How did you become a parent for the first time?
For me, I remember finding out I was pregnant with identical twin girls during an ultrasound and being completely overwhelmed by the news. I think most people feel overwhelmed when they become parents for the first time.
While I was pregnant, I was a program director at a non-profit working with young parents. The goal of our program was to support people who became parents in their teenage years so that they could raise their children independently. When it became physically clear that I was also becoming a parent, I shared with my clients that I was pregnant with twins. I will never forget the reaction of one of my clients who had recently given birth to identical twin girls herself: “Oh, I’m so sorry. That is awful!” This was a very different response from the majority of folks in my personal and professional communities who had given me well wishes. I was double this client’s age and had so many supports in place; and I was still overwhelmed! My client absolutely loved her children and was an incredible mom. She just knew how difficult life had become for her since the birth of her girls and she intended to give me a clear picture of what I might be walking through in the coming months and years.
It is not fair, but the reality of the situation is that my experience as a new parent was vastly different from my client’s. I had a supportive spouse; the father of her children was incarcerated. I had financial stability; she was incredibly reliant on government assistance. I had a supportive family who could help coach me through the challenges of parenthood; she had an ambivalent relationship with her family of origin and was trying to figure out how to parent while she had experienced abuse and neglect herself as a child.
I currently serve as Vice President of Programs at Crossnore Communities for Children. At Crossnore, we are currently innovating in foster care through our new Bridging Families© program. Bridging Families© uses professional foster parents, Bridge Parents, who come alongside parents like my client from years ago, and support them – bridge the gaps – so that they can be reunified with their children. We fundamentally believe that children belong back home, whenever possible and we are fiercely committed to doing all we can to support families in making this happen.
Bridge Parents coach parents who have been separated from their children on the many things we need to know to be successful parents. Bridge Parents are, by definition, not a permanent placement option. The entire program is designed to do everything in our power to prepare parents for reunification.
One of our Bridge Parents, Mike Raymer, describes the program like this: “At first, we model parenting and help the kids get used to a home with structure. We welcome the parents of origin into the home and let them observe how we run things, answer their questions and let them have positive interactions with their kids in a household that functions smoothly. As the families progress in the program we give mom and dad more autonomy and let them practice the skills they are learning. We let them fail when they need to and process offline with them when the kids are at school how they could have redone anything that didn’t go well. Eventually we sit back and let them run the house and we are able to praise them for the progress they have made. Reunification is the final step and we support them at that phase too!”
Mike and his wife Penny, like all our Bridge Par- ents, work with a team of other professionals who wrap support around families separated by foster care. A Bridging Families© team includes Bridge Parents, a case manager, a therapist and a team supervisor. The teams work tirelessly to meet the families where they are. Our goal is to provide as much on site support as possible.
Our case managers help families navigate through court and DSS requirements, manage communication with all entities involved, help them find jobs, assist with housing, and navigate systems that can be confusing to all of us! The clinicians on the team coach the families and staff in use of Triple P, Trust Based Relational Intervention, and see that the children’s parents clinical needs are met through family and individual therapy which often happens in their home.
The families we work with come from many counties throughout North Carolina and each has their own challenges and opportunities. Bridging Families© teams enjoy tailoring the program to meet each family’s unique needs. We are grateful that Bridge Parents’ full time job is to serve in this program. Recently, one of our Bridge Parents, Shirlee Severs, went with a biological dad to a back to school night. Shirlee’s first career was as an educator and she was able to help the biological dad in her home understand all the nuances parents have to navigate in the school systems in order for his kids to have a successful return to school. As my own children have progressed in school, there are many times when I could have used a Shirlee to help me navigate these systems!
Bridging Families© is grounded in supporting parents. Since the beginning of our pilot of this program in September 2021, Crossnore has expanded Bridging Families© to ten homes across western NC. We have learned so much from our families and staff during this pilot phase and have high hopes for how Bridging Families© can support transfor- mation in foster care so that supportive caregivers can give even more of their time and energy towards family reunification.
Our goal for the program is that all parents have the support they need, the support I had, when they become parents. Parenting can be overwhelming; none of us can or should have to do this alone.
Meredith Martin, MDiv, MSW, LCSW is the Vice President of Programs with Crossnore Communities for Children
Crossnore is currently accepting referrals for our Bridging Families© homes. Referrals can be sent to referrals@ crossnore.org. We are hiring for various open positions in Bridging Families© – current vacancies can be found HERE.
