My Fellow Foster Parents of North Carolina,
I want to take a moment to express my heartfelt admiration and appreciation for the incredible role you have taken on as a foster parent. Your dedication, compassion, and selflessness are making a pro- found difference in the lives of the children in your care.
Fostering is not just a commitment; it’s a calling. It takes an incredible person to open their heart and home to children who may have experienced difficult and traumatic circumstances. You have stepped up to provide stability, love, and a nurturing environment for these children, and that is truly commendable.
The impact you are making on these young lives is immeasurable. You are giving them a chance to heal, to grow, and to thrive in a safe and loving environment. Your patience and understanding are helping them rebuild their trust and self esteem, and your support is shaping their future in the most positive way.
I want you to know that you are not alone on this journey. The challenges of foster parenting can be demanding, and it’s perfectly okay to seek support and resources when needed. We are here for you at Foster Family Alliance to advocate, lead support groups, and provide fellow foster parents who can provide guidance, encouragement, and a listening ear whenever you need it.
Please remember to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. It’s easy to put the needs of others ahead of your own, but self-care is essential to continue being the best possible caregiver. Don’t hesitate to take breaks and seek respite care to recharge your energy.
Your commitment to fostering is a beautiful example of the power of love and compassion. You are creating a brighter future for these children, and your kindness and generosity are making the world a better place. Your actions inspire others and serve as a reminder of the importance of giving back to our community.
If ever you feel overwhelmed or in need of support, know that we are here for you, we care deeply about you, and we are willing to assist you on this journey. Your efforts are valued, and your contribu- tions to the lives of these children are immeasurable.
In closing, I want to express my deepest gratitude and admiration for your dedication as a foster parent. You are a shining example of the difference one person can make in the world, and your love is creating a brighter future for those in your care.
With heartfelt appreciation and support, standing in the trenches with you.
FFA-NC is looking for volunteers for committees, the Board of Directors, and other areas. Please fill out our application, which you can find HERE.
As the director of Foster Family Alliance of NC, I hear many statewide scenarios regarding resource families. I hear the amazing, the difficult, and everything in between. Some of the things I hear I am ecstatic with and want to just get in my car and hug the resource parent. On the other hand, there are things that infuriate me. Walk with me through some intense thoughts to consider.
I have been struggling for months, hearing stories where foster parents are literally fighting for adoptions, hiring attorneys, and delaying or even trying to stop reunification of children in their care. I have seen them testify in Raleigh to committees looking for legislation change, get on social media and share a story that isn’t theirs to share and ultimately, claim they are better than the family of origin. I have wrestled with these words, and I have decided I am going to speak from my heart. The children in our homes, while in child welfare custody, are not “our” children.
We should not engage in anger and hurt towards their mother and/or father. When you do, you are attacking the very core of a child, the people that made and gave birth to the child. No matter what the parents have done or not done, they are still the parent, and a child will always love them. If you feel the need to attack, humiliate and simply rip their parents apart, you are not safe to be parenting the very child you are fighting for. In fact, you are more emotionally unsafe than the situation from which they were removed.
Your actions are in danger of ripping apart the family and creating additional stress, especially for the child. Even if you adopt, even if you get guardianship, you will always be a substitute caregiver. You can’t change DNA; you can’t change the bond/connection on a cellular level. There is a high probability that the parent you are targeting was also a child with lived experience in child welfare custody. I imagine, in a different time, you would have supported them as well. Think about the potential trauma you may be creating. Don’t use your status or circumstances to further destroy the parents or the children. In the end, it’s not about you being a better parent or providing a better life. It’s about a family-first environment where a child can be reunified and loved by the very one(s) they came from. In the end, you should be co-parenting, lifting up the mother and/or father, cheering them on and sharing every moment you can to get them back on track to positively parenting their child. And if they can’t reunify, then provide opportunities to keep that bond alive while you are substituting. And when you CANNOT make this happen, think about stepping away from this child and this situation. It may be time to take a break and reevaluate your role as a foster parent.
A learning site for North Carolina’s foster and adoptive parents and kinship caregivers
Foster parents are encouraged to talk in advance to their supervising agency about obtaining training credit through fosteringNC.org.
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