Living in a strange home is hard.
Trusting your little person with someone you just met is hard. Meeting a new family and trying to instill some sense of safety is hard too.
Shared Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s some of the most difficult work to do for a child, but also the most rewarding and beneficial. Resource and biological parents together are a winning team, and this team sometimes needs a social worker to be the coach. Partnership in shared parenting can mean the difference in a child feeling a sense of security during a period of crisis versus continuous trauma. There are so many little things that can be done to support Shared Parenting. I wanted to share some that I’ve seen be successful in my professional experience. I hope you’re able to incorporate these into your own shared parenting practices:
Have a meet and greet with both sets of parents with the social worker present. Try to set a casual yet meaningful tone. Share some stories, exchange child information, and set expectations for future meetings.
Have the child observe resource and biological parents talking together and sharing current information about the child’s progress and needs. Children and youth seeing all the parents on the same page will increase their sense of safety and structure.
Shared Parenting can be a learning experience. Everyone has something new to learn, and parents can learn from one another. A biological parent can share the best way to soothe their fussy infant in the same way a resource parent can share tips of the trade on effective discipline.
Long term benefits to Shared Parenting are numerous. Children deserve more than a photo or a memory of a chunk of their life. Positive partnership between parents allows for ongoing contact, creat- ing a relationship that can be supportive to the child and family throughout a lifetime.
Always work with the end goal in mind of the child being stable and happy. Decisions and communications should always be made with the youth in mind and not solely the opinions and preferences of the resource or biological parents.
Shared Parenting is an ongoing partnership and setting a routine and map for where you want to go is important. A routine will help with the child’s emotional security and assist adults in keeping fair boundaries. Some ideas might include: setting aside a few minutes after visitation to catch up, having a phone call or weekly email, sharing a journal back and forth with updates, challenges, and daily joys. Use your social worker and Child and Family Team as a guide to what is best practice for your child and situation.
Amy Huntsman is the Foster Home Licensing Supervisor with the Buncombe County Department of Social Services
