To help answer this question, we recently spoke with Gaile Osborne with the Foster Family Alliance of North Carolina (FFA-NC). FFA-NC’s mission is to educate, advocate, support, and promote partnerships that lead to positive outcomes for children, youth, and resource families in NC. Gaile shared helpful tips based on her experience as a resource parent and the support she provides through FFA- NC to new resource families.
Tips for new resource parents
- Give the placement 30 days before you start
taking stock. Spend that time getting settled. It’s not going to be easy because you are getting to know them, and they are getting to know you. Don’t fret if the first week feels like a “nightmare.” - Ask questions and keep asking questions. Social workers may not intentionally hold back information, but they will share information based on what they think you need to know. If you ask questions, they will answer and you may find something you need to know, and maybe it was something the social worker didn’t think to communi- cate.
- Ensure you have a communication plan with the social worker and family (text, call, email, frequency, etc.)
- Recognize that in the beginning of the case things are very transient, so you may get assigned one social worker and then another. Ensure you have a communication plan every time you are assigned a new or different social worker so that everyone is on the same page.
- Find out as much as you can about school including Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) and 504 Plans and be prepared that social workers may not know the answers to your questions right away
- If you have pets, find out if the child is good with animals.
FFA-NC is working on a notebook for each child that comes into care. Our hope is that it will include questions and answers about vital information like health history, school history, etc.
Understand no one knows the outcome of a case at the beginning. Be upfront and honest about your thoughts and process information with your social worker concerning your family. Being upfront and honest can decrease the number of transitions a youth may experience.
You need to be fully committed to the child, even if placement only lasts six months. If you have any hesitation, walk away before committing to a placement.
Tips specifically for teens
- Be willing to collaboratively solve problems
- with teens. Think through what the end goal is and be flexible on how you get there. Can you come up with a plan TOGETHER?
- Focus on understanding what motivates them.
- Who are the supports in their life and how can you maintain those connections?
- Within 24-72 hours of a new placement with a teen, talk about and establish rules together. Treat teens like they should be treated and give control over to them in the areas that you can (they already don’t have control over much of their lives).
- Encourage teens, but don’t push too hard. Walk alongside them. The saying “it’s my house, my rules” can come off as too forceful.
Gaile stated that as a new resource parent, she didn’t want her rules to feel forced on a child.“These kids don’t need to hear things over and over. Less is more when it comes to verbal. Stop preaching, come alongside them”.
Recognize that each child that comes into your home has their own identity. They are not likely going to fit the mold of how your family does things. Allow them to be themselves. Don’t force your values and have unrealistic expectations.
FFA-NC is hoping to create a virtual FAQ board to address questions commonly asked by resource parents in the future.
Response by Gaile Osborne, Executive Director of FFA-NC.
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