Vol. 8, No. 1• November 2003
More Letters from Foster Care
The letters you find here were submitted in response to the writing contest in volume 7, number 2 of Fostering Perspectives, which asked the question: If you could write a letter to your birth parent, what would you say? Each of these children received $15 for having their letters published in the online version of the newsletter. In some cases the names of the children and others mentioned in their letters have been changed as a precaution.
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Trenese, age 14
Dear Mom,
How are you doing? Me, I'm doing fine. I have always wondered why you gave us up. I have been through a lot of hardships and rocky roads since you gave us up. I've been in mental hospitals. I've been going from home to home. I've been abused by some of the parents and kids in the homes I've been in. If you had not been doing drugs maybe you would still have us. Sometimes I feel mad. Sometimes I feel happy.
Now I am in a group home. I'm in the home because of my lying and stealing and being destructive and defiant. I hope I can work all of these problems out so that I can be in a permanent home. If I had three wishes they would be (1) to be home with you, (2) to have a family again, and (3) to just be happy.
Your daughter,
Trenese
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Antoinette, age 11
Dear Mom,
I am sad that we can't come home. I wish you would make Kevin leave so we could come home. I am not calling Kevin my daddy anymore. I hope at the next court date we get to come home. You said in that letter that you were sorry that you didn't make Kevin leave immediately. You should have made him leave back when you wrote that letter. I know you are a great mom and that you want us to come back, but in order for us to come back, you got to do what you got to do, which is to make Kevin leave. Mama, I could never really show you this letter because I would be scared you would be mad at me. I hope that at the next court date we go home, because you've got six months, and I think that's enough time for you to do the right thing. No matter what, I'll still love you.
Love,
Antoinette
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Jumekia, age 8
I will be praying for you to stop doing drugs. And, I hope you go to church and learn about Jesus. I also hope you find a boyfriend that is nice to you. And, I hope one day I get to talk to you. I didn't like when you left us home alone.
I am doing really good and I hope you are too. I have lived with the Smiths for about two years. I have a lot of friends. I hope you do too. I hope none of your friends hurt you. I have a really happy life with the Smiths.
I have to move because someone wants to adopt me. I feel terrible about moving because I want to stay with the Smiths. I will miss my friends when I move. After I move, I will probably call my friends every day. I am going to try to stay in touch with the Smiths and I may even come spend the night with them. The lady that wants to adopt me is nice but I still don't want to move.
I hope one day you have a happy life.
Love,
Jumekia
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Shalontria, age 14
Dear Mama,
I love you and I won't forget you. You will always be in my heart and no one will take your place. You don't have to worry about me and the girls, because we are all in safe homes.
I feel sad saying good-bye. You know how hard it is to say good-bye. Actually this is not good-bye, it's a "See Ya Later." When I get adopted, the adoptive parents will still let me see you.
Don't stop the way you're doing. You're working hard and doing good. Stay with God. Don't let us not coming home turn you around. I love you, and I will see you soon.
Love,
Your Daughter, Shalontria
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Yasmine, age 8
Dear Mama,
I love you. I miss you. I wish I could stay with you but I can't. When I'm grown up, maybe I can see you again. I will never forget you. I am happy with Brigitte and Phil. I am happy with you, too. I hope it is OK with you for me to love Brigitte and Phil. I wish I could go back to you.
Love,
Yasmine
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Kendra, age 15
Dear Mom,
Hi. It's Kendra. I miss you SO MUCH! I wish I could see you, Jason, and Cory again. It has been a long time since I have seen you. I might be a sophomore this coming year.
I forgive you and my brothers for everything. I know that you couldn't play "SuperMom" and be everywhere I was all the time. Sorry I was not the perfect child. I don't think I ever could be. I coulda tried. You were not the perfect mom. You won't ever be. No one will ever be. But still, you are MY MOM! No one will ever take your place. I won't let that happen.
