By Ceara Corry
Adolescence is a time of rapid physical and emotional growth. It is often marked by identity formation, increased independence, and interest in intimate relationships. Teens explore who they are in relation to others. Both youth and caregivers can feel anxious or uncertain during this new life stage and its associated risks. Adolescents may worry about rejection and managing strong emotions, like jealousy, or about setting personal boundaries. Parents may struggle to decide how much independence to allow or may worry about social media and online dating.
For youth in foster care, these feelings can be even stronger. They may face extra challenges like past trauma, frequent moves, and new relationships in unfamiliar places. They often must adapt quickly to very different rules or expectations between biological families and foster placements. Foster parents may wonder how strict to be in a temporary setting or feel unsure about balancing safety with independence. These overlapping challenges mean caregivers and social workers must learn how to support healthy relationship development in ways that feel safe, empowering, and suitable for each age. They are often key to preventing Teen Dating Violence.
Teen Dating Violence (TDV) is a form of intimate partner violence (IPV) that includes physical, sexual, or psychological abuse, harassment, or stalking of an adolescent by a former or past romantic partner. Alarmingly, 36% of youth in out-of-home placements report experiencing Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in the last 12 months–three times the national rate of 12%.
Experiencing violence in adolescence increases the risk of continued victimization into adulthood, resulting in longer-term consequences, including limited educational or vocational opportunities, financial instability, adverse mental, physical, and sexual health, injury, and death. Children who experience or witness abuse often internalize abusive relationship models and may struggle with effective conflict management, which can have adverse impacts on interpersonal relationships throughout their lifespan.
The foster care system’s foundational goal is to provide safe, nurturing environments for children to heal and grow until they can be reunited with their family of origin or another permanency option. This goal is not limited to providing food and shelter, but also entails supporting the emotional, relational, and social development of youth.
Rather than employing fear-based messaging or focusing solely on risks, caregivers and social workers are uniquely positioned to serve as protective factors by modeling healthy connections, facilitating supportive dialogue, and offering culturally responsive and trauma-informed support and services. Much like budgeting, cooking, or interviewing, relationship skills are an important part of preparing for the transition into adulthood. When framed this way, caregivers and professionals can introduce practical, positive strategies that reduce the likelihood of foster youth experiencing IPV and promote youth autonomy and confidence.
A common pitfall in discussing healthy relationships is focusing on the absence of undesirable traits or behaviors and neglecting to discuss admirable qualities. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC)’s definition of healthy relationships as ones that “…are free from violence, respectful, autonomous, and include shared decision-making” offers a helpful alternative by highlighting positive relationship traits.
Caregivers and professionals can use this as a starting point in teaching adolescents how to evaluate their relationships. Do they feel safe from physical, emotional, or sexual violence? Is there mutual honor and respect based on each partner seeing the other as an equal? Is independence valued or seen as a threat? Are decisions made fairly, in consideration of each person’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions? How are disagreements managed? Are boundaries openly discussed and honored? These and similar questions encourage reflection and demonstrate care without passing judgment or criticizing.
Discussions about relationships, particularly with middle and late-stage adolescents, will likely involve conversations about sex and sexuality. Research has shown that youth who receive comprehensive sexuality education have improved health outcomes, including a lower risk of experiencing sexual violence.
Comprehensive sex education includes medically accurate, culturally responsive information about anatomy and biological processes, contraception, including abstinence, barrier methods, and prescription methods, consent, communication skills, sexual behavior, sexual identity, and sexual health. While school systems provide comprehensive sex education, youth repeatedly report a desire for parents to be the primary source of information on sex and sexuality. Parent-child sex communication has been linked to delayed initiation of sexual activity, higher rates of safer sex practices, and better understanding of sexual values, including consent, further demonstrating the value of open communication about these topics.
Foster parents have the opportunity to model healthy relationship dynamics, including effective communication, respectful conflict management, and emotional regulation. Witnessing positive interactions between adults and between adults and children can help rewrite internalized narratives about relationships.
Although this can feel challenging, particularly in congregate settings where heavier restrictions are often imposed to maintain safety, setting age-appropriate expectations for privacy and independence builds a trusting environment where teens can safely explore their identities and curiosities–a vital developmental task of adolescence.
Social workers and other professionals may remain assigned to youth throughout multiple placement changes, making them among the few consistent adults in an adolescent’s life. Regular visits with foster youth that include intentional discussion about their dating experiences or questions can reveal areas where further support is needed.
Adolescence is a critical period for developing identity, interpersonal skills, and independence. Foster youth face additional unique challenges during this phase, making guidance from caregivers and professionals especially important. Caregivers and social workers can promote protective factors by modeling healthy connections and teaching practical skills for relational development. Discussions should center on not only avoiding harm but also on cultivating mutual respect, trust, and open communication. This intentional support contributes to positive long-term health and relationship outcomes throughout the lifespan, honoring the central goal of the child welfare system.
Cerea Corry is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker currently supervising a team of family therapists. Ceara has a background in sexual and reproductive health, including roles as a sex educator and sex therapist.
