Vol. 14, No. 2 • May 2010

Young People Reflect on the Importance of Fathers

In the writing contest in the last issue we asked children who are or who have been in foster care one simple question: why are fathers important?

Their answers, which you’ll find on these pages, make it clear that fathers and father figures—and the lack thereof—matter deeply to children. We encourage you to also read the related story on the next page, which explores what good fathers give and how fatherless teenagers can get those things from other people.

—John McMahon, Editor

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First Place

by Casey, age 15

Since I am a foster child the role of my father has been a little different than most. My father left my brother and me about 11 years ago. In those 11 years he has come back a few times claiming that he has stopped drinking and wants to take care of my family. But it’s always a lie.

The most important thing I have learned from my experience is that we can’t always trust the people we love and that unconditional love is vitally important. Not having my father in my life has affected my confidence at school. I have missed these traits in a father.

I want someone to tell me that everything is OK. A father would do that. Even when the world is crashing all around me, a father should be there for me. Who helps me with homework? My father was gone before I started school. My mom was always with her friends, getting drunk. My assignments were wrong. People at school called me stupid. I started believing them.

School has always been hard for me. Not having my dad to help with assignments or projects has made me realize how hard school really is for me. In class I zone out a lot. I spend time thinking about my life BFC—before foster care. Could I have changed something, been sweeter, smarter? Everybody always said it was my fault that my family isn’t together. My head knows that’s not true. My heart forgets sometimes.

In movies, father-daughter bonds are indestructible. I imagine being that little girl with the dad everyone wants. The father who whispers, “You’re my little princess!” Other kids complain about how awful their dads are for not letting them do something stupid like go shopping or for making them work to get money for the things they want to do. I would love to have a father tell me that I am precious, the sky is the limit, I will stand behind you no matter what. I yearn for a dad to love me unconditionally.

Good dads are important! Who else can sit and applaud at graduation? Who else can walk you down the aisle? Who else can hold new grandbabies and promise to love them unconditionally? Dads should be there for the important events in their children’s lives!

Casey’s essay won first prize, for which she was awarded $100.

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Second Place

by Donisha

Growing up my real father wasn’t a part of my life, but I had a father figure in my life—my step-dad. He was in my life from the time I was two years of age till the time I was eleven. He was like the father I never had. He would always keep me in line, he always made sure that I was doing good in school, he always made time for family time, and he was always there to guide me when I needed him most. He was an excellent father. He helped me become the young woman I am today. Because of him I am very polite. He taught me how to be a lady, and that has made all the difference. He was really important in my life, and that is a great example of why I think fathers are important.

Fathers are important to babies, little boys and girls, teenagers like myself, and even grown adults. Every aspect of a dad is important. No matter what a man does as a father, good or bad, that impression will always stick with that child. It’s time for fathers to step up and be the dads they should be. It’s time to show the world exactly how important fathers actually are.

Donisha’s essay won second prize, for which she was awarded $50.

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Third Place

JC, age 8

My dad is important because he takes care of me and gave me a place to live. When I came to live with him he encouraged me to eat healthy and not eat junk food like I was used to. When I came to live with my dad all I talked about was football and wanting to play. My dad signed me up for football and any sports I wanted to play. He takes time out with me to play ball and takes me to football practice two times a week and my games on Saturday. When the games started I had two dads there for about two games. One never came back but, it was OK. I still had the dad that cared for me, would do anything for me, and that stood by me all the time. My dad buys me stuff and when I am sick he takes me to the doctor and takes care of me. My dad throws the football with me a lot. My dad has taught me what a real family is all about. He always listens to me and would do anything in the world to keep me safe. The dad I am talking about is the one that is going to adopt me and my sister. I cannot wait till the paper work is finally done.

JC’s essay won third prize, for which he was awarded $25.

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Ginger, age 15
When I think about a father figure, my papaw comes to mind. He has always been there for me. I didn’t meet my father until I was 12 years old and he has never been a part of my life. However, my papaw is an important part of my life because he spends time with me like a father should.

My papaw is special to me because he teaches me important things about life and cares about me. He has taught me how to do magic tricks. . . . They are real hard to learn. My papaw is very patient with me. . . . Sometimes my papaw and I go fishing . . . . He taught me how to swim when I was little. He just makes the world seem less serious. When I am with him I feel like I am the most important person in the world to him.

Most importantly I want him to be proud of me. I want him to support the decisions I make in life, especially the man I choose to marry. I hope that someday he will walk me down the aisle. When that day comes, I hope he’s smiling and saying, “That’s my granddaughter, I taught her well.”

