{"id":2238,"date":"2022-10-18T14:07:25","date_gmt":"2022-10-18T14:07:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/?p=2238"},"modified":"2023-05-30T17:49:00","modified_gmt":"2023-05-30T17:49:00","slug":"cindy-hamilton-asks-who-wouldnt-want-a-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/?p=2238","title":{"rendered":"Cindy Hamilton Asks, “Who Wouldn’t Want a Family?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It\u2019s clear where Cindy Hamilton stands when it comes to permanency for young people in foster care.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing raised in a family is not a privilege,\u201d Hamilton says. \u201cIt\u2019s an absolute human right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am a strong believer that every child deserves a permanent family through safe family reunification, adoption, or guardianship. I also strongly advocate that children have the right to be raised by their family if it is safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hamilton\u2019s beliefs are based on experience. She has been a social worker serving youth and families involved in the criminal justice and foster care system for more than 30 years. She is also a licensed clinical therapist, trainer, and foster and adoptive parent.<\/p>\n

Thanks to these credentials, Hamilton is often invited to help set the stage when North Carolina counties join our state\u2019s Permanency Roundtable Program. Sponsored by the NC Division of Social Services, this program seeks to achieve permanency for youth in foster care by convening stakeholders to address a youth\u2019s immediate, critical need for permanency as they approach the age of 18.<\/p>\n

Hamilton helps counties kick off their round- table programs with a presentation on what she calls \u201cpermanency values.\u201d<\/p>\n

Members of the NC Division of Social Services\u2019 Permanency Design Team found Hamilton\u2019s message so profound they asked to have it shared with Fostering Perspectives readers. What follows was drawn from one of Hamilton\u2019s recent permanency values presentations.<\/p>\n

Permanence Is Not a Place<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

What is permanence? It\u2019s not a place. Permanency is a state of mind, not a placement. Permanence is having the feeling that you are connected. It\u2019s knowing there is someone who will answer your collect phone call in the middle of the night or miss you when you don\u2019t show up to a family gathering.<\/p>\n

The feeling of connectedness and the feeling of being part of a family is not a part of policy. There are so many kids who have been in a foster home for five years and every time a worker asks how their placement is going, they say, \u201cIt\u2019s fine, I\u2019m good staying here.\u201d But what those young people don\u2019t say is, every day they live on eggshells. Every day they wonder, \u201cIs today the day I won\u2019t be perfect enough and they\u2019ll decide it\u2019s time for me to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s about Relationships<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

Human relationships are what our young people need. So when you\u2019re thinking about the young people that you\u2019re caring for, just remember that if everybody that is loving and caring for them is paid, that\u2019s not the best way. Because the money goes away sometimes. And I\u2019m not saying we\u2019re in it for the money. I hope you understand that. But imagine feeling like you had not one person that was choosing to be a part of your life.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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We Must Believe Permanence Is Possible<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

The number one difference between children in foster care who find a permanent family and those who don\u2019t is the worker\u2019s attitude about permanency. The worker needs to believe that the child deserves a family, and that permanency is possible for them.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t make any difference who the governor is. It doesn\u2019t make any difference who the president is. It doesn\u2019t make any difference where your office is. What matters is the worker has to believe and be willing to do whatever it takes to find kids family.<\/p>\n

I challenge us as foster parents to recognize that we can\u2019t be THE person for every kid. We have to recognize that if we can\u2019t be the person for a child, our job is to help them find that person.<\/p>\n

Be Willing to Challenge Your Assumptions<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

If we know how to engage others and be empathetic and yet at the same time not judge, we stand a way better chance of this young person getting the family that they need.<\/p>\n

I really encourage you to challenge the things that we believe about birth families. I think we tend to have a higher standard than we would for other people or even for ourselves. It\u2019s like we feel we have to have them earn their kids back. When in reality, they\u2019re going to love them long after we close our files.<\/p>\n

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Families aren\u2019t going to be perfect. Yours isn\u2019t and mine isn\u2019t. And yet I think we oftentimes expect people\u2014other people\u2014to be perfect.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Birth parents often have had their own trauma. They\u2019ve maybe been raised in foster care. They\u2019ve maybe been physically, emotionally, sexually abused. And they\u2019re coming with their trauma and now we\u2019re adding on to it by their kids coming into care. People sometimes need a break. People sometimes need the opportunity to have things \u201cgood enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

You know, there are lots and lots of us that were raised maybe with a parent that drank too much, or there was domestic violence, or the house wasn\u2019t always clean. There\u2019s probably a lot of us raised where our moms didn\u2019t work or our dads didn\u2019t work. And nobody moved us to foster care because of it. But once you get caught in this system, your life is under a magnifying glass. And it\u2019s really, really difficult to get everything right.<\/p>\n

Kids Know What You Think<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n

I think of foster parents as full-time caseworkers because you have these young people most of the time. So the way that you interact with them or the way that you interact with their parents or talk about their parents or their worker or their GAL or any of their people\u2014it matters.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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You might think you\u2019re saying all the right things about the birth parent. But if you\u2019re thinking something different your face will show it. And that\u2019s what they\u2019re going to remember. Way more is caught from parents, than is taught. I tell you this because I learned it the hard way.<\/p>\n

This is Your Big Chance<\/strong><\/span><\/h6>\n
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As resource parents, we have these kids for a relatively short time. We have a responsibility to create the very best foundation they can have. If that\u2019s what our intentions are and if that\u2019s what we\u2019re willing to do, we\u2019ve got to do that. Even if its uncomfortable. I push you to be advocates for kids and to always speak your truth. It\u2019s really not about us. The thing that\u2019s going to make a difference in finding family for young people is how we are able to engage others\u2014especially their families.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Want more? Visit https:\/\/bit.ly\/3L0zhQ2<\/a> to watch a full 2-hour presentation of Cindy Hamilton\u2019s \u201cPermanency Values Training: Who Wouldn\u2019t Want a Family?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
Permanency Roundtables<\/strong>\n\nPermanency Roundtables are intensive, structured case consultations focused on bringing creativity and urgency to expediting permanency for children in care. North Carolina\u2019s Permanency Roundtable Program seeks to achieve permanency for youth in foster care by addressing the youth\u2019s immediate, critical need for permanency as they approach the age of 18. Achieving permanency through reunification, adoption, guardianship, or another lifelong supportive relationship is one way to mitigate the negative outcomes that are probable for youth who would otherwise \u201cage out\u201d without permanent families or positive connections. Roundtables help restore hope for these youth and increase the probability of their achieving permanency, even under difficult circumstances.\n\nPermanency Roundtables are occurring in several North Carolina counties with support from Cindy Hamilton of Linear Consulting, LLC. County DSS agencies who would like to schedule a meeting with Ms. Hamilton to learn more about her \u201cPermanency Values Training\u201d for DSS staff, stakeholders, and partners in their county should submit requests to nc.kids@dhhs.nc.gov<\/a> or reach out to their NC Kids Consultant.<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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