{"id":2223,"date":"2022-10-13T19:39:21","date_gmt":"2022-10-13T19:39:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/?p=2223"},"modified":"2023-05-30T17:50:00","modified_gmt":"2023-05-30T17:50:00","slug":"resource-parents-promote-healing-and-resilience-by-supporting-sibling-connections","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/?p=2223","title":{"rendered":"Resource Parents Promote Healing and Resilience by Supporting Sibling Connections"},"content":{"rendered":"

by John McMahon<\/p>\n

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In her 17 years as a foster parent, Kathy Willis has learned a lot. One of the most important lessons? Being in foster care is not easy.<\/p>\n

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\u201cChildren come into care due to trauma,\u201d Willis says, referring to the abuse and neglect that typically precede foster care placement. \u201cThen by placing them in care, we\u2019re yanking them out of everything they know. Placement is almost an additional trauma to these children.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is why Willis is passionate about maintaining and honoring connections between siblings in foster care. \u201cKeeping brothers and sisters together is so important,\u201d she says. \u201cChildren gain a support system by being together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Research supports this idea. Studies show that when placed together with at least one of their siblings, children experience an enhanced sense of safety and fewer emotional and behavioral problems.<\/p>\n

They may also experience better outcomes. For instance, studies have linked joint placement of siblings to increased placement stability and to greater likelihood of permanency through reunification, adoption, or guardianship.<\/p>\n

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Kathy Willis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In fact, keeping siblings connected makes such a difference it is required by law. The federal Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 (P.L. 110-351) mandates agencies make reasonable efforts to place siblings together unless it is contrary to a child\u2019s safety or well-being to do so. And North Carolina\u2019s Foster Care Children\u2019s Bill of Rights (G.S. 131D-10.1) states that for children and youth in foster care the first priority should be placement in a home with a sibling and that they should have access to \u201cappropriate communication measures\u201d to maintain contact with any sibling who does not live with them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Connected While Living Apart<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Back in 2019, Kathy Willis started caring for half a sibling group that had been split up: two brothers were in her care and two more brothers were in a different foster home. From the outset, Willis made sure the two sets of siblings visited each other frequently. She also tried to bring the boys together every way she could, including by providing respite for the other foster family so all four boys could be together.\u00a0 This situation altered earlier this year when the parents of the other brothers retired from fostering. Kathy Willis saw this change as an opportunity.\u00a0 Today Ms. Willis is parenting three of the brothers. The oldest, age 18, is enrolled in North Carolina\u2019s Foster Care 18-21 program and lives in another placement.<\/p>\n

According to Willis, the initial adjustment to this new arrangement wasn\u2019t easy for everyone\u2014 especially the 18-year-old. \u201cAt first he felt like he was all alone,\u201d she says. \u201cBut then we started having day visits and weekend visits. He needed to feel that connection.\u201d\u00a0 Things have settled down, Willis says. \u201cHe knows he is not alone and is being very successful right now.\u201d He\u2019s working with his foster father and has earned several promotions on the job.<\/p>\n

Thriving Together<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

As for the three boys in her care, Ms. Willis says things are going very well. \u201cWe model for them what a healthy family looks like. We provide the tools they need to begin to heal.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cWe actually have cards we work with that allow the children to talk about things like, How are you dealing with grief? or How do you deal with stressors?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd because they feel secure with their siblings, they\u2019re able to open up. One will share something and the others will say, \u2018Oh, my gosh, don\u2019t think about it that way! You need to think about it this way.\u2019 There\u2019s so much processing that goes on! They\u2019re so much healthier because they\u2019re together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Staying Motivated<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

Kathy Willis says exchanges like these and other small daily successes help keep her motivated and focused on maintaining and honoring sibling connections.<\/p>\n

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\u201c<\/em>Sibling relationships provide continuity of important attachments for the children we serve. Those attachments help us move towards healthy relationships. And isn\u2019t that our goal? We provide children the best tools so they can make healthy decisions to help heal and ultimately to become resilient. And resiliency is something we all need.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Ways Agencies Can Support Sibling Placements<\/h5>\n
  • Siblings should have the same worker, if possible.<\/li>\n
  • Place children in homes as geographically near to each other as possible.<\/li>\n
  • When a family is recruited to foster sibling groups, don\u2019t fill up the home with individual children just because the beds are there. Some programs provide a stipend for families without placements, as an incentive to remain with the agency and keep beds open until a sibling group needs placement.<\/li>\n
  • Siblings can be placed in stages, so the foster home is not overwhelmed and each child can integrate into the family.<\/li>\n
  • Provide extra supports to help the family deal with logistics\u2014transportation, assistance with tasks such as school registration, day care, etc.<\/li>\n
  • Make services such as training and respite care available and accessible.<\/li>\n
  • Encourage\/start support groups in which resource families can share and learn from one another. Families who have adopted sibling groups have the capacity to act as mentors, support networks, and recruiters.<\/li>\n
  • Make sure resource families, especially kin, receive all the financial support to which they are entitled.<\/li>\n
  • Ask community members and businesses to help support resource families by donating or providing at a lower cost items such as vans, bunk beds, etc.<\/li>\n
  • If siblings must be placed separately, maintain the sibling relationship through joint therapy sessions, shared vacations, shared respite care, and by placing siblings in the same neighborhood or school district.<\/li><\/ul>\n\nReprinted from Fostering Perspectives, v. 14, no. 1 (Nov. 2009)<\/pre>\n\n\n
    \"\"Marti, age 16 <\/strong><\/p>\n
    My siblings mean the world to me because we were there for each other through all the ups and downs that we experienced with our birth mom. They are the only ones who understand me. I was the mom most of the time because I am the oldest and they would always tell me what was on their mind. I miss growing up with them.\u00a0 I wish on a star every night to see them again soon. It never comes true. There are four of us. We haven\u2019t been a major part of each other\u2019s lives for eight years now. They have a different dad than I do and he don\u2019t see how much I care about them. Honestly, I don\u2019t think he cares. The most important thing is that they are happy and have what they need. My brothers and sister mean everything to me and I would do anything in my power for them. I want them to know that I love them with all my heart. I will see them again one day soon\u2014I promise.<\/p>\n
    Reprinted from Fostering Perspectives, v. 14, no. 1 (Nov. 2009)<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
    by John McMahon In her 17 years as a foster parent, Kathy Willis has learned a lot. One of the most important lessons? Being in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2361,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,17,1],"tags":[712,1679,1636,883,1640],"series":[1656],"class_list":["post-2223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-honoring-family-connections","category-promoting-permanency","category-uncategorized","tag-connections","tag-foster-care-childrens-bill-of-rights","tag-lived-experience","tag-siblings","tag-strategies","series-november-2022"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2223","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2223"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2223\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2361"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2223"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2223"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2223"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fseries&post=2223"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}