Vol. 17, No. 2 • May 2013
How I know when someone cares about my well-being?
In the last issue we asked young people in foster care “How do you know when someone cares about your well-being? What does it look like? What does it feel like?” Here’s what they had to say.
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First Place
by Dee'Cember, age 16
I know when someone cares about my well-being, when my caregiver makes sure that I am safe. They are considerate towards my thoughts and feelings, they make sure my needs are met, and maybe every now and then my wants.
They keep me healthy, help me when I'm in a time of need, and respect me and my boundaries.
A person that cares about my well-being will do this: they check up on me in school to make sure I'm okay. When I'm in a crisis or when things seem to go wrong in my life, they are there to help me process and get through those tough times. When I need some advice and I'm struggling to fix a problem, they are there to give me advice. Also, when I've been hurt and troubled, they are there to love me, support me. They accept me for who I am.
They won't judge me for what has happened to me. . . .
It has been extremely hard for me to trust people that come into my life. When someone tries to show me that they care about my well-being, sometimes it is hard to believe that they really care about me.
But once I find that trust with them, it makes it easier for me to accept that they care about me. This makes me feel like nothing could ever break that bond that we have with each other.
I feel loved, accepted, cared about. I don't feel like I'm invisible anymore. I feel like I'm an important part of someone's life and I don't feel as though I'm an outcast. It's great to have someone in your life that cares about you.
Dee'Cember’s essay won first prize, for which she was awarded $100.
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Second Place
by Sasha, age 17
They will go out of their way for you and do what's best for you, or even sometimes do what you want to do. . . .
The person will push you to do better, even when you're about to give up. And the feeling is amazing.
It might not feel like it when they're pushing you to do better, and you want to give up, but in the long run, it's going to feel great!
You seem to always want to be around someone that cares for you. Around them you can always be yourself, and they won't care. The greatest two people like that are my parents. They have a never-ending love for me. And it feels great!
Sasha’s essay won second prize, for which she was awarded $50.
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Third Place
Nick, age 13
When someone cares about your well-being they don't just keep you in their home. They gladly keep you in their home.
They show you love and care for you. They teach you good manners, life skills, values, and things you will use all your life.
They don't just act like you're some dirty secret. They actually introduce you to their friends and they become your friends, too.
When someone cares about your well-being it feels like you're wanted and loved. It looks like a good family.
Nick’s essay won third prize, for which he was awarded $25.
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Honorable Mention
by JoshFrom my personal experience, coming from an abusive biological family, multiple foster homes, to my now adoptive family, I believe I can shed light on knowing when someone cares about your well-being.
You know when someone cares about your well-being when they put you before themselves. They put their own issues aside in order to help you get through the tough times no matter what. They are there for you when you are down in the dumps and always able to pull you out. It looks like a relationship filled with compassion and understanding.
When someone cares about your well-being, it feels like a bond that cannot be broken no matter what tries to get between it.
Josh was awarded $15 for having his work published in Fostering Perspectives.
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The young people below all received $15 for having their work published in
Fostering Perspectives.
The Accident
by Miranda, age 14It was a good day to ride my new bike. Before I could ride I had to let my mom check the bike so when I ride it I'm safe. So it took like 20 minutes and then she gave me the bike.
I was so happy!
I was going as fast as I can. Then all of a sudden my cat jumped in front of my bike. I did not want to hit my cat, so I was trying to use my breaks, but they were not working.
All of a sudden I flew across, hit the light pole, and then flipped and hit my neck. I was so scared!
My sister runs and gets my mom. She comes running out and tells me not to move.
My mom goes in the house and calls 911. I'm right in the middle of the road and I can hear the ambulance. They parked right by my mailbox. They carefully put me on the stretcher and rushed me to the hospital to the x-ray room. They moved my neck left and right and brought me back to my room.
My mom was there. The doctors told me I had a fracture and that I was lucky it was not a break. I was so relieved. I had to wear a neck brace for 7 weeks.
No matter what happens to me, my mom will help me and do her job to take me to the hospital or the family doctor. Plus, when I go to my doctor they tell me I'm good and healthy. . . . It makes me feel good.
Adoption and My Well-Being
by JazmynWhat I think it feels like to have someone truly love and care about your well-being is when some person you don't know at all flies halfway across the country just to come visit you. Even though you don't know this person, this person knows who you really are and really thinks you are special.