I think about you often. I hope you think about me. I wish you knew who my dad is, you know? Life would be a lot easier if you stopped sleeping around with men!!! But that's not my fault, it's yours!!!!
Just wanted to tell you that I love you and wanted to tell you how pissed off I am at you. A few reasons are as follows:
- How you gave me up.
- Why you treated me the way you did.
- Why you stopped coming to see me.
- Why you were never there for me when I needed you the most.
- Why you acted like you cared for me when all you ever cared about was and still is MEN!
- Why you ended up playing with my emotions.
- Why you didn't keep up with your part of being my mother.
These are just a few things I thought I should tell you about. With the most sincerest love,
Kendra, Your only daughter forever
P.S. tell Corey and Jason I love them a lot
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Jasmine, age 13
Dear Mom,
. . . . I'm glad I have a foster mom that cares about me a whole lot now, but my heart still wishes you could have been different and been my mom forever until I die.
You didn't take good care of me and I got really messed up. I got in trouble all the time. I took my anger out on Grandma and Grandpa and everybody else. They could not handle me and I ended up going place to place. I hurt people and I didn't like it at all . . . . I have changed but not because of anything you did for me.
Today I live in a good family. I like playing basketball. I have a cool boyfriend and I am going on with my life. I wish you knew me, because I like who I am now. I'm letting go of you.
I hope you will think about me and make changes in your life. I hope we can maybe know each other when I'm older, but only if you stop drinking and taking drugs and grow up. I used to be afraid I would turn out bad like you but now I know I can choose my own life.
Yours truly,
Jasmine
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Danielle Marie, age 12
Dear Mae,
I have a new family. Her name is Ms. Jean. She is adopting me and Brandi. She is from the Bahamas. . . .I have a new name: Danielle Marie Williams. I passed end-of-grade tests, and I can go to the seventh grade. I have nice teachers. . . .
I remember when we used to stay with you, we didn't have much food. Me, Phoenicia, Brandi, and Quinton all had to share one bed together. We went to the mall sometimes. I remember when you bought us a swimming pool , and you tried to blow it up, and your face got all red, and then you went to the gas station to fill it up with air from the pump. When it was all filled up we were sitting in it and having fun and splashing. It was hot outside.
When you came to visit us at social services, I remember when you brought us Christmas presents. I remember when you got mad at me because I was living with this other lady, and I had got my hair cut. I was ignoring you. I felt good, because I didn't want all that hair. I didn't care that you were mad at me.
Why didn't you believe me when I said that my Uncle Thomas did that?
I am praying for you and everyone in my family.
Love,
Danielle Marie Williams
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Stephanie, age 11
Dear Mommy,
How have you been? I'm OK. I'm glad I got to talk to you on Mother's Day, even though you were busy at work when I called.
I've been in foster care since I was in the first grade, except for the time you got me back for part of the second grade. Now I am in the fourth grade, and I have been in five foster homes. . . .
I met Nana, my new foster mother, before I found out I was going to move. We met at McDonalds. My Aunt Becky took me to meet her. I liked her, but I didn't know I was going to move in with her. Later, after I moved, you called me, and I still couldn't tell you my feelings about being away from you.
Now I'm getting ready to leave Nana's to be adopted by Donna and Patrick. I feel all right about it. I feel sad to leave Nana, and I feel happy that I'm getting adopted. I want you to meet Donna and Patrick sometime. Mommy, are you sad about me being adopted?
Love,
Stephanie
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Parris, age 14
Dear Dad,
This is Parris and I have something to say: Even though they took us away from you, I still love you. If I asked you a question, would you tell me the truth? Do you know all the pain I went through? Why didn't you try harder when my mom was getting sick? I wish you would have helped her more throughout court instead of missing court dates. Do you wonder how it feels to go through foster homes? I have been in ten foster homes and three group homes since I was six, and now I'm 14. I was always wondering if you were looking for us. But now I realize I think it's OK to be in a foster home, because I can tell that the foster family I have now really loves me. You always lied to me, talking about how you tried to call DSS, when you never did. I tell you one thing: I'm happier living in my foster home. I can tell that the foster family I have now loves me even though it's still hard to be in foster care. But it's OK because I feel like all my searching came true and I have finally found a good foster home. But at the same time I still wish I lived with my family.
