SaySo (Strong Able Youth Speaking Out), is a statewide, North Carolina-based association of youth aged 14 to 24 who are or have been in out-of-home care. This includes all types of substitute care, including foster care, group homes, and mental health placements.
Every year on the first Saturday in March, SaySo holds a gathering where youth from all over North Carolina can attend workshops, meet new people, and share ideas. They call it “SaySo Saturday.”
This year’s event included a workshop about building connections. It featured a panel of foster care alumni and adopted youth that was also moderated by foster care alumni.
Afterwards, Erin Conner, our state’s NC LINKS Coordinator, shared the following definition:
Relational Permanence:
This concept recognizes that many types of important long-term relationships help a child or young person feel loved and connected, such as relationships with brothers and sisters, family friends and extended family, and former foster family members.
Conner then asked the youth and young adults what relational permanence meant to them.
One youth opened up, followed by others. As you can see from the responses below, relational permanence is something youth and young adults with lived experience of North Carolina’s child welfare system know a lot about!
What Relational Permanence Means to Me
Responses from youth attending SaySo Saturday 2021
I think respect is the most important part in relational permanence. A thing a lot of adults that work with foster kids don’t understand is that respect goes both ways. You can’t have an authoritative or loving relationship with a kid if you’re expecting respect from them but not giving it.
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Someone that will help you. This means to me that I can have someone who can give you opinions and that you can trust that opinion.
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Someone who is loyal, honest, trusted, and reliable.
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Someone that is gonna help you through everything and not gonna hurt you even if you do wrong.
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What it means to me is the family and friends that I am close to support me in many ways, such as school and supporting me for graduation and supporting me to go to college and not giving up along the way. Someone who believes in me and who I am and who I’m supposed to be and someone I can put all my trust in and be able to talk to them about anything. That’s what it means to me.
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It means to me a person that can stay down with you even if you’re going through some things.
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Someone who will be here no matter what. They are the definition of family but don’t need to be blood.
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Someone that will support you through everything, even if you have nothing. Someone you can trust without a doubt in mind. Even if you are lonely they will be there for you because they care and want you to be happy. My friends and family are everything to me, although some of my family don’t care about me.
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Give me advice when most needed.
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Family can be established in so many different ways.
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When I first got into my current placement, I got frustrated about school and raised my voice, and my foster mom told me to go take a break or a walk and I did. When I came back inside I apologized for being angry, and she told me I had no reason to apologize and it was OK to be angry. I almost cried because that was the first time anyone had told me it was OK to express negative emotions.
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Creating your family of choice of people in your life is often more supportive, even if you do have biological family. Sometimes biological family cannot be what you need so no matter your situation, create your own family of choice… we all have to do it… even those not from the foster care system. That is the family that helps us grow into the person we want to be.
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It can be the simplest thing, like give me a hug.
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Whenever someone learns my love language so that they can help and assist me makes me feel like they care.
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Just you got to be the bigger person. Life is like a running trail, you just gotta keep running and not trip.
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I am the person I am today because all of the people who have shaped me in every way. My family and friendsmily show how much they care by supporting me and spending time together.
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SaySo (Strong Able Youth Speaking Out), is a statewide, North Carolina-based association of youth aged 14 to 24 who are or have been in out-of-home care. This includes all types of substitute care, including foster care, group homes, and mental health placements.
www.saysoinc.org • email: [email protected]
