s 5:00 a.m.—wake up—dress—walk downstairs to the kitchen—coffee on—start breakfast—Tommy is allergic to dairy products—Shanta only eats Cheerios and bananas—the others eat anything. Must prepare the children’s medications and vitamins. Let the dog out to the bathroom—run upstairs to wake up the kids—run downstairs to let the dog back into the house. Finish preparing the breakfast—pour the juice and milk—run upstairs to wake up the kids again—listen to their whining and moaning—check to see if their clothes are ready for the day—whoops, missing some socks—run downstairs to search the clean laundry—found them—run upstairs with the socks—yell at the kids who are still asleep—wearily hobble downstairs—check the school book bags for completed homework.
Kids stumble to the kitchen table crying out their feelings of excitement, blaming, whining, needing poster board for school, and feeling sick. Teeth need brushing—hair brushed—clothes straightened—OH MY GOSH, THE BUS IS HERE! Everyone out the door—Kevin—WHERE’S KEVIN? Found him—escort him on the bus!
Take a deep breath as you wave to them all—step back inside the house—scan the room—what tornado hit this house? And it’s only 6:45 a.m.
Does this sound anything like your mornings? Parents start their days with stress.
Parenting and Stress
Stress is a condition that occurs in response to actual or anticipated difficulties in life. Stress does not happen only during holidays, celebrations, and tragedies. Typically stress shows itself during daily routines. Families experience stress doing everyday things, such as trying to fit everyone’s schedules into a certain time frame. Additionally, foster parents must learn new children’s likes and dislikes and social services’ expectations. Life can be a spinning top, constantly twirling.When I have asked foster or adoptive parents what they do to take care of themselves, I often hear the same response: “I don’t have the time to take care of myself. One day I will do something for me.” Or I hear, “The kids don’t allow me the time.”
I was a foster parent for 17 years and I am the mother of two birth children and three step children. Everyone is grown and grandchildren have been added but the memories of life in those early years are still clear. It is so easy to put yourself last.
It’s Your Choice
As caretakers, time is at a premium. It’s pointless waiting for “time” to suddenly appear for you to handle your stress. You have to make the time. You are the captain of your ship. You can keep afloat and sail healthily through your life or sink unnecessarily.You deserve to feel less stress. You deserve to enjoy each day. Remember, you are a role model for your family members. If you want them to take care of themselves, you need to take care of yourself. Children learn more by what they see than what they hear.
What interests did you have before children entered your life? Did you play tennis, go to the movies, or enjoy dinner with friends? Which of your interests have you given up? Time for yourself is one of life’s rewards. Schedule “yourself” on your calendar. Guard that time!
Looking at your life, ask yourself what contentious issues you have with your family members or with others. In five years, will the winning or losing of these issues matter? There are so many of our battles we can let go of and spend that time enjoying the people we love.
You’ve heard the old saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” It’s true. Through laughing and joking we release endorphins in our bodies. We have the ability to physically and emotionally help in the healing of our spirits.
There are physical results from constant stress. When stress starts to take over your life, it is time to take some drastic measures. You can learn to manage your stress-before it takes a toll on your health. If left untreated, stress can lead to a wide range of medical problems, including: high blood pressure, sleep disorders, back pain, heart disease, stroke, and severe headaches.
How NOT to Cope with Stress
Negative ways people react to stress include:
- Overeating
- Smoking
- Biting their nails
- Drinking alcohol
- Using drugs, overusing medications
- Sickness
- Headaches
- Muscle tension
- Overreacting, yelling
- Mental fogginess, difficulty making decisions
- Sleeping excessively
- Sleepless nights
- Lateness
Healthy Ways to Control Stress
- Laughter
- Prayer
- Aerobic exercise
- A positive attitude
- Yoga
- Meditation
- Visualization
- Biofeedback
Look in the mirror and tell that incredible person looking back that it’s time for “you.” Your family will enjoy you more and you will appreciate the quality of your life. Living a life of gratitude and excitement brings joy to those who surround you. Make it a point to live, laugh, and love!
Laugh out loud.
Develop and maintain healthy eating habits.
Listen to raindrops.
Pet your dog or cat.
Sleep in.
Spend a few minutes on the back porch.
Walk barefoot on the beach.
Take a walk with someone special.
Take a long bath.
Listen to your favorite music and dance.
Give to others and let others give to you.
Stop planning and do something on an impulse.
Enjoy a few minutes of total solitude.
Visit garage sales and look for special bargains.
Remove your watch.
Hug a baby or a small child.
Go and fly a kite.
Listen to the birds.
Find your favorite aroma.
Go for a ride in the country.
Have an ice cream sundae.
Hold hands with someone special.
Go on an impromptu picnic.
Stop and smell the roses.
Look at old photograph albums.
Get a massage.
Adapted from “101 Ways to De-stress” by John Riddle
Donna Foster, an author, national trainer, and consultant, lives in Marshville, North Carolina.
Copyright � 2010 Jordan Institute for Families
