By Larron Lee, MS, LCMHCS
In this article, I want to talk with you about something many of us know is important but sometimes hesitate to lean into—helping the children in our care push past stigma and truly engage in mental health services.
Before we dive in, humor me for a moment and think about a few questions. What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “mental health treatment?” How do you take care of your own mental health? And are there any barriers that make it hard for you to prioritize it? My hope is that by pausing to look inward first, you’ll be better equipped to understand, empathize with, and support the young people who depend on you.
I’ll be honest—years ago, after a traumatic experience, I found myself wrestling with these same questions. And despite being a mental health professional, despite believing strongly in the value of support, I realized I had drifted far from taking care of my own emotional well-being. Like many of us, I had poured so much into everyone else that I didn’t notice I was running on empty. It happens quietly, slowly, and often without our permission.
What I’ve learned (and continue to learn at 40+ years old) is that when we know better, we tend to do better. So, let’s level-set together. Mental health is something we all have, and it exists on a spectrum. It influences how we show up emotionally, mentally, and behaviorally. Things like confidence, healthy relationships, coping skills, and resiliency aren’t random—they often reflect the state of our mental health. And just like our homes, cars, and bodies need regular care, so does our emotional and psychological well-being. None of us were designed to handle everything alone, and sometimes we really do need support from a legit professional—not Google, not TikTok, not “pushing through,” but actual support.
Now, let’s talk about the children and teens in North Carolina. In 2020, more than one in ten kids aged 3 to 17 were diagnosed with depression or anxiety. In 2021, one in five high school students seriously considered suicide. For kids ages 10–14, suicide is currently one of the leading causes of death. And while research on foster and kinship youth in NC is still limited, national data often shows that up to 80% of children in care have significant mental health needs.
With numbers like that, you’d think everyone would be rushing to get help—but that’s not always the case. Some families struggle to find time or don’t know where to start (side note: I’m hopeful that accessing care will become easier with the CFSP launching in NC). Others (like some of our children in need of ABA) have limited access to services in their area. Some children (and adults) carry deep distrust of systems or providers. And then there’s stigma—the big one. Stigma sticks around because people misunderstand mental health and fear judgment. We tell ourselves things like, “Nobody will understand,” “I should be able to handle this,” or “I don’t want to burden anyone.” Many of us grew up hearing messages about being strong, pushing through, or keeping things to ourselves. And let’s be real—historically, many communities, regardless of race or socioeconomic status, including foster/kinship circles, learned survival by not talking about what hurt. But silence doesn’t heal; it isolates. Mental health stigma convinces us that needing help equals weakness—and none of us want to be seen that way.
So how do we help the children in our care move beyond that? How do we support them in engaging with services that could genuinely change their lives?
It starts with us—and with conversation, education, and normalizing mental health as part of everyday wellness.
One message I often share with the parents and caregivers I work with is this: You are a change agent. Whether you see it or not, you carry tremendous influence. I like to use the thermostat vs. thermometer analogy. A thermometer can only tell you the temperature. A thermostat, on the other hand, actually changes the climate. Most caregivers I meet want to be thermostats—people who help shift the emotional climate for their children.
So in that spirit, here are a few practical things you can do to support your child’s engagement:
• Talk openly about mental health. Share why you believe support is important. If comfortable, offer an age-appropriate example from your own life. Modeling reduces fear.
• Help them unpack any misconceptions. Remind them it’s okay not to be okay—and it’s okay to need help.
• Explore options together. Attend intake sessions, ask questions, and advocate for what your child needs.
• Meet the provider beforehand. Sometimes a simple introduction eases anxiety for both you and your child.
• Use positive reinforcement. For younger kids, a small reward system can go a long way. For older youth, genuine acknowledgment and encouragement speak volumes.
Now, I also know some of you have tried all of this and still feel stuck because your child wants nothing to do with treatment. If that’s you, you’re not alone. In those situations, it may help to lean on the voices your child respects—family members, mentors, coaches, church leaders, musicians, athletes, content creators, or other trusted figures. Many of today’s influencers are speaking openly about mental health in powerful ways. Introduce their stories. Let your child hear someone they admire say, “Getting help saved me,” or “Therapy changed my life.”
Also consider reaching out to Healthy Blue and your local DSS to ask about programs that promote social-emotional wellness. These group settings reduce stigma naturally because kids realize they’re not the only ones navigating challenges.
At the end of the day, we can lead children to the resources, but we can’t force them to engage. Their willingness is a key part of the process. Accepting that can feel tough, especially when you clearly see how much they could benefit (or when participation is court-ordered). But acceptance doesn’t mean giving up—it means staying committed without carrying the weight alone. It means staying curious, asking what’s really going on beneath the resistance, and choosing compassion over frustration or rejection.
Remember, your role matters in your child’s active engagement in mental health services, regardless of any barriers that may stand in their way. Prioritize your own mental well-being by taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that bring you purpose and peace. You can’t pour from an empty cup—trust me, I’ve tried. And above all, please remember this: you are not alone. Stay the course!
Larron Lee, MS, LCMHCS is Mental Health Professional with Lee Consulting Group of NC, PLLC
