Vol. 17, No. 1 • November 2012

Released But Not Reunited
Getting my son home has been more stressful than I imagined.

by Chrystal Reddick

My beautiful 4-year-old son was removed from my care when I was arrested. I was so devastated. It was 42 days until I saw him again.

For the first few days, I wasn't able to make any calls and I didn't know anything about where Brandan was or how he was doing. That drove me crazy.

I could only think, "My child has only been with my mom, my daughter, and me in his entire life. Who has him now? Is he eating? Is he sleeping? Is he being abused? Will he forget me?" I was especially concerned because Brandan has Down's Syndrome and requires special care.

How Could I Prove Myself?
I did not know my rights or responsibilities at all. I knew I needed help because I saw what direction my case could go in. I had a long history of drug abuse and a criminal record related to my addiction. My daughter, who is now 20, lived with my mother for most of her life. Plus, I'd been investigated for neglect not long before my arrest. That case was closed, but I knew it wouldn't look good.

All the judge and lawyers knew about me was what they read on a piece of paper. I could just imagine the attorneys laughing among themselves about my criminal record. How could I make them see that I was a woman with a child she loved more than life?

Fortunately, Rikers Island has a program called WINGS that gives parents information about their rights. Staff from the ACS Office of Advocacy also came in to explain how to get visits with children in foster care through the Children of Incarcerated Parents Program (CHIPP). Like me, the average person might think that once they are arrested, they no longer have the right to see their child or to have a say in any decisions made regarding the child. This is so not true! A parent has rights even within the prison walls.

Even so, it was almost impossible for me to advocate for my son while I was in jail. No one at his foster care agency accepted collect calls and the officers didn't care that 2 p.m. was the only time to reach his social worker. There were so many doors shut in my face that discouraged me.

Back in Touch
Finally I began to see my son once every two weeks through CHIPP. My visits with Brandan were great. They gave me the strength to keep fighting. At 5 years old, Brandan is a bright-eyed, handsome young boy. He's affectionate and inquisitive. He's delayed in speech and gross motor skills--he's just getting potty trained now, for example. He says only a few words. But I understand what he wants and needs.

At our visits, I played with Brandan and read to him. In between visits I missed Brandan so much.

Luckily, I had a reasonable judge. I wrote to him constantly from jail. I reasoned with him about giving me another chance. In my letters I tried to spark his interest in my kids' wellbeing and my situation as a single parent. He took interest in my kids and asked me to bring pictures. Instead of giving me the maximum time in jail, he sentenced me to three years of probation. I am truly thankful for that.

'Mommy's Coming Home!'
The day I was told to pack my things, I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Brandan! Mommy's coming home!" Nothing was going through my head but "When am I gonna see my son?" A few days after my release, I met with my attorney and the caseworker. We went over the service plan and my visitation schedule. I started off with one visit a week. I was grateful for that.

I had to complete a parenting class for children with special needs, a CPR class, and random drug testing. I also started taking anger management classes on my own.

I knew I had some work to do. I immediately began looking for a job and hit the law library to educate myself. I also reached out to a support program called the Women's Prison Association (WPA) and my attorney and stayed on the internet, learning about what I would need to do.

Consistent, not Aggressive
Still, I never thought the process of getting Brandan home would be this emotional and stressful.

Foster care agencies are supposed to assist you with the process of reunification. But they don't always do that, or do it well. The caseworker assigned to my case has only worked at the agency for a year. I have a problem with that. She has so much power over what happens to my son and me, but she doesn't know as much about the system as she should. It's frustrating watching her make mistakes with my case while I suffer.

I've learned that a person who really wants her child back must be consistent and polite with the important players in their case. They can use everything against you. They can cancel your visits and give bad reports to the judge.

Looking back, I was so very aggressive when I met the caseworker. She wouldn't talk to me, she never smiled or asked me questions. That bothered me. By the time I was released from Rikers, I had a reputation at the agency of being angry and rude. Every time I met with the workers, there was tension in their voices.

My lawyer also thought I came on too strong. I called my attorney with questions on a daily basis. Even though I was told to sit back and let her fight the case, I was not satisfied with that.

Baby Steps
It's been four months now since I was released. I have completed my service plan in full, submitting at least nine clean drug tests. I don't understand why Brandan is still in the system.

It will be a year that he's been in care by the time I see the judge next, and that court date is not about ending the case, just extending my visits. I feel that, after a year, we should have progressed way further than this. My attorney says we have to take baby steps.

This last month I've been feeling more positive because I've moved to a program run by WPA called Sarah Huntington House, which helps formerly incarcerated mothers reunite with children in the system. I think this will help me get through to the agencies that are making this process so very difficult. I feel blessed.

I think about my son every day. I see those yellow buses pass my house. I wonder if Brandan's bus driver is driving safely. It's a bit much to have your child taken away. I'll never give up. I see the big picture: I'll be reuniting with my son one day soon.

Reprinted with permission from Rise, a magazine written by and for parents affected by the child welfare system:
www.risemagazine.org

~ Family and Children's Resource Program, UNC-CH School of Social Work ~