By the Bloch Family
Foster care is often viewed as a temporary solution to a difficult situation. However, it has the potential to become a transformative experience when shared parenting is embraced. Shared parenting, the collaborative effort between foster parents and biological parents, provides a stable and nurturing environment for children in foster care. It fosters continuity, reduces trauma, and ultimately strengthens the entire family unit.
Through our own experience as foster parents, we witnessed firsthand the profound impact shared parenting can have—not only on foster children but also on their biological families and us as foster parents.
Our Experience with Shared Parenting
We had the privilege of fostering two biological brothers, ages two and four. Initially, shared parenting was a challenging and overwhelming process. The boys’ parents struggled with the responsibilities outlined by the court, and communication between us was strained. At times, it felt like we were working against each other rather than for the well-being of the children.
However, as North Carolina’s Department of Health and Human Services (NCDHHS) put additional staffing in place, the boys’ biological parents began to receive the support they needed. They gradually excelled in their court-mandated tasks, proving their commitment to their children. Over time, they saw the value in working together rather than remaining at odds.
Once we were all on the same page, our relationship with the biological parents transformed. They kept open lines of communication with us, and we reciprocated by offering support and encouragement. We understood that the more time the boys spent with both their parents and us, the easier the transition to reunification would be. The boys wanted their parents around more, and we knew that strengthening this bond was crucial to their long-term stability and happiness.
The Benefits of Shared Parenting for Foster Children
For children in foster care, separation from their biological families can be a traumatic experience. Shared parenting helps to ease this trauma by maintaining continuity in their relationships. When foster and biological parents work together, children experience less anxiety and confusion about their circumstances.
In our case, the boys benefited immensely from the shared parenting approach.
They no longer felt torn between two households; instead, they saw their foster and biological families as a cohesive support system. This sense of security allowed them to thrive emotionally and developmentally.
Moreover, shared parenting fosters trust. By seeing their biological parents and us working together, the boys understood that they were deeply loved and supported by all the adults in their lives. This collaboration reassured them that reunification was not a disruption but a natural progression of their journey.
The Impact on Biological Families
Biological parents often feel a deep sense of loss and shame when their children are placed in foster care. This can make it difficult for them to stay motivated and complete the necessary steps toward reunification. Shared parenting provides these parents with a sense of hope and encouragement, reminding them that they are not alone in their efforts.
In our case, once the boys’ parents embraced shared parenting, they became more confident in their ability to regain custody. Knowing that we supported them rather than judged them made a significant difference. They became more involved in their children’s lives, which not only benefited the boys but also strengthened their own commitment to self-improvement.
Even after reunification was approved, the parents wanted to keep us involved. To our surprise and delight, they allowed us to continue seeing the boys and even invited us to take them for weekend visits. This ongoing relationship is a testament to the trust and mutual respect that was built through shared parenting.
The Rewards for Foster Parents
As foster parents, we initially feared that shared parenting would make our role more complicated. However, we soon realized that it was one of the most rewarding aspects of fostering. By working alongside the biological parents, we developed a deeper understanding of the challenges they faced and learned to approach our role with greater empathy.
Instead of feeling like we were simply temporary caregivers, we became vital members of a child’s support network. Seeing the boys reunite with their parents successfully was an emotional and fulfilling experience. Knowing that we had contributed to a positive outcome made all the challenges worthwhile.
Additionally, shared parenting allowed us to maintain a lifelong connection with the children. The continued relationship with the boys after reunification has been an unexpected but cherished gift. It serves as a reminder that foster care is not just about providing a temporary home—it is about building lasting relationships and fostering positive change.
Encouraging a Culture of Shared Parenting
While our experience with shared parenting was ultimately a success, we recognize that it is not always easy. Many foster and biological parents struggle with communication, trust, and differing parenting styles. However, when agencies and support systems step in to facilitate shared parenting, the process becomes much smoother.
To encourage shared parenting in foster care, agencies should:
- Provide training and support for both foster and biological parents to navigate the process effectively.
- Offer mediation and counseling to foster open and productive communication between families.
- Promote the benefits of shared parenting to remove any stigma or resistance.
- Ensure foster parents feel valued and supported in their efforts to collaborate with biological families.
Conclusion: A Life-Changing Experience
Shared parenting is not always easy, but it is undeniably rewarding. Our experience with the two young brothers and their parents taught us that collaboration, patience, and understanding can lead to incredible outcomes. It not only benefited the boys by providing stability and love but also empowered their parents to succeed and gave us, as foster parents, an opportunity to make a meaningful and lasting impact.
The ultimate goal of foster care is reunification whenever possible. Shared parenting makes this transition smoother and more positive for everyone involved. By working together, foster and biological parents can create a supportive network that fosters healing, growth, and lasting relationships.
Our journey with shared parenting has left us with a deep appreciation for the resilience of families and the power of compassion. We hope that our story inspires other foster parents, biological families, and agencies to embrace shared parenting as a pathway to success and healing.
The Bloch family provide foster care through Children’s Hope Alliance
