by Nancy Almon with Katie Jaeschke
Katie and I met when I chose to adopt her son through Methodist Home for Children. Being that the adoption path is never easy for anyone, our story is unusual, though not unique to us.
Enter Dylan, a beautiful almost-six-year-old boy, with a smile that lights the room. I met him near the time that he became free for adoption.
Dylan’s time in foster care created a great deal of confusion for Katie and her then-husband, the children’s dad, as North Carolina is one of two states in which reunification and adoption procedures happen simultaneously. Dylan was having home visits, even moving some items home, while Human Services was preparing for adoption. After a while, it became clear that Dylan would not be moving home permanently. Sadly, his parents signed relinquishment papers.
Around this time, Dylan’s little sister entered care and was placed with Dylan’s foster mom, Crystal. Dylan’s sister was working towards reunification, which complicated an already complex situation. Not wanting to separate her from Dylan, I decided to be her foster mom. This decision ended the confidentiality of the closed adoption, so before the children moved in with me, I had already met Katie and some of her relatives.
Thus began the relationship of two moms, growing from our interactions as we managed “Little Sister’s” visits and attended planning meetings at Human Services.
After Little Sister moved home about eighteen months later, it was important to both me and Katie to keep the children together as much as possible, including play dates and weekend visits with me and Dylan. We, along with Crystal (their former foster mother), had joint birthday parties for the kids. My favorite photo is of birth mom, foster mom, and adoptive mom at Little Sister’s fifth birthday party. All families came together for Dylan’s milestones—his baptism, performances, and Cub Scout awards.
Dylan is fiercely loyal to his birth family and needed his relationships to continue. I began taking him to birthdays and other celebrations. Katie’s parents, as well as her uncle and aunt, invited him for weekend visits several times. Once the ice was broken, the extended family welcomed me in, and they even say that they have “adopted” me. For several years he has had unlimited access to all of them.
Katie and I have relied on each other and had many heart-to-heart conversations, finding common ground on which to build our lasting friendship. We have been honest about feelings and the impacts of this foster-to-adopt process. We are in and out of everyone’s homes. Katie is very soft-spoken and handles conflict gently when it arises. She works to bring Dylan and me together in difficult times. Her amazing strength lifts me, and she is comfortable calling me when difficulty arises.
You might think, as I once did, that the birth-family story ends when the adoption papers are signed. For us, it was only the beginning. By building a continuing relationship with Dylan’s family, both he and Little Sister have benefited from various people and viewpoints. Dylan considers Katie’s second husband as his stepfather. Little Sister still calls me mom. There is always room for one more when love leads.