Ginger received $15 for having her letter published.

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Justice, age 14
People always say, “Dads are not important.” I strongly disagree with that. I think that fathers are important because they help bring you into the world. I think dads are just as important as moms. . . .

Why are fathers important? We all know people who grew up with no father, like me. I did not have a real dad until I was 14. I am okay with that because I found someone who can love me as a daughter—Mr. Todd, my Resident Counselor. I love Mr. Todd as if he were my own father. I hope when I get married he will be my father and walk me down the aisle.

Justice received $15 for having her letter published

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The young people below each received $15 for having their letters published.

It hurts not to have a dad. I know, but sometimes people have to live with what they’ve got and make the best of it. If you look hard enough you might be able to find someone to stitch you up, but you’ll always have the scar. When I have kids I will never let them grow up without a father.
—Jasmine, age 15

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Dave is my role model because he is patient and puts up with stuff he hates. He is strong enough to support me and my injuries. Dave affirms and believes in me. . . . He always tells me I’m capable of great things even if I don’t see it now. He insists I can be whatever I want to be, even if it’s a hobo or princess. Dave accepts me with all my idiosyncrasies, no matter what. . . . Always and forever Dave will have a place in my heart. — Katherine, age 14

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I never had a dad growing up. This past year for some reason my dad wants to be in my life. I am not sure how I feel about his interest. I am a student and a foster child in a group home. The male figure who has been in my life for the past year has been my Resident Counselor in my group home, Mr. Steve. There are many reasons why Mr. Steve is an important figure in my life. The main reasons are that he gives me advice, he encourages me, and he is funny.

For some reason during this past year my real dad wants to be in my life again. Because of Mr. Steve giving me advice, encouraging me and making me laugh I know that fathers are important. — Ashtian, age 14

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Fathers are important because they are really strong. . . . Without my dad I could not fish well, put up a tent well, drive go-carts, or do handy work. —Dustin, age 10

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My dad is important because he adopted my two brothers and me. He took us and loved us like we were born in his family! I love my Daddy!
—Hayleigh, age 8

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My father’s name is Gloria. I know she is my mother, but she is my father, too. I came to her when I was 4 years old. I came to her as a foster child. My brother did, too. She treated me like her own child. We got adopted when I was in second grade. My mama acts like a mother and a father. I know it is hard. She is teaching us to do the right thing. I have brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews. I have a father that loves me, and I love her, too. —Catrina, age 13

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When fathers are around they bring you safety, love, courage, happiness, and warmth. A father’s love is strong and you can always go to him for a shoulder to cry on. For those who don’t have a father, look up to the Lord your Heavenly Father and he will be there. —Sasha, age 13

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Dads are the ones who help you out when you are in need of someone. Dads are there to pick you up when you fall and tell you “It’s OK,” “I’m here for you,” and “I believe in you.” They teach you the right way to be respectful. They put food on the table. They provide the family with what they need to stay safe and happy together in one house.

My dad helped me a lot until about three years ago. Then he just left. . . . It didn’t make sense to me. . . . But I forgive him. I don’t know where he is, but I hope he is happy and he finds what he is looking for. —Chris, age 14

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My father is a friend. He stays up late with me the night before I have my finals in civics. I talk to him late at night about my boy problems when I get up to eat a bowl of Fruit Loops. He ran up and congratulated me even when I lost my last softball game of the season. He still took me and my whole team out to dinner that night and, later, carried me inside to put me to bed because I fell asleep on the car ride home. —Courtney, age 14

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I have wished my whole life that I had a daddy that really loved me. That has been one of my lifelong hopes and dreams. Someday this will happen and it will make me happy. I will jump with joy and excitement. Until then I will keep faith. Real fathers are out there. —Amy, age 13

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Unforgotten Again

by Dustin, age 16

Pull the torch off the
wall and throw your lies.

For this is a nothing threat
I pretend to be something

Light my way with
Deception and torture

I’ll ever, as always, wait for never

Lay down your fire, let me
Know I’m covered,

For what’s truly important is a blinded eye

Dredge through water on
A crystal covered storm

It’s the only time to move,
Ceasing forward

Can’t help now, but to
Peer around, I think I
Might jump

I don’t see how far the water runs
among the streets

Let the current pull me out,
Flow through me.

Pull the terminal out the
wall, force me wattage

Go, I wait and wonder, ponder
your stray

Not to know what but forgotten
To run uphill, back at the edge

Memories lost for-never staying.

Dustin received $15 for having his poem published.

 

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