Vol. 8, No. 1• November 2003

Respite

by Meg Youravish

Respite was a word I knew nothing about in my beginning years of foster and adoptive parenting. I had heard the word but never cared to understand it, since it seemed to have something to do with “time for me” and “someone else watching my children.” I thought that no one could handle my children except for me. After all, they are special needs children. I was their parent, friend, counselor, and caretaker. What a wonderful thought.

When I was finally exhausted, emotionally drained, and dreaming of monster poopie diapers and children throwing rages and tantrums running down a long, long, narrow hallway after me yelling “Mommie, Mommie, more!” and found myself waking up with sweat pounding on my forehead, I decided to learn more about “Respite.”

Now, nine years (with seven years of using respite) later, I have had a chance to look forward and make plans for the future. Our respite needs vary; it could be once a week, once a month, and/or a big one once a year. I used to feel guilty about using respite until I realized my children are much different with other people. I came to realize they need a respite, too.

I have grown used to the idea that once seemed so impossible to me: there are actually other adults who can care for my children and who enjoy them. There are two ways that my family has developed to cover respite expenses. One way was to set a rate with the provider or friend. The average charged by care providers we used and what I charged when we did respite care was $25 per 24 hours per child. Well, as my family grew it was an expensive respite option. So I found a friend who enjoys trading respite care. My children go to her, and then her children come over to our house.

At first it was overwhelming, but we eventually adjusted. Now I LOVE respite. You actually feel human again with a little “time off” for everyone. Summertime is an important time to consider respite care. The children enjoy going to someone else’s house for a campout and a different environment.

A good phrase to keep in mind when it comes to respite is “use it or lose it!!”

Meg Youravish is an adoptive parent from California.

© 2002 by Meg Youravish. Reprinted, with permission, from Support News (2002), the newsletter of the Post Adoption Services Project <www.postadoptservices.com>

Respite Resources in North Carolina
• Contact your licensing social worker. Some counties have funding for respite that goes unused due to lack of demand.

• Visit the ARCH National Resource Center for Respite and Crisis Care <http://www.archrespite.org/>, which exists to support respite providers and the families they serve. They do not provide respite services themselves, but they are an excellent source of information (800/473-1727). Try their respite locator service at <http://www.respitelocator.org/n6states.htm>.

Copyright � 2003 Jordan Institute for Families