By Barbara Young
In resource parent pre-service training, we discuss Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need, which is a visual representation of basic human needs. As resource parents, we are usually at the top. A level called “Making our Dreams Come True.” We have already navigated our needs for survival, safety, love & belonging, and self-esteem. We feel confident in our abilities and want to share our love and support with others in need. For example, after completing resource parent pre-service classes and submitting our licensing paperwork, I would have given me and my husband a score of 8 out of 10 in regards to being “ready” to foster. We were excited and confident and nervous. We felt prepared and of course, once we received our first placement, we realized that there was a LOT that we didn’t know. Does this sound familiar? It was all part of our journey to become resilient resource parents.
When children come into care, they are living in survival mode. They are at the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need, just trying to survive and keep themselves safe. This presents a challenge and often resource parents are surprised by the behaviors, even though we were told ahead of time what we were likely to experience.
As my friend and former co-worker Joe Allen says “Great resource parents rarely just exist, they have to be developed.” We don’t know what we don’t know, so we, as individuals need to be constantly evaluating ourselves, our strengths, and our needs. Ask yourself “What needs to change to make me a better resource parent?” “What can I do to Work in Partnership or Communicate Effectively,” two of the 12 Criteria for Mutual Selection in resource parent licensing. “What strengths or needs can I identify in myself and others?” “When there is frustration with a case or a person, what is the need behind the behavior and how can I meet the need?” This applies to our work with children and youth and our work with other adults involved in the case. So, how can we as resource parents AND social workers work together in partnership to become more resilient? We do that by partnering with each other and by communicating effectively! We want to make sure we feel confident and equipped to continue fostering even after we face adversity.
Thinking about partnership and resilience, my mind immediately leaps to a wonderful resource created in 2015 titled “Treat Them like GOLD – A Best Practice Guide to Partnering with Resource Families.” This very helpful resource was developed in North Carolina by the Department of Health and Human Services. You’ll see that it is a resource directed towards agency staff but it also applies to us as resource parents. Below is an excerpt I have found helpful in my own journey I wanted to share:
Resource Families: Partners, Not Employees
“Resource families are not agency employees, nor are they temporary workers. But if they aren’t employees, what are they? The answer, of course, is partners: people who join with others to pursue a common interest or goal. In their case—and ours—that common goal is the welfare of children and their families.
Resource families make a remarkable commitment when they decide to partner with child welfare agencies.
To support resource families and fulfill their side of the partnership, child welfare agencies should:
- Apply North Carolina’s family-centered principles of partnership when interacting with resource families including the belief that:
— Everyone desires respect
— Everyone needs to be heard
— Everyone has strengths
— Judgments can wait
— Partners share power
— Partnership is a process
When working in partnership with your social workers, make sure you’re advocating for yourself using the principles above!
There are several golden nuggets of wisdom resource parents should be aware of from “Treat them like Gold” so they can advocate for themselves including:
- Make sure your phone calls and emails are being returned promptly. Communication is a two-way street.
- Get as much information as possible about a potential placement before you accept it to ensure they are a good fit.
- Be flexible in scheduling appointments and set boundaries if needed.
- Ensure you’re involved in discussions around permanency, court, etc. You have a lot to offer in those very important conversations!
- After a placement ends, take the time you need and get support in a way that best suits you before you continue fostering.
- Share information about the child with the social worker, GAL, and other appropriate members of the team.
- Request respite and ask for support as soon as you feel like you need it to prevent a disruption or crisis.
- Seek out and request training on topics you need.
As individuals, we are always growing, changing, and building resilience for ourselves, our children, and the others around us. So, as a resource parent, what more can you do to work in partnership to improve the lives of children and youth in foster care?
Barbara Young is a former foster parent, a Family Partner with the North Carolina Child Welfare Advisory Council, and a Co-Trainer of Leaders in TIPS-MAPP and Deciding Together.
Tips to Strengthen Minds and Uplift Families
- Nurture youth’s well-being early, often, and continuously. Don’t wait for the signs.
- Talk about mental health as needs and strengths rather than problems or issues.
- Recognize what culture has to offer. Incorporate traditions, practices, and community.
- Engage youth. Ask what types of supports they need – including traditional and nontraditional options.
- Champion the well-being of families and caregivers to support youth’s mental health.