When you finally get to see this wonderful lady, you look into her eyes and you think: she's the one! For the next week, you stay at a hotel in the middle of your home town and do a lot of crazy-fun stuff you never got to do before, and you are happier than you've been in a long, long time. But the end of the week is coming near.
When it's finally time for her to go, you hug her goodbye. But inside you don't want her to leave. And you know she doesn't want to leave, either.
She gives you a necklace, her phone number, and her green sweater. Then she gives you a big, long hug and takes your picture.
For the next few weeks you have long talks on the phone with this lady, and you think about what she had said: "If you ever need me, just call." And I did.
She came back around Thanksgiving to pick me up to come meet her family. I rode in an airplane for the very first time. We then drove from Florida through North Carolina and then to Ohio, where her family lived. We were going to stay at her sister's house. It was huge. She invited the whole family and they were all there to meet me!!! I loved being the center of attention. After that she took me home to Idaho. I wanted to stay with her forever!
When she took me back [to North Carolina], I hugged her goodbye with tears in my eyes. I didn't want to lose the relationship she had made with me.
Two weeks later, a little bit before Christmas 2005, she came to come get me again, but this time, I was with her to stay! She took me home with her and took good care of me. In 2006, I was adopted by this very same lady.
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When someone cares about
my well-being . . .They care. It's not just saying, "It's gonna be OK" or a simple hug. It's "We're walking this road together--hand in hand, worries behind us, future in front!"
—Christina, age 12===
They teach me the things I should know. They teach me good habits. They check to see if my environment is safe for me. They also want me to have a bright future. . . . My foster parents care so much for me that they spend quality time with me. . . . They care about making me a part of the family. . . . It feels like a home.
-- Esmeralda, age 13===
They take care of me. Like my mom does--she feeds me and makes sure that I am doing well in school and paying attention. She also makes sure I am clean and healthy. She cares about me and she never gives up on me.
When someone cares about your well-being you might notice that they ask you about your day. They make sure you have everything you need to have a successful life and future.
To have a person care about your well-being is a wonderful feeling. Sometimes it might feel as if they are being too hard on you, but they only want the best for you. Just give a person a chance to prove that they care about you. It might take a while, but if they really love you they will come around. --Taylor, age 13
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They listen to me when I am upset. They understand how I feel. They protect me when I am scared. . . .
They praise me when I do the right thing or make a good grade. They encourage me when I feel like giving up! They show me positive reinforcement. They are really good role models for me. [I am in a place] where I will not get hurt . . . .
My DSS worker is trying to find me a forever family that I like and where I can be adopted! -- Haley, age 14
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My foster parents are the most loving people I know. They love me and they will always love me. They have a forgiving heart, just like Jesus. . . .
My foster parents have horses. They have three horses, cats, dogs, chickens, and a mule. It is like living on a farm. I love it. --Dalton
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I know my foster parents care about me because when I am down they have ask me what’s wrong. They have always understood how I felt and what it looks like to be taken from your parents. Also, they buy stuff that we need and have a home to live in so I can be safe. You know what it feels like to be cared for when you are loved. --Ashton
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A chance to see my mom every month doesn't satisfy my lack of going home. I would like things the other way around. I also feel that a foster home has helped...me to maintain happiness and overcome problems. It has helped me know there is comfort. --Alanna, age 9
Fostering Perspectives' Next Writing Contest
First Prize: $100 • Second Prize: $50 • Third Prize: $25
If you are under 18 and are or have been in foster care, please send us a letter or short essay in response to the following:
Some children in foster care take medicines to help them manage difficult behaviors or feelings. How might this help kids? How might it cause problems for them?
Deadline: August 6, 2013
Anyone under 21 who is or has been in foster care or a group home can enter. E-mail your submission to [email protected] or send it via U.S. Mail your entry to:
John McMahon, Editor
Fostering Perspectives
Jordan Institute for Families
CB#3550
UNC-CH School of Social Work
Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3550Include your name, age, address, social security number (used to process awards only, your confidentiality will be protected) and phone number. In addition to receiving the awards specified above, winners will have their work published in the next issue of Fostering Perspectives. Runners-up may also have their work published, for which they will also receive a cash award.
We’re Also Seeking Artwork and Other Writing from Children and Teens in Foster Care
Submissions can be on any theme. Submission requirements described above apply. If sent via U.S. Mail, artwork should be mailed flat (unfolded) on white, unlined paper.
