{"id":49,"date":"2016-06-21T17:43:59","date_gmt":"2016-06-21T17:43:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fptemp.wpengine.com\/?p=49"},"modified":"2016-06-27T20:42:14","modified_gmt":"2016-06-27T20:42:14","slug":"self-care-for-relative-caregivers-one-familys-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fosteringperspectives.org\/?p=49","title":{"rendered":"Self-care for Relative Caregivers: One Family\u2019s Story<\/br>by Tonia Jacobs Deese"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you are caring for a loved one\u2019s child due to abuse or neglect, our child welfare system relies on you. One in four children in foster care in North Carolina are in \u201ckinship placements,\u201d which typically means a county department of social services has legal custody of the child, but the child lives with a relative (Duncan, 2014).<\/p>\n

Benefits and Challenges<\/p>\n

\u201cKinship care helps children maintain familial and community bonds and provides them with a sense of stability, identity, and belonging, especially during times of crisis. Kinship care also helps to minimize the trauma and loss that accompany parental separation\u201d (Annie Casey Foundation, 2012).<\/p>\n

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A lot of times I neglect myself because I know my priority is the kids. The girls push me to do things to take care of myself.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

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We know kids often do better when they\u2019re with family. Research tells us that children in kinship placements have:<\/p>\n

Fewer behavioral problems<\/p>\n

Lower rates of mental illness<\/p>\n

Better overall well-being<\/p>\n

Fewer placements and placement disruptions (Jordan Institute, 2014).<\/p>\n

We also know that kinship care has some unique challenges. Kinship caregivers tend to receive fewer services, less financial support, and less training. Relatives often must take in a child with little time to prepare, and the change in roles can cause conflict between the birth parents and kinship providers (Crumbley, 2015).<\/p>\n

Still kinship care is a valuable option for families. To learn more, we spoke with \u201cMs. Maxwell,\u201d a North Carolinian who has custody of her two adolescent grandkids, \u201cKera\u201d and \u201cAudrianna.\u201d (Note: all names used in this article have been changed<\/em>)<\/p>\n

A Conversation with Ms. Maxwell<\/p>\n

What made you decide to take in Kera and Audrianna?<\/p>\n

Their mom has bipolar and personality disorder and has been hospitalized seven times, sometimes for a month or more. I was called to the ER and told the kids would have to go with me or into a foster home. The kids had to go into a foster home for a weekend and that really bothered me. I didn\u2019t ever want to see them go back to a foster home.<\/p>\n

What has it been like caring for the girls?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a joy to know they\u2019re here and happy. Kera has been asking for love and wants to know somebody loves her. They\u2019ve been put down and picked on. They\u2019ve had trauma. It\u2019s been trying at times, especially with two teenagers, but therapy has really helped. It teaches them how to handle stress, their thoughts, and their attitudes. I really believe in therapy. Anytime a child is taken out of their home, it\u2019s hard on them and they need therapy.<\/p>\n

What are the benefits of caring for the girls?<\/p>\n

Knowing that they are happy. I think I give them a sense of hope. I constantly tell them they can do what they put their minds to.<\/p>\n

What are the biggest challenges?<\/p>\n

Getting them into a routine: having chores, introducing them to discipline and consequences. Dealing with their attitude. The kids weren\u2019t used to being disciplined by their mother. They really miss their mom.<\/p>\n

What kind of impact has caring for them had on you?<\/p>\n

A lot of times I neglect myself because I know my priority is the kids. The girls push me to do things to take care of myself.<\/p>\n

My relationship with my daughter (their mother) is getting better. We were estranged for a while. At first I really felt it was my fault that she was in her situation. I had to come to the conclusion that I wasn\u2019t the one who made her do the things she did. I had to understand her mental illness. I think our relationship is better because she knows I\u2019m taking care of her kids.<\/p>\n