I love you.
Your daughter,
Parris
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April
Hi Amanda,
Nothing much here! Just trying to fulfill your wishes by writing you a letter. Gosh, if you only knew how I feel. If you were around my age—friend, sister, or whatever else—we would have already had it out. What kind of mother just ups and leaves her children? I know that Courtney and I were in foster care and Cameron was in a youth center, but you could at least have had the decency to say "Bye." All you had to do was pick up the phone and dial seven digits. I know you are capable of doing that because our good Father Who Art in Heaven has blessed you with ten working fingers and two working hands and arms. So you have no excuse!
. . . . I know you are probably saying to yourself, "I know where you are coming from," but you don't. I live a somewhat normal teenage life: you didn't. By the time you were my age you were already pregnant, married, and did drugs. You see, I don't do drugs and I'm certainly not pregnant, or married. You've got to understand that we have nothing in common, except we love the people around us. I can't help it if I'm hurting your feelings. You hurt me and I've got to let you know how I feel. It wouldn't be fair if I lived out my whole life without telling you how I feel. You've gotta see how this affected my life from my point of view. Well, I guess I better go.
Sincerely,
April
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Nikki
Dear Mom,
Hi, this is your daughter Nikki. How have you been? I have been doing very good. Wanted to tell you that I have been doing good. What is your name and how old are you? I am 11 years old and I said my name in the first sentence. I have a good family that loves me and is taking care of me and I have lived in a group home for four years. What are some of your hobbies? Mine are playing softball and basketball. We had our first game and won today. I'm not mad at you for giving me up, but why did you let them take me? Was it for my own good? I would like to meet you some day. Jessica said she met you and she is going to send me pictures of you. Well, bye—love you a lot.
Love, your daughter, Nikki
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Alicia
Dear Mom,
Hello, its me, your only daughter. I know you feel guilty for what happened. And I understand what you're going through. I mean, being without your children for so long. But that's O.K. I want you to know I love you. And that all of my life I've thought about you. If you had one more chance to redo what happened, what would you do different? We could've had a wonderful life. I know I was bad, but it was pure spirit. Just think about the good times we had. And store the good memories in the back of your heart and remember that I'll always be there for you. No matter what, I'm your daughter. Not even what you let happen will make me disown you. I'm too strong in God to forget about you.
You are in my prayers.Love always, Alicia
P.S. Write back
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Joshalyn, age 8
Dear Mom,
I love you very much. When I was there with you I used to get whuppins. Stayed dirty. Didn't go anywhere and stayed dirty. I had to go to the neighbor's house to get something to eat. I did not like it like that. I felt so unhealthy. I felt sad about that too, and mistreated. Now I really understand what you did and what you made a mistake on and I really do know why I'm in foster care. I know who did and who didn't take care of me like they were supposed to. I learned a lot of things in foster care, such as God, my behavior, say my prayers—real prayers. Control myself when I get angry. Not to do drugs and I just feel good about myself. Now I'm moving to my cousin's and I'm really happy about it because I'm with my family. Love you. Miss you.
Joshalyn
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Beth, age 19
Dear Father,
I have not known you throughout my life and I have deeply longed to know you and [to know] more about who you were. I long even to see a picture of how you look, so that I might see where I get many of the attributes that I have, such as the color of my hair and eyes. I feel as if a part of me is missing because you have been missing everything that has happened in my life. You have missed my first day of school, my first job, getting my license, my high school graduation, and many more things that have happened and will happen.
Though I feel that a part of you will always be watching over me and be there for me, you can never be here in the flesh. I love you though I have never known you. I have had many father figures in my life, none of which could ever take your place and fill the hole deep within me. I have learned to deal with the pain of losing you and still long to have you in my life every second of every day.
