Developing a support network is a key element to successfully transition into adulthood for any youth who has had to experience substitute care, like me.
My ideal support network would consist of people in my life that help me achieve my personal and professional goals. After entering care and instantly losing access to any form of support I may have had, identifying who would fill those shoes became challenging. My daily frustrations came from the lack of stability in my life and having the constant feeling of rejection by the ones I believed loved me the most. Although I am aware now, at the time, I could not realize that my anger and delinquent behaviors were adjacent to my abandonment issues.
Even with my long list of trauma responses, I would like to say, I still had people who never gave up on me. My support system included God, my social worker, foster parent, GAL, judge, and even my school principal. The determination for them to establish my trust went a very long way within our relationships. Like some other youth, I felt that I was not deserving of love, or the time invested into understanding who I truly was.
There will be young people that may give you a hard time, but time and time again, keep showing them that they matter.
Depending on each young person, the expectation to be met with hostility or disappointment when they make a mistake is normal to them, but the willingness to show up with patience and understanding makes all the difference. If you took the time to think about the most traumatic thing in your life, the people who were there for you the most are the ones you would never forget. Although the memories of pain were the easiest to think of, the people who made me feel safe and prioritized quickly became the people who turned into my support system.
Lashing out and misbehaving are not signs that we are bad kids who need to be punished, yet they are signs that we need compassion and guidance to find more productive ways to deal with our traumatic situations. When it was time for me to exit from the child welfare system, there was a high demand for me to have connections with supportive adults. Even when I didn’t make the best decisions, I still found myself being able to have people who could provide support and help me access necessary resources and services. There are youth who age out of the child welfare system and have no clue where to start. They are faced with limited connections or without the support of positive, car- ing adults resulting in the increased risk of homelessness, abuse, lack of education, and employment.
I often witness those same struggles amongst some of my peers who couldn’t over-come the conflicts of being in foster care. Fortunately, my team understood that I needed to know what opportunities foster care had for my life. I had the consistent push of motivation for me to graduate high school and take the necessary steps to further my education. Along this journey, I encountered many obstacles that most of us may face as we transition out of care, but the supportive network I gained carried me over each barrier. Even long after care, I have my former foster parents who I now call mom and dad, old social workers who are only one phone call away, and a support system who never stopped believing in me. Thanks to them, I am soon to be a college graduate and I have the firmness of pur- pose to strive for the things that used to be the unthinkable.
Lyrika Evans is a NC LINKS Administrative Assistant with the NC Department of Health and Human Services Division of Social Services. She also advocates for youth in care by partnering with groups like SAYSO and has lived experience in the foster care system.