What kind of impact has this placement had on the girls?<\/p>\n

They now know that people are concerned about them and are doing things to help them. They\u2019ve always known me as grandma, but we are getting closer.<\/p>\n

What support have you received in caring for the children?<\/p>\n

I get Work First and Social Security Disability benefits, and the kids have Medicaid. A local private child-placing agency and Big Brothers Big Sisters have provided food for Thanksgiving, Christmas presents, clothes, and fun activities for the kids.<\/p>\n

Big Brothers Big Sisters just started a grandparent support team. We meet once a month and I really enjoy it. Sometimes it feels like you\u2019re the only one struggling to raise your grandkids. This group reminds me I\u2019m not alone. I\u2019ve gotten good ideas on what to do from other grandparents and from the kids\u2019 therapists. My DSS workers have been wonderful. I don\u2019t know how I would\u2019ve done it without support.<\/p>\n

Is there anything you\u2019d like to say to other kinship families?<\/p>\n

Keep in there. Hang tight. Keep your faith strong and the end result will be very beneficial and helpful. It will get tough sometimes, but it will be a pleasure knowing you had some role in helping the kids.<\/p>\n

Key Take-Away Messages<\/p>\n

Ms. Maxwell\u2019s story reminds all kinship caregivers that:<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have to do this alone.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re doing the best you can.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be surprised or ashamed if you feel angry, shocked, sad, or guilty about why the child is living with you. Whatever you\u2019re feeling\u2014it\u2019s okay and normal.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve added another member to your family, and that can make it tough to make ends meet. Check with your social worker to see if you qualify for Work First benefits, housing assistance, tax credits, child care assistance, or SNAP benefits (also known as \u201cfood stamps\u201d).<\/p>\n

Take care of yourself, too! Caring for someone else\u2019s child can be stressful. Self-care helps prevent burnout. Remember, for the child to be OK, you have to be OK.<\/p>\n

(Crumbley, 2008; Foster Care & Adoption Resource Center)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Resources for Kinship CaregiversAARP Grandparent Information Center<\/strong> has a resource guide and a quarterly newsletter for relative caregivers. Visit www.aarp.org\/grandparents or www.aarp.org\/nc.<\/p>\n

Family Caregiver Support Program<\/strong> offers counseling, support groups, training, respite care, and information about community services in 17 North Carolina counties. Visit www.ncdhhs.gov\/aging\/aaa.htm<\/p>\n

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and Kinship Support Group<\/strong>. Offered through the NC Cooperative Extension Program, this group provides a series of six classes for grandparents focusing on support, accessing resources, and helping the child. Call 919-515-2813 or visit www.ces.ncsu.edu<\/p>\n

Senior Resources of Guilford<\/strong> has lunch & learn groups once a month. Call Debra Stokes at 336- 373-4816 or email fgp@senior-resources-guilford.org<\/p>\n

Buncombe County<\/strong>: Bair Foundation operates a kinship program in Buncombe that includes support groups, a community garden, newsletter, and other assistance. Visit https:\/\/bit.ly\/1Bnds4y or call 877-213-0723 (toll-free)<\/p>\n

Catawba County <\/strong>has a kinship care support group, provides legal assistance, and helps families access resources. Call 828-465-8901 or visit at https:\/\/bit.ly\/1B0J8YJ<\/p>\n

Relatives as Parents Program<\/strong> offers education and support groups in a number of NC counties:<\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0 Alleghany, Ashe, Avery, Mitchell, Watauga, Wilkes, and Yancey Counties<\/u>: To learn more visit https:\/\/www.regiond.org\/ or call 866-219-3643 (ext. 128) (toll-free)<\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0 Forsyth County<\/u>: Email Susan Parker at parkerse@forsyth.cc or call 336-703-3744.<\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0 Other counties<\/u>: Contact Alicia Blater at 919-733-0440 or Dr. Luci Bearon at 919-515-9146 to see if there is a group in your county.<\/p>\n

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