I often wonder how my life would have been different if you had not left so many years ago. Why did you leave? Why didn't you ever try to see me or your other children after you left? Didn't you think about how your children would feel growing up without their father? Didn't you ever try to find your children to see how we were doing?
I still have one memory of you, though. I may not remember what you look like but I remember how you sound and how tall you seemed to a three-year-old sitting on the floor looking up at her father. I have moved on with my life and I do have a great father figure in my life now, but I still miss you deeply.
Love Always,
Beth
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A.J., age 12
Dear Birthmom,
I am very sad that you gave me up. I wish I could've lived with you, but you were right to give me up because you knew that I had a lot of medical needs and that you were too young to have a baby. I was born very early and lived in the hospital for the first year of my life. All I know about you is that you were 15 and you lived with your grandparents. What do you look like? Did you want me to be born?
If you ever see my birth father, please tell him I want to see him. What does he look like?
I went to Holy Angels for a while, then the Vernon family adopted me. I have three little brothers (Nicholas, James, and Timothy), two older sisters (Bridgette and Christa), one big brother (Jeremy), and one brother-in-law (Chrisopher).
You will be glad because when I was six, in 1997, I invited Christ into my heart. I want you to know that God loves you and is not mad at you for what you did. He has been taking care of me and has called me to be a missionary to China.
Your Birthson,
A.J. Vernon
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Marcus, age 15
Dear Ma,
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for all the problems I've caused. What I mean is by all the arguing, cursing, and attitudes. It's just that I'm growing up as an only male and it's hard. I'm going to explain to you why I'm sorry and why I did the things I did.
First of all, the arguing and the yelling. The only reason why I argued with you is because some of the things that you were saying I had to argue you down about, and make things clear about the situation. Like sometimes I'll try to hold everything in and not say anything, but I couldn't because it would hurt my heart real bad. Now the arguing is cooling down finally.
Secondly, the cursing. I'm going to explain it to you the best way I can. It's like another person inside of me, and when you make me mad that person takes control. And when that person is in control and when he takes control he can't find any other words to use, so he uses profanity. When he uses profanity it hurts me because I can't stop that person. So don't make me mad unless you want to be called a harsh name.
Last but not least, my attitude. My attitude goes with the cursing of course, meaning that if you make me mad you're going to get attitude back. Again the feedback you get from me I can't control either, and it hurts me. Sometimes I get mad because I think about the house, meaning the house makes me sick.
What I'm saying is sorry for everything, even some stuff I didn't add. I thought you would understand why these things were happening. I see you didn't, but it's OK now, because I'm getting there now by myself. So things are going to get and feel better for me.
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Amanda, age 11
This is only my feelings and I want to express them.
I don't want my mom and dad to be sad, but I want them to be happy for me. I want them to be glad that I am in a wonderful family with one sister and two brothers. It was sort of boring with my birth parents because I didn't have any brothers and sisters.
I want to stay with the family I am with because I love everyone in this family. I'm sorry for my feelings, but this is how I feel. I'm sorry, but I think it would be best for me to stay with the family I'm with.
Being in foster care and going to different homes has helped me to understand and feel how other children in foster care feel.
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Keisha, age 15
Dear Mom,
How much did you love me? Did you love me enough to give me up? I want you to know that sometimes when I think about you giving me up, it makes me really sad and mad. If you could, would you try to get me back if you had another chance? Do you ever think about me? If you could, is there anything you would change about your life? I wish I could still be with you but I know it will never happen. But, I will never stop loving you. And, I'm not mad at you because you did it in my best interests. I want you to know that you have caused me a lot of pain and sorrow, but through it all, I still love you . . . .
Sincerely, Keisha
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Laitsha, age 6
To Mama:
I love you very much. I will love you when I'm gone. I love my sisters.
From Laitsha
Copyright � 2003 Jordan Institute for Families
